Whisper In The Dark
by UKEndeavour
Summary: She used to be the life and soul, she used to be an outgoing, loving person. She used to think her whole life was worth living but then she stayed in the relationship from hell for too long and when she escaped she wasn't the same. Can she rebuild her life, can she find love? Can she become the person she used to be and find herself again? (This story will have violence, and mature
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

She stood in the small shower, the lukewarm water falling over her battered body. As she washed the clean water mixed with her blood, making a pinky colour as it went down the drain.

She looked down at her pale naked body, taking in the new bruises mixing with the old. She finally, silently let the tears fall down her face, running of the end of her chin and dropping onto the tiled floor.

The door of the small bathroom opened, and she tensed knowing who it was. She was shaking, she couldn't help it.

"I'm going out," Ella said, her voice was harsh, "Don't bother calling me, I'm gonna be late." She slammed the bathroom door close, making her jump out of her skin, she was terrified of the person she was supposed to be in love with.

She didn't answer her, she knew not too, she knew when she did that they would be in for round two and round one was enough for her.

She shut off the shower and listened, making sure that Ella left the apartment. She heard the front door close. She knew she would have to check, make sure she had gone. So many times before she had tricked her and then started round two. She listened. Listening to the front door of the apartment close.

She got out of the shower, wrapping her slim, broken body in a bath sheet, before slowly walking into the bedroom. She checked the apartment, making sure that Ella had in fact left. She had. She walked back into the master bedroom, looking at herself in the broken mirror. A mirror her head had been rammed into a few nights previously. She sat onto the bed, taking in her appearance. the black eye, the cut lip, the bruising to her cheekbone, neck and shoulder. There wasn't a part of her body that wasn't hurting. She couldn't do this anymore. Looking at the dullness in her hazel eyes she knew she had to get away. She had to leave.

Five years ago things had been so different. She had fallen in love with Ella and everything had seemed wonderful until they had moved in together. slowly she become controlling. Stopping her seeing her family and friends, making sure she worked from home. Putting her in position where she had to relay on Ella and Ella alone. She'd lost touch with her friends and she hadn't seen her family in four years. Her friends had given up on her and it appeared so did her family. she had nowhere eels to go, but staying she knew she would die. The beatings were getting worse and more regular.

When she looked in the mirror now she didn't see the woman she once was. she saw a broken version of herself. This wasn't who she was or who she wanted to be. She had to escape and she had to do it tonight. The woman looking back at her from the mirror was a broken defeated version and she didn't want to see that. She wanted to find herself again.

She took a deep breath.

"No More," She said to herself. this was her moment. she quickly got dressed in a baggy t-shirt and jeans. Throwing a few clothes into a bag. she looked at her laptop and phone and knew they could be traced. She decided to leave them. she opened the safe, a safe Ella didn't know she knew the code too and took out her money, the money in the envelope that Ella put in here but would spend on Ella, it was Stef's money, they money she earnt from the articles and publications she did. she checked the money before putting it into her pocket, leaving the safe open just so Ella knew she had taken it. There would be no turning back once she left.

She took one more look around the apartment before picking up the bag that had her clothes in it and she left, closing the door quietly. She didn't run, she walked. She didn't want people to pay attention to her. she wanted to fade into the back ground.

She walked out of the apartment building and looked at the car, Ella's car. she must have walked to where ever she was going. Stef looked around making sure that she wasn't around. She walked past the car, keep her head down. she had to keep walking. She needed to get out of this neighbourhood.

She kept her head down as she walked she didn't want or need attention bring to her, her long blonde hair was falling over her face.

As she walked her thoughts turned to wear she was going, if anyone would help her, Ella had made sure that everyone in her life was driven away. That no one would want her. She was alone in life. That was how she had felt for five years. She'd not known what to do with herself. Only now had she got the courage to leave. To run.

She found herself walking towards Mission Bay, a part of San Diego she rarely visited now but she had grown up there. Her mother still lived that. Ella would never come here. she thought it too upmarket. She would say that people who lived and worked there were acting better then they were.

She'd always loved it here, near the beach. But she hadn't been back in such a long time. She looked around, she had to find help. She couldn't do this alone. she noticed a public call box, she took a deep breath, taking out a couple of quarters. She walked over, dropping her bag to her feet she feed them into the phone before dialling a number that she hoped was still in use. A number she would always remember. The number that had always got her out of trouble.

"Hello," It was answered after four rings, she couldn't speak "Hello is anyone there?" the voice said again. "Hello, really is there anyone there? Anyone?"

"Mom," Her voice came out like the scared child that she was inside and not the adult she was.

"Stefanie," Sharon's voice came down the line shocked it was her daughter, at the same time relief flooded her. She didn't know where her daughter was. Ella had kept everyone in the dark and they had moved around so much.

"Mom I need you," Stef whispered, her voice breaking as tears ran down her face. "Please help me," She was whispering, she didn't want anyone to hear her. she was scared in case Ella would jump out at any moment and drag her back into the darkness she wanted to escape from.

"Where are you?" Sharon said without hesitation. She would do anything for her only daughter.

"Erm," Stef looked around, "Corner of fifth and Main in Mission Bay,"

"Stay where you are baby I'm coming to get you,"

"Please hurry,"

"I'm coming baby. I love you." Sharon said. Her voice full of motherly reassurance.

"I love you too Mom," Stef said as the line went dead. She turned, saw a bench. She went and saw down, watching the passing cars, she was doing her best not to draw attention to herself. she waited. It seemed like hours but it wasn't. it was only about fifteen minutes.

She smelt her before she saw her. Her mother's perfume was always the same. She looked up into Sharon's face and threw herself into her mother's arms.

Sharon wanted to ask but couldn't. not here and not now. She had to get her home. Get her safe. She hugged her daughter.

"I'm here now, I'm going to make it all okay." Sharon said as she gently rubbed her daughter's back.

"I'm sorry,"

"Hey, now is not the time or the place. C'mon let's get you home" Sharon said taking her daughter's bag and her hand. she led her to the car she had parked on a metre. Stef got in willingly. Watching as her mother got in and they drove towards her childhood home.

Sharon pulled the car into the garage and looked at her daughter.

"Let's get inside, I'll make you some coco and you can tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Okay" Stef said like a ten-year-old.

Sharon shook her head. The woman before her wasn't the daughter she had let loose on the world. It scared her. She could see her daughter was shaking. she really didn't know what had happened, but all she did know was she wanted it to stop and she was going to make it stop.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 0_

 _New Post – NEW START_

 _I did it, I got out. I'm lucky. She beat me badly today but something in my mind clicked. I walked for hours and left the neighbourhood behind. I called my Mom. It was the best thing I did. I'm currently lay on her bed using her laptop to keep you all updated. My Mom is with me, keeping me safe. I'm a grown ass woman sleeping in my mother's bed but I can't tell you how lucky I feel right now. She's made me coco, asked me if I'm hungry a million times but I'm not. I'm going to tell her I've not eaten since yesterday. El wouldn't let me. she said I didn't deserve the food. Now I feel like I don't deserve my Mom's love. I've been apart from her for so long._

 _Yet I called, and she came running._

 _How is that possible?_

 _How can she love me that much?_

 _I'm scared for the future, but right now. I'm safe with my Mom. I will let my wounds heal._

 _Where do I go from here? that's the big question. Where do I go from here?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sharon stood in the doorway of her bedroom and looked at her daughter, a daughter she thought she had lost forever. She had never seen her little girl so broken. She watched as Stef rolled over and curled up into a ball in the bed, making herself as small as possible. it broke Sharon's heart to see her daughter like this.

She knew that Stef had barely slept. She walked into the bedroom, she got onto the bed and gently ran her fingers through her daughter's hair and watched her daughter tense up and her body start to shake, her eyes squeezing closed.

"Shhh, it's okay baby doll, I'm here," Sharon said softly,

Her daughter didn't react, she just moved away from her. Sharon moved her hand away from her daughter and sat next to her, not knowing how to help or even how to calm her.

Stef slowly opened her eyes and realised she was in her mother's bedroom, still in her mothers bed. She'd done it. she'd gotten out.

"Mom," Stef whispered.

"I'm here," Sharon said, sitting close to her daughter but not touching her as she didn't want to distress her.

"Am I…?" Stef stopped she didn't know how to say it, if she could say it or was this all dream.

"Are you what sweetheart?" Sharon said using a voice she hadn't used in years. The voice she had used when her daughter was ill when she was younger. That comforting Mom voice that came from being a parent.

"Am I safe?" Stef asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"You are," Sharon said. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Stef nodded but didn't respond. She hadn't shown her mother her body. she hurt. She was in pain. She wanted it to go away but wasn't sure how that was going to happen.

She looked at the photograph on the night stand it was taken before she had meet Ella, she looked happy, carefree. Smiling at the camera. A Stef that wasn't visible anymore.

Stef didn't want to move. Her body and mind were both weak.

"Would you like something to eat?" Sharon asked her daughter was unweight and she could see that just from looking at her. something in Sharon told her that Ella wouldn't have gone without meals but it looked like Stef had.

"erm…" Stef didn't want to say, usually whatever answer she gave was a wrong one. She'd be hit or verbally attacked for whatever she said.

Sharon noticed her daughter's hesitation and she hated it. Before Ella, before all this her daughter was lively. Spoke her mind, she'd been a wild teenager, but she'd grown out of that as she had discovered who she was. The loss of her father when she was young hadn't helped but Stef had grown in to an amazing young woman and that had all been taken away.

"Sweetheart," Sharon said softly. "I'm not going to hurt you, ever, I'm your Mom that Ella." At the mention of her name Stef tensed. "I promise you baby, I just want to look after my little girl,"

Sharon admitted.

Stef nodded.

"I would like something to eat please." Stef said slowly.

"I'll make you some bacon. Stay there baby," Sharon said.

Stef listened to her mother going downstairs. She got up and went into the bathroom. Her body was shaking. she couldn't help it. after five years of nothing but abuse it was odd that someone was looking after her. she used to the toilet, washed her hands and splashed some water onto her face. before she got back into her mother's bed. She felt comfort sleeping here. she should sleep in her own bed in her own room which was down the hall but she couldn't bring herself to go there. she didn't want to leave the comfort of this room.

She propped the pillows up and looked around the room hadn't changed much. Her mother kept it neat and it was filled with photographs. Mostly of a younger version of Stef.

Stef jumped as the doorbell rang out and the sound of a fist hitting the front door repeated echoed through the house. Stef got up closing the bedroom door she sat behind it. putting all her weight against it. she knew who it was. she knew it would be Ella. Stef felt herself shaking and crying. She couldn't go back. She couldn't do this.

Sharon walked to the front door, wiping her hands on the towel that was causally thrown over her shoulder. She opened the door and saw a woman she wanted to kill.

Ella, was tall and muscular with her dark hair pulled back. Sharon smiled, her daughter had always had a type. she was attracted to dark women.

"And what do I owe this pleasure?" Sharon said, her voice sharp. She'd never been nice to Ella and after seeing her daughter broken she didn't like her at all.

"Where is she?" Ella demanded, looking into Sharon's hard eyes. she knew she couldn't bully Sharon but she was going to try.

"I'm sorry who?" Sharon asked, she wasn't letting this woman anywhere near her daughter.

"You know who?" Ella demanded.

"I'm sorry I don't." Sharon said

"Where is Stefanie?"

"I don't know. I've not seen her in years. Have you lost my daughter?" Sharon said, looking defensive. She was going to act the part.

"No, I've not fucking lost her. she's stolen money and left me."

"Stolen money, that doesn't sound like my Stef," Sharon said. "She's always been very law abiding."

"My God you're a fucking pain in my ass, I should beat the crap out of you."

"Just try it," Sharon said, squaring up to Ella, who quickly backed down. she didn't like to be challenged. "You're like all bullies."

"Where the fuck is she?"

"Away from you." Sharon said slowly. "And if you ever, ever come here again I'll call the police. I'm sure one of Frank's old buddies would have no problems locking you up for what you've done to my little girl,"

"She can't prove anything," Ella said.

"She's not told me anything. I just have to look at her. she didn't get those bruises and cut lip on her own." Sharon said, holding her own.

"She deserved it."

"No one deserves that. I can't make her press charges against you but if you come near me or her again I'll make sure your life is hell, do you understand me?"

"You can't threaten me. Do you know who I am?" Ella said.

"I'm very aware of who you are. You're a bully, a domestic abuser and a coward. I think that about sums it up." Sharon watched as Ella didn't look as confident as she had when she had arrived.

"She will crawl back to me. she will be in my bed by the end of the week."

"You keep telling yourself that." Sharon said. "Now please get off my property."

"She will come back to me,"

"Oh whatever, go away." Sharon said slamming the door shut in her face and bolting it. she went to the side window and watched as Ella walked back down the pathway and looked up at the house. She got into her car and sped away.

Sharon went upstairs, seeing the bedroom door had been closed. She tried to open it put knew there was weight against it.

"Stef, baby, sweetheart it's Mom,"

"Has…has she…gone." Stef said between sobs,

This broke Sharon in two. Her outgoing, carefree daughter was a mess and she was now determined more than ever to make this right.

"She has baby," She heard shuffling from the other side of the door and then she slowly opened the door to find her daughter, shaking and crying sat at the bottom of her bed, with her back resting against her bed. Sharon walked over, knelt down next to her daughter and took her into her arms.

For the first time in a long time Stef wrapped herself around her mother and cried. Holding onto the one person in life that made her feel safe. She needed her Mom more than every and she was glad she had her.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 085_

 _New Post – where we go from here._

 _I am writing this blog more for anyone who is or has been in a domestically violent relationship. I'm only starting to get out. I'm running. Well I ran. I'm now with my Mom and for the first time in five years I feel safe._

 _Today EL turned up at the house. My God did my mother put her in her place. The one thing about my Mom is she's a very strong woman and no one gets the better of her. EL slipped away after my mother basically told her she was going to get my late dad's buddies to arrest her. you see my father was a police officer and my Mom is still looked after by the service because my dad died on duty. A stolen car rammed his police car off the road and it flipped the car and a metal spike killed him. I was fourteen. I lost my daddy._

 _At nineteen I was living with El, a woman ten year older than me and she cut me off from everyone. She made sure I had no friends, no family, no where to run. I'm twenty-four and back at home. I've had a journey I didn't want to take and no woman or man should have to go through._

 _Today as I write this I've got a split lip, a black eye, bruising my cheekbone, neck, shoulder, down both arms, my back is mess my rips hut and my legs have her shoe prints on._

 _After this last beating I knew I had to leave. She was going to kill me. I didn't want to be another domestic partner murdered by their lover._

 _Ha, lover. There was no love there. I don't know why I stayed so long._

 _Well I do._

 _Fear._

 _I let fear rule my life for too long and that has to change. Listening my mother putting El in her place I knew I have to change. It's going to be a long journey this. one I'm going to have to walk to get my life back. Get who I am back. To become a better version of me._

 _This is my new start._

 _All I have is a bag full of clothes and couple of hundred dollars but we all have start somewhere._

 _I know I'm lucky my Mom come running. I'm an only child and I know how lucky I am._

 _But forever doesn't start tomorrow._

 _It starts TODAY._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 358_

 _New Post – fear._

 _You shouldn't be afraid of the person that you are supposed to be in love with. It's only once you leave and find that people outside care that your realise that the person you were with didn't love you._

 _I was young and stupid._

 _When I meet El I was nineteen and I thought that the world was mine to have. She was ten years older than me. I thought I'd landed on my feet. She took me out, Made me feel grown up. just before my 20_ _th_ _birthday she asked me to move in with her and I decided too. Mom didn't want me too she never liked her but I was stubborn. I moved in with her. about six miles away from my Mom's and friends._

 _It took about a week I think before she hit me for the first time. it was s slap because she didn't like the dinner I had made. I should have left then. If I had known that five years later I'd be running away I would have gone._

 _I've lost count with how many times I have had to go to Urgent Care to be fixed up. but over the years she's broken both my wrists more times then I can think, she's broken my nose twice, she's broken all my fingers, split my head open, strangled me, kicked me, punched me, rammed me in doors, walls, mirrors, cupboards. You name it she's done it too me._

 _Why didn't I run?_

 _I can hear you all saying it, thinking it._

 _She controlled me. she made me think that no one cared. She put me into a position where my friends and family were torn from me. she made sure I didn't see them and they didn't see me. I felt alone. like she was all I had._

 _I did love her._

 _I really did._

 _Not now and not for months._

 _I can't explain it. I don't know how to explain it. but slowly over the last few months, as the beatings got worse something clicked in my brain I had to leave. I'm twenty five in a few days._

 _I had to get out._

 _That last beating was too much. I was standing in my shower crying. No one should be made to feel fear and shame by the person who is supposed to love them._

 _I'm not sure if I'll ever find love._

 _I'm not sure what my future holds._

 _I'm living with my Mom, penny-less. I've been given a few jobs. I'm a writer by trade. So as the jobs come in I will do them, I've changed where we get paid too as El controlled everything._

 _Today my Mom set me up a new bank account and we've set up new emails, I feel like I'm starting over._

 _The worst part of this all._

 _I'm still leaving in fear._

 _I'm still sleeping in my Mom's bed._

 _Every time there is a knock on the door I jump. Every time my Mom raise her voice even just a little I find myself tensing and locking myself in the bathroom._

 _Mom doesn't know how to react. I don't know how to deal with the feelings I have._

 _I've taken the first step in leaving but my life is a complete and utter mess. I've got to start taking control of myself._

 _Move on. Hopefully my life can get better. and I can find the better version of me._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Stef sat on the floor in the room that had once been her bedroom, growing up this was the room with the door she had slammed. The comfort when she had needed it and her private space, now, even through it was still painted as it had always been, this was not her room. she sat her legs crossed her back against the bed as she went through photographs. Photographs of her past. Photographs of eighteen-year-old Stef before she had meet Ella, before her life had changed. She looked carefree. Learning to be open and honest about who and what she was. her crazy haircut, the butch clothes. This was the person she had wanted to be. But that felt lost now. Like it had gone.

"Stef, sweetheart?" Sharon said as she came into the room seeing her daughter.

"Mmm," Stef looked up at her mother, for a moment Sharon saw a flash of fear but she reverted back to knowing she was safe.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes why?"

"I was calling for you and you didn't answer." Sharon said.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to not listen." Stef said, fearing raising. It was moments like this where Ella would beat her, take out her rage on her because Stef hadn't heard her or had been lost in her own head.

"Honey it's okay you didn't hear me. we've got to go,"

"Go? Go where?" Stef asked

"I've made a doctor's appointment for you, and before you argue with me, you have to go, you've got bruises and cuts all over you and I want them to be checked over."

Stef took a deep breath. she knew her mother was right. she knew that he had to see a doctor her mind and body were broken.

Stef dropped her head. she simply nodded at her mother before dropping the photographs into the box. She slowly got up. Sharon reached over to help her daughter but watched her tense the moment that Sharon was near her and she stepped away. Sharon knew her daughter needed time. she needed space, but this was going to take forever. Stef picked up her hoodie to cover her arms and her skinny body. it was time to visit the doctor.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3479_

 _New Post – A visit to my new doctor._

 _My mother made me, I didn't want to go but she made me. she was right to make me I know that. I'm a mess._

 _I mean I'm sat on the closet of my childhood bedroom currently hiding from her because I'm scared to make her angry. She's my Mom, the woman who gave me life and I'm scared of her. I'm scared that the things that made El angry, make everyone angry. I know you think that's stupid but it's not to me._

 _Mom made me see a doctor today. A female one. She was kind, I guess. She examined me. I'm underweight. I've got a couple of bad cuts to my back I didn't know about because my body is dulling to the pain and my bruising should be gone within weeks._

 _She also wants me to see someone._

 _A professional._

 _I don't want too. I'm not ready to talk to someone._

 _That appears odd to be. As I'm fine talking to you all here. but I'm hiding behind my screen. I'm a keyboard warrior._

 _But what I don't want to become is yet another victim._

 _El has ruined my life. completely. I'm living in fear of my own shadow._

 _I was looking at photographs today of eighteen-year-old me. newly out and proud me and I'm so different. I'm not the broken, mess of a woman I am now._

 _If only I can turn the clock back and tell her not to fall in love with the tail, stunning black woman she was going to fall in love with the next year and spend five years and properly the rest of her life regretting she'd ever meet her._

 _I shouldn't be living my life the way I am. I was once this amazingly bright woman. now I'm just lost and alone._

 _El has been my whole life for so long. she was my world. I thought at one point we would be together forever._

 _Perhaps I don't know what love is?_

 _Maybe I can't find love._

 _Is all hope lost?_

 _Am I broken?_

 _I really don't know._

 _COMMENT(1)_

 _Dr. Lena E. Adams._

 _Dear Better_Version_

 _I want you to know, there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing broken about you. From what I've read on your posts you've been living through hell and you're coming out the other side. You've got a long and sometimes difficult journey ahead. You're going to need support and understanding. My heart goes out too you. I've never been in your situation and I was doing research for a paper when I came across your blog. You're stronger than you think. Trust me. You've done one of the biggest steps you've got out. you've got out of the toxic relationship which was leaving you broken. You've got to rebuild and sometimes you need a stranger to talk too. You can if you wish talk to me. I've left my chat info for you in your private inbox. Feel free to chat anytime. Life is an open book. You get to write the next page._

 _Private Chat room for Lena E Adams_

Better_Version: (logged in)

DoctorLena: Hello,

Better_Version: Hi

DoctorLena: My name is Lena, but you don't have to give me your real name,

Better_Version: Thank you, I wasn't going too.

DoctorLena: that's okay

Better_Version: I just really wanted to thank you for the kind words on my blog.

DoctorLena: It was nothing. I meant every word.

Better_Version: Life is an open book and I get to write the next chapter, makes me feel like I should be already over what happened to me

DoctorLena: No, that will always take time. its never going to just happen. Life isn't that simple. What happened to you will stay with you in some shape or form for the rest of your life but you're young and you've got out of that toxic situation.

Better_Version: She keeps coming to my Mom's house, where I'm staying. She parking outside, like no one sees her but I know she's there. I look out of the window and her car is there.

DoctorLena: You need to report it. otherwise she will keep doing it

Better_Version: I can't.

DoctorLena: What do you mean?

Better_Version: I just can't sorry I just can't

Better_Version: (logged out.)

Stef slammed her laptop shut. She didn't know why she had revealed so much to the stranger, but she had. She'd said too much and panicked. What if it was Ella trying to trick her. she took a deep breath before getting off her childhood bed and getting into the closet to hide. Something she had done with Ella was drunk. She curled into the corner, her body shaking. her mind racing. She couldn't help it. this felt too real. She'd opened up to a stranger and that stranger really could have been anyone.

Across town Dr. Lena Adams took a deep breath as she closed down her laptop. She felt like she had failed. she had reached out to someone and failed. she wanted to make her life better. she'd started reading the blog as apart for her research for the University of San Diego but now she cared. Cared deeply about the young woman who seemed so close to the edge, yet she didn't know how to reach her. she would have wait and hope that Better_Version came to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Stef woke, her body shaking a cold sweat running down her face, she looked around. Glad she was in her childhood bed. She threw the sheets off, sitting onto the side of the bed, she put her head into her hands, her long blonde hair falling into her face. She felt low. She looked up at the new mac book that her Mom had purchased for her. She turned on the desk lamp. Before starting the laptop. She hated that the middle of the night was the worst the dreams were the worst. She opened google and decided she had to put her name in.

Dr. Lena E Adams.

She watched as the screen loaded.

The University of San Diego School of Social Science.

Dr Lena Elizabeth Adams

Key Researcher for the School of Social Science.

Subject: Criminologist.

Education:

BA (Hons) Criminology: First Class Hons Degree from Oxford University.

MSC Criminology and Criminal Justice: First Class degree Yale University.

PhD Criminology. Paper: The Mental Condition of Woman after being in a domestically violent relationship: first class degree The University of San Diego.

Research:

Dr Adams is a leading figure on victimology, she's published a number of papers and a book on domestic violence and it's affects on the women and men that suffer it.

She is currently teaching, she has a number of PhD students under her.

Stef looked, next to the writing, looking at the smiling bi-racial woman that was looking out at her. she was attracted to her. but she couldn't think like that. She couldn't let her think like that. But she could see that the person she had been speaking to early that night was real. She took a deep breath. she got up and went down into the kitchen. She took out a bottle of water. Drinking nearly all of it in one go. She dropped the bottle into the recycle can. She took a deep breath.

She jumped when there banging on the front door.

She knew her mother would wake if this carried on.

Stef went to the door opened and her eyes opened wide.

"You fucking bitch." Ella yelled.

Stef could smell the drink as Ella pushed her into the house, making Stef miss her footing and she fell back hitting her back onto the wooden floor.

"How dare you leave me?"

"Please, El, please." Stef pleaded. As Ella started to punch and kick her.

"What? What do you want Bitch, I gave you a house, a car, a life and you leave me? No one leaves me." Ella punctuated every word with a kick or a punch. She was too busy hitting Stef that she didn't hear the police cars, she didn't hear them come up behind her and they didn't realise they were there until they gripped her and pulled her back. She managed to kick Stef a couple more times as she was dragged outside and cuffed

Sharon ran down the stairs to her down. she had called the police and because it was Frank's widow on the end of the phone they had been there on seconds. Sharon dropped to her knees as she held Stef's now bloody face in her hands. Stef's body had gone into shock and she was having a seizure. Sharon held her head. As another police officer who had arrived, he spoke into his radio.

"Sharon," he said.

She looked up at him

"Jeff," It was one of Frank's work buddies.

"An ambulance is on it's way. Who is that?" He asked.

"Ella Markson, she's 35, and my daughter's former partner, take the bitch away." Sharon said as Stef's body calmed. Her blood was pooling onto the wooden floor as the EMT's came in. taking over from Sharon.

"Has she ever had a seizure before?" One EMT asked, Sharon looked at her daughter,

"No, not that I know off." Sharon said.

"Right, we're going to take her to hospital for a doctor to look a her."

"I'm coming with her," Sharon said, she wasn't letting her daughter out of her sight.

"Not a problem, we are going now," He said, as Stef started to come around,

"Mo…mo…Mom." She coughed

"I'm here baby, I'm right here." Sharon said as she looked at the cop car and saw Ella siting, her hand behind her back, her head down.

"I'm…I'm…sorry," Stef said softly.

Sharon's heart broke. Her daughter was still thinking that it was her fault. That she had done something wrong that this was her fault. She got into the back of the ambulance taking her daughter's hand and just wanting her to be okay.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 14589_

 _New Post – What just happened?._

 _I'm in hospital, and writing this on my Mom's iPad. In the middle of the night El showed up. I woke in the night and ended up downstairs getting water, there was knocking the door and she was there and she was beating me again. My Mom called the police. My father was a cop. he was shot dead when I was fourteen so when my Mom called in, they rushed to the house. She's been arrested. I've given my statement to the police. I've got a few cuts, more bruising and a concussion._

 _What happens next?_

 _I've got to press charges. I know that. I've had a seizure tonight. I've now got to have a number of tests to ensure the blows to my head haven't triggered anything._

 _I'm better than this right? I have to be._

 _This is not love._

 _This is pain,_

 _This is heartache._

 _This is not me._

 _I need to find me._

 _She doesn't own me anymore._

 _I have to start my new life. I can't keep ending up in hospital, my Mom looks shocked._

 _I don't want this._

 _I need to redefine me and find me. I'm young enough to start again. I have to find me._

 _I'm fed up with hospitals, I'm fed up with being in pain. My body is giving up on me. the moment I was told I'd had a seizure I knew this all had to change. It has to change._

COMMENT (1)

 _Dr. Lena E. Adams._

 _I'm sorry to hear that you're in hospital. I'm sorry that your partner has done this too. I'm always here if you want to talk, I'm not going to judge you._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 _Lena Adam's Private Chat._

Better_Version: (logged in)

DoctorLena: Hi there, how are you?

Better_Version: I've been better, I've been discharged from hospital. We came back to the house and my blood was all over the entrance way. I can't put myself through that again

DoctorLena: sometimes you need a trigger. What was your trigger to leave your partner?

Better_Version: She beat me one night and smashed my face into a mirror. I knew she would kill me.

DoctorLena: You're gay?

Better_Version: Yes I thought that was clear from my blog.

DoctorLena: I just wanted to make sure. Sorry for asking

Better_Version: No I'm sorry for getting upset.

DoctorLena: Don't be. Are you feeling better?

Better_Version: I'm on anti seizure medication. It could be a life time change for me

DoctorLena: I'm sure it won't last long.

Better_Version: I looked you up,

DoctorLena: What did you find?

Better_Version: You're a criminologist. You work for the university of San Diego.

DoctorLena: You know more about me than I know about you.

Better_Version: I'm Stefanie Foster. Stef to my friends.

DoctorLena: Hi Stef,

Better_Version: hi, I'm twenty-four. I'll be twenty-five tomorrow and I'm a writer.

DoctorLena: Happy birthday for tomorrow,

Better_Version: It's going to be the first birthday I will celebrate since I was nineteen. She wouldn't let me. I've got my Mom. I've lost all my friends. I'm lucky my Mom was there for me. even more so now. I've never wanted her to be in my life so much as now.

DoctorLena: I'm glad that you've got her. some women leave to nothing.

Better_Version: When I ran I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. I kept walking till I found my Mom's house. I'm so glad that she was there. I didn't want think she would be. I'm lucky. I know women don't get out.

DoctorLena: They don't. women are killed by their partners every day.

Better_Version: Last night when I woke up, after she'd beaten me. I knew I had to press charges. Mom said she saw her sitting in the back of the cop car, her head down and she looked ashamed.

DoctorLena: She's a bully and she's lost the person she can bully the most. You've done the hardest part. You've got out.

Better_Version: You know a lot about this.

DoctorLena: I've done a lot of research into it. I've never been in your situation. I've not walked into your shoes. But I can offer you friendship.

Better_Version: Why?

DoctorLena: Why? What?

Better_Version: Why did you choose me?

DoctorLena: I found your blog by accident. Your very unique. You're ready to talk to millions about your experience but I bet you've not told your Mom everything she did to you

Better_Version: my Mom witness her beating me last night.

DoctorLena: I'm sorry that should never happen to anyone.

Better_Version: You are too kind.

DoctorLena: I try

Better_Version: thank you, I've got to rest.

DoctorLena: I get that, please let us talk again tomorrow.

Better_Version: Okay, I will see what I can do

DoctorLena: That's all I ask, have a relaxing evening.

Better_Version: You too

DoctorLena: Goodnight Stef

Better_Version: (logged off)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She stood in the bathroom, completely naked. Looking at her broken body. she could see every bruise, every un-healed cut, every scar that had a story. She was overly thin. She hated her look right now. She turned away from the mirror and picked up a pair of girly boxers that her Mom had bought her. she picked up the sports bra covering her breasts. Her mother had bought her new clothes. She put on the new button-down shirt, rolling up the sleeves. She put her jeans on. Slipping her feet into sneakers.

She opened the door.

"Mom," She said as she walked down the stairs.

"Yes Sweetheart."

"Can we go and get my hair cut." She asked as she walked into the kitchen.

Sharon looked at her, could see the stitches that were above her eye.

"What?"

"Can we go and get my hair cut?"

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes, Mom, I want to be me again. Do you remember when I came out?"

"You came out and went for a butchy look."

"Yeah, you've bought me all shirts, t-shirts, jeans and yoga pants."

"It's what you liked when you eighteen."

"It was, but I want my hair short again,"

"We can do that, let me call Claire,"

"You still go to Claire." Stef smiled, as she proud herself some coffee.

"Yes, I do." Sharon laughed. "You're a little more relaxed,"

"She's in jail Mom," Stef said slowly.

"Jeff phoned and said that they have set her bail high on purpose. Turns out the judge knew your father."

"I can't relax if she's free."

"Well, the officers were wearing body cams and they saw how violent she is, hopefully that will work in our favour and she can go to prison for a long time."

"Do you think she will plead guilty?" Stef asked as she nursed a cup of coffee, leaning against the back the counter.

"I don't now baby, I don't. I wish I knew. She's an evil piece of work."

"I'm sorry I brought her into our lives."

"Honey you can't think like that, okay. she's going to be apart for you past forever, but what we need to do is not let the past have a negative affect on your future." Sharon said looking at her daughter. "If that starts with a haircut, new clothes and you finding yourself. Lets do it. we are going to take baby steps. Your body needs to heal, you mind needs to get over the things that have happened to you, you need to grow, and I will help you. I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Mom," Stef said softly before putting her cup down and hugging her mother.

Sharon hugged her daughter back rubbing her back gently, knowing she was sore. Her daughter held her.

"Let me call Claire."

"Thank you Mom," Stef smiled, before she looked in the fridge looking at the food they had as her mother called her best friend. She was having a chat, explaining Stef's situation. Stef stopped listened to the conversation, she knew not to listen, Ella had always beaten her for listening in. Stef got on with making her breakfast.

"Claire says she will do it."

"Sorry what?" Stef said turning to her Mom,

"Claire says she will do it and do it for free."

"Why for free?"

"Because she said for free baby, so we have to go at seven this evening is that okay?"

"Not like I've got anywhere else to be,"

"Did you meet your deadline?" Sharon asked. Knowing her daughter had two articles due.

"They've both been sent Mom don't worry."

"I do,"

"Thank you," Stef said looking at her mother.

"I love you Stefanie, I don't tell you enough but I love you."

Stef suddenly started crying

"I love you too Mom, so much,"

Sharon engulfed her daughter and held her tightly as for the first time Stef openly cried about the whole situation.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 23551_

 _New Post – Haircut._

 _My Mom took me today to get my haircut short again. It's time I found myself. I'm never going to truly get over what has happened to me but I've got to start moving forward._

 _Mom is helping me she's bought me new clothes and her friend Claire cut my hair. We're moving forward._

 _El is in jail, she's got a very high bail that she can't pay and she will remain there until trial._

 _Now I've got to step forward into the light and leave the darkness behind._

 _I will find me_

 _I will be me._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Stef took a deep breath, she looked at the court house. Today she would have to face Ella.

Sharon looked at her daughter, before she reached over and took her hand.

"Together we will make sure that this woman goes down." Sharon said.

"I'm scared Mom,"

"You've got nothing to be scared off."

"What if no one in that courtroom believes me."

"They will, there is video evidence." Sharon said, as they slowly walked up the steps and walking into the large count house.

"Mom, I can't do this,"

"You can, you have too." Sharon said looking at her daughter. Who was looking around panicked.

"Mom, please I can't do this,"

Sharon gently looked at her rubbing her hand.

"You can, trust me. you can."

Stef nodded as they walked into the courtroom. She didn't know how she was going to get through this. Stef sat down with the lawyer. She looked around as Ella was brought in, wearing a jump suit. She looked at Stef across the room. Stef turned to look at the jury who were filing in as well.

"Your honour I would like to call Dr. Lena Adams." Jeff Hardman, her lawyer said.

Stef looked shocked as Lena walked into the courtroom, she looked stunning in a pencil skirt and her top tucked into it, her hair up out of her face. Stef was drawn to her, she couldn't keep her eyes of her as she walked to the stand and said her orth.

"Dr Adams, you're an expert in criminology,"

"Yes I am, Sir," Lena's voice as like silk.

Stef was swooning and she couldn't help it.

"What is your lead topic?"

"I'm an expert in victimology,"

"You've also worked on a number of domestic violent cases I believe."

"I'm sometimes called in by the police service to speak to the person accused of the act."

"Did you speak to Ms Ella Carter?"

"I did." Lena said,

Stef couldn't take her eyes of her. Sharon noticed her daughter was watching her. Stef was shaking. she knew being this close to Ella wasn't helping but right now her eyes were locked on Lena.

"What did you think of Ms Carter?"

"She's a bully, she tried a number of times to get me to change my report. She wanted us to make her sound as normal as possible. She wants people to follow her lead."

"Do you believe that she's domestically violent towards Ms Foster?" Hardman said.

"Yes, she openly admitted when I spoke to her that she thought Ms Foster was worthless and not worth her time." Lena said slowly.

Lena looked at Stef.

"She believes that Ms Foster is just someone to serve her. "

"Thank you,"

Stef stood outside of the courthouse, a coffee in her hand. looking around the grassed area,

"Hello Stefanie," Lena said walking up to her, she made Stef jump a little but Stef looked at her.

"You lied to me."

"No I didn't."

"You knew who I was from the start," Stef said.

"I wasn't sure. I was called to the police station the night Ella was arrested. I found your blog completely by accident." Lena said softly.

"She beat the crap out of me ad there is a chance that Ella is going to walk free." Stef said. "You're like everyone else in my life."

"What do you mean?" Lena asked.

"You've used me." Stef said.

"I've not,"

"You have, Ella used me for her temper. You've used me to get a better view on El. She's going to walk out of there and I'm going to be at square one scared to leave the house and you'll be back at work forgetting about me."

"Stef," Lena said slowly. "I saw the photos of your injuries. I've seen your medical records. I know what you went through. Ella is not going to walk away from what she did. They've got video evidence of her beating you at your mother's house. She's not got any way to walk away."

"You don't know that. You've used me like she has."

"I never used you. I wanted to go to know you. Help you."

"You can't help me. I'm already broken. I don't need yours or anyone else help." Stef threw her coffee, half drank into the trash before she turned and walked up the stairs slowly.

"Stefanie, Stef please. I don't mean to come across as using you. I didn't honestly."

"You are like everyone else."

"No, I'm not. I saw what she's done too you." Lena said, Stef turned towards her. "You've been through hell and I just want to help you."

"What if I don't want your help?" Stef said but her voice, was wavering

"I think you need someone away from the craziness to talk to. Someone who doesn't know you. Someone you can have coffee with. Please Stef, let me help you."

"Okay," Stef sounded defeated.

"Really?" Lena said. Walking up the stairs.

"Yes,"

"Let me take you for coffee, tomorrow evening."

"Fine, erm, where?"

"There is a coffee shop near the pier,"

"Oh Eric's."

"Yes. You know it."

"Not been there in years." Stef admitted.

"Well we will meet there about six tomorrow?"

"Sure, erm." Stef said. "I've got to go back in."

"Here is my card, Stef. Text me if you need too. Or even call me." Lena said.

Stef took it before walking away.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 57136_

 _New Post – Court._

 _Today was hard. really hard. I had to sit in the courtroom and listen to how El beat me. she plead not guilty but was found guilty by the jury in twenty minutes._

 _She's got 25 years._

 _I'm not supposed to be scared anymore. But I am. I'm scared of everything._

 _I've meet someone. It's too soon. I know that. She's asked me for coffee. I think she's trying to be a friend. I've not had friends in a long time. we're going to have coffee. At a place I've not been too since before I meet El._

 _My life is changing. It's scary._

 _I'm not sure whats going to happen._

 _I've been lost for so long._

 _But I've got to stop thinking that the world around me is against me._

 _El made me think that there was only her in my life. I could only love her._

 _I need to find me._

 _Love me._

 _I have to start now._

 _But first I'm going to eat whatever Mom has made for dinner, because I've just remembered I've not eaten since yesterday._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Stef found herself looking around, as she sat outside of Eric's. She wasn't used to being out in public alone. Ella had never really let her out, she was scared that she would lose her grip on Stef.

Lena walked along the road and saw her. since meet her the day of the trial, all she could think about was Stef. She really didn't see the broken woman. She saw a beautiful woman. her short spiky blonde hair, the way she dressed. The amazing hazel eyes. Her cheek bones. It had been a long time since she'd found herself thinking about a woman as much as this. she knew she had too take things slowly. she wouldn't do anything to ruin this.

Stef looked up when she felt someone watching her. She noticed that Lena was walking towards her, she tried to hide the smile. She watched as the woman walked towards her, she looked great in a long skirt and a flowing top. A purse over her shoulder and her curly hair bouncing as she walked. Stef found herself watching with her mouth open. the moment she realised she closed her mouth shut, just as Lena arrived at the table.

"Hey Stef. May I sit with you?"

Stef looked confused.

"Sure, but you made me agree to this," Stef said.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable," Lena admitted.

"Thank you," Stef said as Lena took the seat. Stef found herself playing with the menu. She was nervous. She hadn't had any kind of friends or friendship since she was nineteen this was all new.

"Would you like coffee?" Lena asked.

"Erm," Stef looked nervous. What she wanted was iced coffee. But she knew not to ask for anything.

"Something else?" Lena said, noticing that she was uncomfortable.

"Iced coffee please," Stef said.

"Iced coffee it is, let me just go and get it."

Stef watched as Lena walked into the coffee shop. She was nervous. She started playing with the bracelet she was wearing, wooden beads that her mother had bought for her. She was watching people walk by. Looking at the people just living their lives. it had been a while since she had lived.

Lena walked out with an iced coffee for Stef and an ice tea for herself. she sat back down and took her in. looking at this scared woman.

"Stef,"

"Yes," Stef looked at Lena.

"Life is now yours for the taking you do know that don't you?" Lena asked slowly.

"Life was never mine for the taking,"

"You're a talent writer." Lena said

"How do you know?" Stef said her voice going defences.

"I've read you blog, plus I've found what you've written for the magazines and papers."

"I'm self-taught." Stef said slowly.

Lena looked at her.

"Do you know you have a new life to start now. She can't hurt you anymore,"

"She can," Stef said, "Just not physically."

"What do you mean?"

Stef looked up and saw the brown eyes of Lena's looking back at her.

"Mentally she will be with me forever, I don't like people making sudden movements, I'm…" Stef stopped.

"You can trust me,"

"I barely know you." Stef said slowly.

Lena could see that it took a lot for her to say that, she also noticed how tense Stef was.

"Stef, I'm offering you friendship, I know it's not started well, with me giving evidence at your girlfriend's trial and not telling you but please, cards on the table I just want to offer you friendship." Lena said her voice calm and gentle.

Stef looked at her

"Why?" She whispered, her hands shaking, making her put her iced coffee down. questioning was one of the ways she could get hit. She didn't want it now. She didn't want a beating in public. Her brain was going into overdrive.

"Because I can offer you friendship." Lena said slowly, "Look I'll be honest, okay?"

"Okay," Stef almost stumbled over the word.

"I'm attracted to you, but I know you won't be able to have a relationship right now, you're scared to even question me. I get it. it's fine. I'm not going to force myself upon you. I know I'm coming on a little strong but sometime you need a little extra help. I'm offering your my friendship, someone to talk too, maybe go to dinner with. Learn to live your life again. You've been caged in a terrible relationship for so long. now is the time to move on from it. move forward and I want to help you." Lena said, her voice staying low and soft the whole time. understanding that Stef was scared.

"Thank you," Stef said with a tear in her eye, no one but her mother had been this nice to her for no reason. "I like your honestly."

"You're going to have to take baby steps. I know that. I write enough about domestic violence. You're very unique woman, Stef. I just want to help you,"

"I'm grateful for that. Friendship is something I need right now."

"Then it's on the table." Lena said.

Stef finally smiled.

"Thank you,"

"You don't have to thank me. I'll be honest with you. We have to start this relationship with honestly." Lena said slowly.

"I'm grateful for the honesty." Stef said slowly.

Lena looked at her and smiled.

"So Stefanie," Lena laughed.

"What?"

"How's your coffee?"

They both started laughing and for the first time in a long time Stef felt safe.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 87144_

 _New Post – A new friendship._

 _Today I made a massive step forward. I took the friendship of a stranger. Well, I say she's a stranger. She was at the trial. But I meet her here._

 _She was open and honest with me and for the first time in a long time. I laughed. Really laughed. She makes me tense and relaxed. it's strange. I can't explain the feelings I have when I'm with her. it's hard._

 _I'm starting to realise that my love for El died a long time ago. Today another human other than my mother or a health care professional was caring to me, and I enjoyed being around her but I think life is just going to get harder._

 _We all need to start moving forward but I know it's going to be tiny steps._


	10. Chapter 10

Sharon walked into the kitchen and smiled at her daughter who was sat at the island, her glasses on the end of her nose and her mac book open, she was making notes at whatever she was looking at. Sharon walked around her daughter, gently putting her hand onto her daughters shoulder, watching her tense before relaxing when she released it was her mother. Sharon still hated that Ella had given this nervousness to her daughter.

"What are you doing honey?" Sharon asked, looking at the screen and seeing apartments.

"I'm…erm…" Stef stopped. She was still so jumpy, her body tensed.

"Honey, I'm not going to hurt you," Sharon reassured her daughter.

"I'm just looking at apartments, close by, not too expensive. I've got enough money from the last couple of pieces for me to get a mortgage." Stef's voice was barely a whisper like she was ashamed that she was looking to move on.

"you don't need to get a mortgage," Sharon said seriously

"What? Mom, I do, I can't afford a place without it." Stef said looking up at her mother who stood at the end of the island nursing a cup of tea.

"When you were 21 the trust your father put away for you matured. I couldn't give it to you because, well. You know," Sharon said, slowly, looking at her daughter,

"What?"

"When your father passed away he left most of his money to you, so we put it in a trust. It built up. it was a high rate savings account but you were not allow to touch it till you 21. I left the money in there. I knew one day you would come back to me. and you would need it." Sharon admitted.

"How much we talking Mom?" Stef asked, looking at her mother.

"The last statement had $750,000 in it."

Stef looked at her mother in complete shock.

"What? Dad left me that much,"

"He was good with his money baby, don't worry. So how much is the apartment you want?" Sharon asked, trying to move the conversation along. She wanted the best for her. she knew her daughter had been through hell, she'd even witnessed it herself. it broke her heart.

"The one I'm thinking about looking at $350,000 but it needs work."

"How big is it?"

"One bedroom apartment," Stef said.

"Let's see what else there is," Sharon said, sitting next to her daughter and rubbing her back gently. Stef simply smiled and handed the mac to her Mom.

Lena:

Hey Stef, how are you today

Stef:

Hey Lena, I'm good been looking at apartments,

Lena:

Are you thinking of moving out of your Mom's place?

Stef:

I can't stay here forever, I love her but she's driving me insane. Plus I think I need my own space.

Lena:

That's understandable. My mother drives me crazy.

Stef:

I think it's what Mom's do. but in my heart, I'm so grateful to her. if she hadn't opened her door that night and let me there is a chance I would have gone back to El.

Lena:

I'm grateful you didn't.

Stef:

I am too, I had to leave. I think she would have killed me.

Lena:

I think you might be right. After writing the report on her.

Stef:

What are you doing this evening?

Lena:

My friends have invited me out. I think we are going to the Laurel.

Stef:

The Laurel?

Lena:

It's a lesbian bar in Mission Bay. I've been going for years. I used to go with my ex-girlfriend. My friends enjoy going there because it's buy one get one free cocktails.

Stef:

Agh, I've never really been out, I think it's too much for me at the moment. I tense up when my Mom get too close to me today.

Lena:

Why?

Stef:

She came up behind me put her hand on my shoulder, something El used to do.

Lena:

You were never safe with her.

Stef:

Never. From the moment I moved in it was mistake. I thought that was love but it wasn't I was living with a bully.

Lena:

I am sorry

Stef:

Life is now improving. I've got to look forward.

Lena:

Your past will not define you but it will shape you

Stef:

I think you are right. I've got to get back to work. See you soon.

Lena:

See you soon.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 145944_

 _New Post – Turning points._

 _I'm looking for apartments it will be the first one I ever have alone. Mom dropped on me that I've got a bound that my father left me. which will help. Living with your Mom at twenty-five is odd. I'm trying my best to become me again. I just wish I would stop jumping out of my skin every time someone touches me or comes into my personal space. I've never been alone before._

 _Being in a relationship with El was hard work. She made me feel so small. She had a hold over me which I cannot explain._

 _I've got someone in my life now, who has offered me friendship and she's caring she texts, emails and calls me daily. she cares about what I'm thinking and feeling even when I cannot express it. She's calm and patient with me._

 _I am just scared of losing her friendship. I'm scared of not being enough. I'm learning to live again and it's taking time._

 _I'm grateful my Mom is with me. I am. Even when she bugs the crap out of me. But I know I'm going to have to move from here. it's just time._

 _It's a slow game._

 _But I don't miss El. I thought I would but I don't. my body is healing and I fell human again._

 _Slow and steady._

 _Slow and steady._


	11. Chapter 11

Stef stood on the beach, her feet bare. The ocean lapping at her feet, the wind in her hair. She closed her eyes letting the breeze go through her hair. her hands deep in her pockets. She took a deep breath. just taste the salt in the air. Her body relaxed. for the first time in a long time she was just taking in her surroundings.

Lena spotted her at once. Looking at her relaxed figure. She knew she couldn't just walk up to her. she didn't want to scare her. she slowly walked along the beach. Trying to make as much sound as possible.

Stef smiled, turning her head she saw Lena walking towards her trying to make noise as she came.

"You really are one of a kind." Stef smiled.

"I don't know what you mean Stef," Lena laughed.

"You're making noise to make sure you don't scare me. I see what you doing."

"I didn't want to creep up on you and scare you." Lena said honestly.

Stef smiled. she couldn't help it. It was a little act of kindness that she didn't expect.

"Thank you,"

"It's my pleasure, you seemed to be enjoying just standing here. Lena said as she sat herself down onto the sand and Stef followed, the ocean gently lapping at their feet.

"I missed the smell of the ocean, when I was a teenager I would be out there surfing. Then El happened and my life changed. She wouldn't let me surf, or do anything I wanted to do because she was scared people would see the bruises, the bite marks, the cuts." Stef's eyes never left the ocean as she spoke.

Lena looked at her, just taking in this scared woman.

"You can take up surfing again."

"I don't think my body would be up to it. I mean I've broken so many bones in the last five years." Stef said, her voice low, her tone sad.

"It may be something to think about, a way to meet new people," Lena said slowly.

"I'm very unsure of new people at the moment."

"You've let me."

"Yeah," Stef said, finally turning to look at the mocha skinned saint sat beside her. "You're different."

"What do you mean?" Lena asked softly.

"I don't know, I'm defenceless with you. It's like I let you in. I've not let anyone in really. Mom doesn't know the full extent to what happened between El and me yet, every time I see you I drop a little more detail in. I can't explain it." Stef said honestly before turning her eyes back to ocean.

"May I tell you something?" Lena asked softly

"Sure," Stef smiled

"When I went out with my friends recently, to the Laurel. I was stood at the bar and a woman came up and started chatting me up. I knew she just wanted to get laid but I wasn't interested. I didn't want to know. All I wanted, all I've ever wanted was to find someone to settle down with. Don't get me wrong I've had girlfriends. But when that woman was trying to get me into her bed, all I could think about was you," Lena said softly

"What?" Stef turned her head to look at Lena, their eyes locking,

"Honestly."

"Why would you think of me?" Stef asked.

"Stef, I'm attracted too you." Lena said. "I made their clear when we started this friendship. I'm not going to push you into a relationship, you're not ready for."

"I'm…erm…" Stef was blushing.

Lena smiled.

"I'm not going to push you Stef. You've just been through five years of hell, we've been getting to know each other and every day I feel closer to you. But I'm not going to push you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Stef slowly reached out, her hand was shaking. she gently rested her hand on Lena face. her fingers touching the soft skin of her face. she slowly moved forward and their lips meet. The kiss was soft, slow and gentle.

Stef slowly pulled back tears rolling down her face. she looked at Lena. her whole body was shaking. She had never felt like this before.

"Erm…" Stef said slowly, her hand dropped down, she pulled away.

"Don't pull away." Lena said softly.

"I'm scared…" Stef whispered, the slow tears running down her face.

"I know this is hard, but I won't push you,"

"Thank you." Stef said.

"It's not a problem."

"I've never felt like this before. Not even with El, we're going to have to go slow."

"I get that, I'm ready to do this at your pace." Lena said honestly.

"I can handle that. You'll have to understand I'm not going to find this easy,"

"I know that, but I'm willing to take it slow. I mean it."

Stef smiled as she reached out and linked her fingers with Lena. They sat on the beach holding hands as the sun set in front of them, neither speaking. Just enjoying each other's company. Stef in shock that she had kissed Lena. Lena overjoyed that Stef had kissed her.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 185754_

 _New Post – I kissed her._

 _I've shocked myself this evening. I kissed another woman._

 _I know that might not be shocking to you readers but I didn't expect this to happen. she offered me friendship and I took and we kissed. on beach at sunset, which now sounds more romantic that it should._

 _Kissing her was amazing. I'm not going to say it wasn't I enjoyed it. it felt amazing and I did cry._

 _I'm not sure what's going to happen now. I don't know where this is going to go but I do know this is my new start._

 _I'm scared._

 _I just don't want her to be another El._


	12. Chapter 12

Jenna looked at her best friend. She cocked her head to one side.

"Whats got into you?" Jenna asked, "And please be a woman,"

Lena laughed. As she wrapped a hand around her mug of coffee.

"I don't know what you mean?"

"You're in a dream world Lena, seriously."

"I've meet someone,"

"Finally." Jenna said taking a sip of her coffee. "Tell me more."

"I can't right now," Lena said

"What do you mean you can't right now? It's not a man is it?" Jenna said, completely seriously.

Lena couldn't help but start laughing,

"Jen, I've never been with a man and I'm not going to start now."

"Well I can't understand why you won't tell me about her," Jenna said slowly.

"It's early days,"

"But you're already day dreaming about her." Jenna remarked.

"I am but it's complicated." Lena said softly.

"Is she married?"

"No," Lena said, raising an eyebrow

"Is she already in a relationship?"

"No,"

"Is she younger than you,"

"Yes but only by a year."

"You're both free and single. I don't see how that is complicated."

"It just is," Lena said smiling to herself.

"Is she worth it?" Jenna asked seriously knowing that Lena had been hurt by the betrayal for her last girlfriend.

"Yes, she is. We need to take things slow."

"Who is this woman?" Jenna asked

"Her name is Stef Foster,"

"The author?"

"Sorry what?" Lena asked, looking at her friend who took out her cell phone and scrolled through, she then found the amazon page with Stef's three novels on.

"Here," Jenna said passing Lena her cell phone, Lena looked down at the choose of books in front of her. seven full length books. She looked at the author profile. It sounded like Stef. Could this be here Stef?

"I don't know. I know she writes for magazines." Lena said slowly. as she passed Jenna her phone back.

"You don't know her at all do you?"

"We are friends. We've kissed once. As I said it's complicated."

"Yeah I'm starting to see that Lena," Jenna smiled.

Lena sat back thinking. Just taking a moment.

 _Text messages_

Lena:

Hey, how was your day?

Stef:

Hey it was good, still looking at apartments. I'm a little scared

Lena:

It will be scary.

Stef:

How was your day?

Lena:

It was good I when to coffee with my friend Jenna. Can I ask you something?

Stef:

Sure

Lena:

Do you have any published novels

Stef:

Yes, seven, I'm in the process of writing number eight. They are about a lesbian detective. I thought you knew.

Lena:

No, my friend Jenna showed me on amazon.

Stef:

I'm sorry I didn't tell you

Lena:

You don't need to be sorry. I was just shocked.

Stef:

I should have told you, I wrote them while I was with El, she hated that I wrote but it brought in money.

Lena:

You're a talented woman. I must read them.

Stef:

I have spare copies.

Lena:

I will buy them, for the kindle.

Stef:

You don't' have to do that,

Lena:

I'm doing it right now.

Stef:

Thank you,

Lena:

It's not a problem. Will I see you this week?

Stef:

Yes, I'm free any night.

Lena:

Friday okay?

Stef:

Yeah sure

Lena:

See you then.

Stef:

See you then.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 325441_

 _New Post – She wrote to me_

 _I got a twelve-page letter today from El. My Mom found me crying in the middle of the hall way with the letter. She's blaming me for everything. The letter is basically a rant. It broke my heart to read it. I don't want to tell you all what the letter said but it made me out to be a terrible person._

 _I'm really low today and I didn't tell the 'new' woman in my life about it and now I feel guilty._

 _El hurt me and carries on doing so. I may have to get an order to stop her contacting me. she will be out of prison before I know it._

 _I'm still scared of her._

 _What if the 'new' woman in my life is like her. El wined and dined me before we moved In together and I'm so scared that this relationship will be the same._

 _I think I need to be open and honest with her. have a serious conversation. Confess my fears. But that is going to be easier said than ever done._


	13. Chapter 13

"You got a letter from her," Lena said as they walked along the beach. Not touching. Barely connected. Just two people walking along the beach, as the sun set at the end of a long day.

"Yes I did." Stef whispered. She didn't want to admit it. it was easier to write the blog. It was easier to express herself in written word.

"You could have told me,"

"Why?" Stef said stopping looking at Lena,

Lena cocked her head to one side. She knew that it was all about building blocks with Stef. She was hurting, and she just wanted to help.

"I want to be there for you, you are…were broken."

"you were right with are." Stef said, starting to walk again, "Sometimes it's easier to write it on the blog that to talk about it,"

"The only way you're going to help yourself is by talking, you know that right?" Lena said softly.

"I do get that, but you know how hard it is to deal with the fact that the person you thought you loved was a bully and beat you daily, that's all I've know for five years. These last few weeks, where I've been away from her, I'm still scare. My Mom simply touches my shoulder and I jump out of my skin. My life is a mess. I'm useless."

"You're not useless." Lena said. "you've been through a worst hell that anyone can even imagine. Domestic violence changes people. It's going to take time for you to come to terms with that has happened to you."

Stef didn't say anything she walked a little further before siting down on the sand. her knees under her chin as she looked out onto the ocean. She had come to find this her most calming place.

Lena sat herself beside her.

"I can't change what happened to me," Stef said slowly. "I can't turn back the clock and stop myself getting with El, I can't change any of it. no matter how much I would like too. I dream about it. my body and brain react even when people are just being caring. I went for a scan this morning tom make sure the bones that were broken were healing correctly and the nurse touched me and I tensed. It's like I can't be around other people." Stef said opening up for the first time.

"It will get easier with time."

"Everyone keeps saying that but I don't think that's true. My Mom, my own mother is scared to creep up on me, or touch me sometimes because I jump out of my skin. I'm scared. mentally and physically for life."

"It does get easier. I've meet people who have gone on to remarry, have kids. Have normal lives," Lena said honestly.

Stef looked at her, her eyes filled with tears.

"That seems a long away for me. I'm scared of my own shadow. I dream about her. I wake up screaming. I don't see that changing any time soon,"

"What are you most scared off?"

"Apart from El?" Stef said completely honestly.

"Yes, apart from El," Lena said, her body close to Stef's as they sat on the sand.

"That if I get close to you, if we end up together, if love finds me again that the moment I move in or get to close, you will become like her. you will try and control my life. you will…" Stef stopped she couldn't bring herself to say it. she didn't want to admit it. she couldn't.

"I would never and I mean this never hit you, beat you or even raise my hand to you. If we have an argument and if we do end up in a committed relationship, which I hope we do by the way, we will talk about things. Yes we may yell at each other but I wouldn't hurt you Stef. My God that's not what two people in love do. She didn't love you. She wanted to control you."

"And I let her," Stef said honestly. "I was young and I thought love was…well…I know now I didn't love her. she didn't move me either."

"I think at some point you did love each other but she was a bully. Love isn't about bullying the other person. Love is about being with someone who makes your heart sing. Stands with you and loves you no matter what."

"I really don't know what love is," Stef admitted. "I stayed because I didn't see a way out. I know that now. Looking back El wasn't the right person for me. she was never going to be. I didn't want her. I hated when she touched me. she never said sorry for her actions and it was always my fault. Whatever happened it was my fault."

"We are taking this one step at a time. I mean it Stef, I don't want to rush you. We're going at your pace. I don't want you to ever feel the way Ella made you feel." Lena said seriously.

Stef looked at her taking her in. she smiled.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. all I want you to do is keep being open and honest."

"I think I can managed that."

"That's all that really matters."

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 477985_

 _New Post – The Letter._

 _Today I spent some time with the 'new' woman in my life. she reads this blog and knew that El had written to me. after talking to her on the beach and explaining my feelings I've decided to share some of the letter. I want the women and men out there who are being emotional and/or physically abused out there to know that there is light and the person who is doing that too you isn't worthy of your love._

 _Dear Stefanie,_

 _I can't believe you've done this to me. YOU'VE sent me to jail. You've got me here. It's horrible and it's your fucking fault. You don't understand that what I did, I did out of love. you had to learn your place. Know that you belong to me. instead you crawled back to your mother and now look where we are. I'm in jail and you're doing whatever you want. You won't last five minutes in the outside world without me._

 _And no one is going to read your shitty lesbian cop romance novels. No one cares. Life isn't a fairy tale it's hard work. I worked hard to support us, all I asked was for dinner to be on the table and for you to be available to me when I wanted. You couldn't even do that. No wonder I had to beat you. You had to learn._

 _Readers, I don't post the rest. It goes into detail of some of the beating. I must tell you, she never abused me sexually. That was always consensual and near the end of our relationship she was getting it else were, so I didn't have to be involved with her. I just want everyone to know. Life will get better._

 _For me. I'm learning to be open and honest with someone who is very nice to me. maybe love will fine me. maybe not. But I need to be find me first. Define me first._

 _Get over the fear that my 'new' woman will be the same El._

 _One step at a time I think_

 _One step._


	14. Chapter 14

Stef walked around the car lot, looking at the cars. She needed her own car. she walked around looking at the cars, making mental notes of them all. She'd never really bought a car. All the cars she'd driven had either belonged to her mother or Ella. She found a Toyota SUV. She looked at it and looked at the price as a gentleman walked towards her.

"Hey ma'am how can I help you?"

"Yeah, what's your best price for the SUV."

"we would could do it, brand new for $26,999.99."

"$24,000.00?" Stef asked, knowing that he wasn't giving her the greatest price.

"$24,999.99." He said,

"For that I would want satnav." Stef said, smiling.

"Sure, I can throw that in and registration of the car." He said knowing that if he didn't do this he would lose the sale.

"Deal," Stef reached out and shook hands with the man before they went into building to sign everything. "How quickly can I have the car?"

"We can sort it right away and you can drive it away today. Maybe in a hour."

"If you can get it done that quickly I would be grateful."

"We just need to take payment."

"I've got a my debit card." Stef said taking it out and getting ready to make the payment, this was the first truly independent thing she had done. it felt amazing. She texted Lena.

Stef:

Hey, I've just done something amazing, well for me it was amazing.

Lena:

What have you done?

Stef:

I've bought myself a new car. A Toyota C-HR It's a SUV. In black.

Lena:

Sounds amazing, when you going to take me for a spin

Stef:

Well I'm just waiting for the paperwork to be over and them to put the plates on the car and then I can take it

Lena:

That fast?

Stef:

I've paid in full for it, they like to rush jobs when they have your money

Lena:

Very true. You must be excited.

Stef:

I'm more proud to be honest.

Lena:

Why?

Stef:

Because I did this. I've done it completely independent of anyone else.

Lena:

Does you Mom know you are buying a car?

Stef:

No, I was walking past and just stopped in. I just found a car I like.

Lena:

Sometimes that's a good thing. I'm very proud that you've been able to do that.

Stef:

I'm proud of myself. You being proud makes me happy

Lena:

I can't wait to see you

Stef:

I've missed seeing you.

Lena:

I've missed you too. You're making great steps forward

Stef:

I'm trying, can I see you Friday or are you busy?"

Lena:

I'm free, shall we do dinner?

Stef:

I'd love too,

Lena:

See you at six on Friday then

Stef:

Speak later

Lena:

Speak later enjoy the new car, be safe. Text me later.

Stef drove the car off the lot and the house, her mother was in the garden as she pulled ono the driveway behind her Mom's. Stef got out of the car.

"What is this?"

"I bought it." Stef smiled.

"I'm sure you just went for walk." Sharon laughed as she walked around the car, taking It in.

"I did, and I bought a car. got it insured and everything."

"I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you," Stef said grinning,

She was proud of herself. she couldn't get over the fact that she had done this. she'd done something this outrageous and she wasn't going to be hurt for doing do.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 677985_

 _New Post – New car, new me, maybe?_

 _Life is starting to move forward. I went for a walk today and bought a car. knowing that I wouldn't get beaten. My Mom loves it and wants me to drive her everywhere. I've told the new woman in my life. she's overjoyed that I've done something for myself. It's a strange feeling of pride._

 _I've never done anything like this. I've bought a car. paid in full._

 _El has sent another letter, but the prison stopped it. they called my Mom to tell her. she's being moved to another prison and wanted me to visit. She really thinks that's gonna happen. it's not. I'm finally moving forward. I can't let her bring me down._

 _For the first time since I was eighteen I'm excited for a date_

 _My new woman and I are going out this weekend and I'm excited. I've even bought a new shirt, vest and dress pants. I know I'm butch but I want to be comfortable._

 _I will let you all know how it goes._

 _The car by the way is awesome._


	15. Chapter 15

Sharon smiled as she watched her daughter come down the stairs, she was wearing a fitted shirt, vest and dress pants. The sleeves of her shirt were rolled up openly showing a number of scars o n her arms. She was wearing a new watch and a bracelet. Her hair was spiked up and she looked fresh faced for the first time in weeks. She was owning herself.

"And were are you going young lady?" Sharon said, trying to be the authoritative mother, putting her hands on to her hips.

"I've got a date tonight Mom," Stef said, smiling at her mother. Their relationship was starting to relax and Stef was starting to find herself again. She was becoming who she was supposed to be. The out going woman hat Sharon had thought her daughter would become.

"I hope it's with Lena,"

"Who else would it be with Mom, the rest of the world scares the crap out of me." Stef admitted as she did her hair.

"You remind me of the teenager that i got angry at." Sharon said.

Stef turned to her mother. Looking at her.

"I'm finding her Mom," Stef said slowly. "El destroyed her. but slowly I'm finding the Stefanie that walked out of her yelling at you, that I had a right to love whomever I wanted. I'm finding that outgoing person."

"Do you think dating will help?" Sharon asked honestly

"Lena and I have been friends for three-month Mom. I've been dealing with this for three months. I'm finally finding myself again. We've kissed."

"You have?" Sharon smiled.

"Yeah about a month ago on the beach. She's willing to go slow Mom, don't worry. I will tell you if anything is wrong." Stef admitted.

"Would you?"

Stef walked over to her Mom putting her hand onto her shoulder.

"Yes Mom, I would." Stef said slowly. "This time I would tell you,"

Sharon nodded at her daughter, looking into her emotional hazel eyes and knowing that she was right. she would tell her this time.

"I love you Stefanie."

"I love you too Mom." Stef hugged her Mom. Sharon rubbed her daughters back.

"You better get going and see you woman." Sharon said, smiling. as she opened the front door.

"Anyone would think you're trying to get rid of me."

"Never, I'm glad to have you back." Sharon admitted as she watched her daughter head towards the car, to go and pick up the new woman in her life.

Lena looked over the table at the local restaurant, at Stef who was smiling, nursing a glass of soda. Lena had a glass of wine as they awaiting their meals.

"You look very relaxed this evening." Lena said softly, she wanted to reach over the table and touch Stef's hand.

"I'm getting there slowly. four months ago today I escaped a relationship that could have left me dead. I'm making progress but it's slow."

"You're doing amazlngly."

"What makes you say that?" Stef smiled.

"You've got your shirt sleeves rolled up and you're not scared to show your scars." Lena said honestly.

"There are 100s of them. all over my body." Stef put her head down.

"I didn't mean to make you self-contours." Lena reached over brushing her fingers against Stef, Stef pulled her hand away without thinking. Nearly knocking her drink over but she caught it. Her body shaking a little. "Oh God Stef I'm sorry."

"Please don't be," Stef said, her voice was wavering slightly but she was taking deep breaths. "I'm fine."

They sat in silence for a moment while Stef found herself again. She looked at her arms. At the different sharp and sized scars all over her arms.

"Stef,"

"It's okay. I can't let her rule my life forever." Stef looked up into Lena's big brown eyes. "You know, I can tell you where each of these scars came from. There is a song by a band called Stone Sour called Made of Scars and sometimes that's how I feel."

"You listen to a lot of music?" Lena asked,

"Yeah, more so now I have the car, that's my space. I can sing and be as angry or as nice as I like. I've never really had to think about it. rock music helps."

"Some of it is very angry."

"It helps, but there is less angry music." Stef said slowly. smiling.

"If it helps, then that is fine."

"It does."

"Good," Lena smiled as their food arrived at the table and they both started to eat.

"I'm sorry that I scared you," Lena said slowly.

"It's fine really. It's going to happen." Stef admitted.

Lena slowly put her hand out and Stef reached over linking their fingers together. It felt so natural. Lena found herself gently rubbing Stef's knuckles as they both eat one handed.

"How is your dinner?" Lena asked slowly.

"Good, the steak is perfect," Stef said as she eat her salad. "How is yours?"

"Good, the chicken is a little dry,"

"Would you like more dressing?"

"That would be a good idea," She got the servers attention.

"Yes ma'am"

"Please can I have more salad dressing."

"Sure," He left the table.

Lena looked at Stef who was suddenly very interested in her dinner,

"Are you okay?" Lena asked,

"Yes I'm fine." Stef looked up and smiled, her hand still locked together. she couldn't get over the fact that this was happening. It had never felt like this with Ella this was different. Completely.

"Good,"

Stef finished her dinner pushing it to one side.

"Would you like dessert?" Lena asked,

"no I'm good," Stef smiled.

Lena finished her dinner as the server came over.

"Can I get you ladies anything else?"

"Just the bill please." Lena said smiling.

"Sure thing."

"Let me pay," Stef said.

"No, tonight is on me" Lena said slowly smiling.

"I'm not going to argue with you." Stef said, "But next time it's on me."

"There is going to be a next time?" Lena said raising her eyebrow.

"yes, and a time after that, and so on. I hope." Stef's voice was soft.

"I hope so too," Lena said, the server brought the bill and Lena paid before they headed back to her apartment. When they pulled into the visitor spot outside Lena looked at Stef. "Would you like to come in,"

"I'm not ready for that. That's too alone." Stef said honestly.

"I get that." Lena smiled. "Your pace remember,"

Stef smiled she reached over and put her hand onto Lena's face. she reached over and kissed her softly. their lips melting together. after a few moments Lena pulled away.

"Thank you for tonight," Stef said smiling.

"My pleasure. Same time next week."

"Yeah, why not?" Stef smiled.

Lena reached in stole one last kiss before she got out of the car and headed towards her apartment. She looked back and saw Stef watching her, making sure she got in. she waved before closing the door.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 785459_

 _New Post – fear of the dark._

 _I'm scared._

 _Not of my new woman. she's amazing._

 _I'm scared of my reaction to her._

 _Tonight she asked me to come into her apartment and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to be 'that' alone. I mean the moment that door closes behind us, everything will change. I mean I'm not saying that L is going to hurt me in anyway. But you know the moment that door closes my life could change forever again._

 _L is the new woman in my life, I mean I'm not going to put her name on her yet, if at all but she means a lot too me. we've kissed a few times but tonight when we kissed in my SUV. My life changed a little._

 _Her lips feel like silk against my own. I've never felt as alive as I do when I'm near her_

 _My life is changing._

 _I'm just not ready to be that alone yet._


	16. Chapter 16

_Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 897748_

 _New Post – My New Safe Space_

 _I've found it. I've found my new safe space. It's a large apartment. Two beds, one and a half baths. It's open plan, kitchen, living, dinning space. There is this amazing view out onto the water. I love the ocean._

 _When open the glass doors onto the balcony I can smell the ocean, feel the wind in my hair and it's lovely._

 _I've never felt this safe before. Even at moms. It was hard. that's where El had beaten me._

 _I've got so much stuff to buy. Mom has been a great help. She's making sure I've got everything I need. My desk and mac on in place._

 _I'm surrounded by new stuff. It was standing in the middle of my apartment this morning that I own nothing. I have books. That my Mom had kept but El made sure I had nothing. She owned everything._

 _I'm buying everything new. I'm lucky that my novels are still making money._

 _I'm safe. I feel safe._

 _The only big thing now is to let L into my personal space. To let her come into this world that I'm creating for myself. I want to let her in, it's six months._

 _I have to start letting her into my life. in my world_

 _And maybe into my private space._

Lena pressed the buzzer, she waited.

"Hello," It was Stef's voice, she smiled.

"Honey it's me,"

"Oh come up," Stef pressed the buzzer. "Second floor apartment 2D."

Stef paced the floor as she waited for the nock on the door. this was the first time she was letting anyone other than her mother and a few delivery guys. She was going to let someone personal into her space. She was scared.

There was a soft knock on the door and Stef took a deep breath. she opened the door and smiled at a very casually dressed Lena,

"Erm, come in." Stef stepped aside. Her whole body was shaking.

Lena walked in. noticing at once. She wanted to hold her. She put her bag onto the couch. she looked and saw that Stef was still looking at the door it was open. Stef's whole body was shaking. she walked back over to her, standing behind her she wrapped her arms around Stef's stomach and put her head onto her shoulder, pulling her body into hers.

Stef relaxed the moment Lena's arms were around her. she reached over and closed the apartment door. it softly closed and Stef gently rested against her.

"Hello," Lena said, softly, her lips near Stef's ear.

"Hi,"

"Nice place,"

"You've barely seen it." Stef said, her voice wavering.

"I don't have too," Lena said,

Stef turned in her arms and the first time in their relationship, they hugged. Stef wrapped her arms around her. holding her. Lena's fingers ran through the back of Stef's short hair. Their bodies close to each other. Stef closed her eyes and allowed herself to cry. She openly wept. All Lena could do was hold her. be there for her.

Stef pulled away

"I'm sorry," Stef said moving her tears away from her face.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about, this is a very personal moment for you."

"Erm." Stef took a deep breath "welcome to my new place," Stef said suddenly laughing.

Lena laughed.

"It's nice." Lena said, looking around.

"Can I get you a drink? I don't have much in,"

"Stef, honey," Lena said, reaching out and taking her hand as Stef went to go into the kitchen. Stef stopped dead. Here it came she thought. "Calm down whatever you have is fine."

Stef looked at her, Lena saw that scared look in her eyes and knew that her gripping her hand in that way had been the reason she had stopped suddenly. Lena walked over and simply gently kissed her lips, knowing she needed reassurance. Stef smiled and moved away feeling a little more relaxed.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 999999_

 _New Post – into my safe space._

 _I've finally allowed L into my safe space and my God I was hard. not because it was her. she's amazing. but because I felt so scared. but we relaxed sat on the balcony and watched the ocean. We held hands. Kissed a little, sat close. I'm starting to relax with her. but it's a very slow process. I can't wait to spend more time with her._


	17. Chapter 17

_Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 1,145,177_

 _New Post – 'you know'_

 _I've never enjoyed…erm…sex… I'm a bit of prude about it._

 _Sex with El was very difficult. She never forced herself onto me but once she started beating me I just wasn't into. We used to go through the lube like it was going out of fashion and by the end she hadn't touched me sexually for nearly three years._

 _I've never really been into sex. I'm not sure about it. it's very personal. You're in someone's personal space. You're got your hands, fingers and God knows what else all over the other person. All El wanted me to was make her, well, finish._

 _I've never finished._

 _Maybe this isn't the place to reveal all this but I'm starting to get sexual feelings towards L. I know she reads this and she will be able to see what's going on and now I'm scared to write her but I know I have too._

 _It's often easier to write down your feelings I think. I'm not ashamed that I'm attracted to L. I mean she's a very sexy woman. I just find it very odd that she's into me. I mean I look at my body, the scars, the fact I'm only just getting back into shape._

 _I've never touched myself…well in that way. I've never wanted to but recently I'm having feelings. I lay in bed or shower I will think about her and something happens inside me. it's strange. I've never felt like this before. I don't even know what to do. it scares me._

 _I'm not ready for these overwhelming feelings. I never had these feelings for El. I mean I don't know if I loved her or the idea of her. This is scary._

 _L kisses me and my world changes. I'm not sure what to do. how do I love her?_

 _How do I make love to her?_

 _How do I make her feel good?_

 _How do I get her to love me completely?_

 _These are questions that I seriously don't know the answers too._

 _My life has changed so much since I took that big step and ran from El. This is the longest I've not been beaten in five years._

 _I've got my own car, my own apartment. I've got a new book being published shortly._

 _I'm falling for a new woman._

 _L has changed my way of thinking. We talk every day, even if it's just a couple of texts. She has shown me nothing but kindness too me._

 _When she kisses me it makes me fly, I love the way she kisses me. we've talked for hours. We've watched movie but now I'm wanting more._

 _I'm scared of getting too close to her._

 _I'm scared that the moment we make love, she will change._

 _I know she's not El. I know that. In my heart and in my mind I know that but this fear is deeper. It's ingrained in me._

 _I have this deep fear that anyone I get close too will beat me, hurt me, make me worthless._

 _I can't go to that place again. I can't._

 _L is different. I know. She's kinda than anyone I've ever meet._

 _I've bought a couple of books on lesbian sex._

 _I feel I have to be ready for her. I want to pleasure her._

 _I've said too much._

 _I know I have._

COMMENTS

 _Lesbian Lover Girl_

Dear Better, you need to learn your own body before you even think about looking at L. she might not want you.

 _Dr. Lena E. Adams_

Lesbian lover girl, maybe you don't know what L wants. Better_Verison has had a horrible start and now she's learning to love but maybe you don't that.

 _Lesbian Lover Girl_

Dr. Adams I think you're confused. To give your lover the best sex you have to know your body. If she doesn't know her body how is she supposed to make love to her new girlfriend.

 _Dr Lena E. Adams._

As a lesbian I know the importance of knowing your own body, but sometime we all need a good teacher.

 _Lesbian Lover Girl_

I think she needs more than a teacher, after reading all her posts. I'm guessing she's scared of her shadow.

 _Dr. Lena E. Adams._

You would be too if you'd been beaten by the person you're supposed to love and love you. You would be too. To become a better person she's going to go through the motions.

 _Lesbian Lover Girl_

You are a joker Dr Adams. She needs a good shagging.

 _Dr. Lena E. Adams._

I don't think that is the answer.

 _Lesbian Lover Girl_

Yeah, yeah whatever.


	18. Chapter 18

Stef sat with her feet up on the balcony, the soft wind from the ocean hitting her face as she read her book. She was relaxed in a lose fitting t-shirt and baggy vans shorts. Her flip flops, on the floor beside her chair. Inside the apartment there was soft classic rock playing. She was enjoying the freedom of being able to do whatever she wanted to.

She heard the buzz on the apartment door. she got up and picked up the handset which also activated the video screen and she could see Lena.

"Hello,"

"Hey honey, are you free?"

"Sure come on up," Stef said smiling, She pressed the buzzer to let her in, she then went to the front door and opened the door, standing and waiting for Lena to come up. she waited and smiled when she saw her, letting her in with no problems. She closed the front door behind them.

"Hey, how are ya?" Stef asked as she walked into the kitchen and turned the tea maker on.

"I'm good, when did you get a tea maker?"

"Well I know you prefer it to coffee. I just thought…" Stef stopped.

Lena walked over to her and gently rubbed her arm.

"You're amazing," Lena said slowly. "You're so thoughtful."

"You've been spending such a lot of time here lately." Stef said, as she leant against the kitchen counter, she still had moments when she was scared. but right now, she was enjoying being close to Lena.

"I like being around you," Lena said simply, as she stood with her back to the island.

"I love being around you," Stef said dropping her head.

Lena smiled, she walked over to her, standing just outside of Stef's personal space. She reached out and gently lifted her chin. Looking into those hazel eyes.

"I love being around you. I only said like because I don't want to scare you." Lena whispered. "I read you blog."

"I know I saw your comments." Stef said her breathing catching her throat. She had been very nervous about posting that she was having sexual feelings for Lena. this was all new to her. and she didn't want to lose Lena.

"You could have just told me," Lena's voice was low.

Stef wasn't sure how to react. She just stood there, her arms at her side. She wanted to reach out and touch Lena. She wanted Lena to touch her. she'd never felt like this, Ella had made sure she didn't have those feelings.

"I didn't…didn't know how too." Stef said, her whole body was shaking.

Lena went to move but Stef stopped her, gently reaching out. her hand taking Lena's.

"What do you want?" Lena asked, her voice soft as she played with Stef's fingers.

"I…erm…want you." Stef whispered. Her voice shaking.

Lena finally stepped into Stef's personal space. Lena leant forward and captured Stef's lips. Kissing her passionately. Feeling Stef's hands on her face. The kiss deepened. This wasn't what Lena had been expecting but it was a nice change. She moved closer, wrapping her arms around Stef pulling her close. Their lips and bodies together.

Stef slowly pulled away, looking into the chocolate eyes of the woman she now knew she was in love with. She took a deep breath.

Lena smiled.

"Are you sure?" Lena asked, her fingers playing with the hem of Stef's baggy t-shirt.

"Yes," Stef took a deep breath. before stepping out of Lena's arms she smiled to herself. before she took her hand and lead her into the crisp large bedroom. Something in side her had changed. Something had clicked. Lena was the woman she now wanted to give herself too. The door left open Stef sat Lena onto the bed, she looked at her. just taking in the mocha skin, the perfect curly hair, the long neck, she was wearing a low cut top and Stef found her eyes drawn to the perfect small breasts.

Lena watched her for a moment before she got up, removed her top and revealed a colourful lace bra.

Stef's mouth watered. She looked at Lena's perfect breasts clad in only her bra, and her abs that perfect.

Lena decided that she may as well go the whole way. She unzipped her skirt, letting it dropped the floor, revealing matching underwear. She kicked the skirt away and removed her heels at the same time.

Stef didn't know what to do. all she could do was stare at the woman in front of her.

Lena walked forward and simply put her hands onto Stef's t-shirt hem

"May I?"

Stef nodded, she couldn't speak. She was scared. this was a massive moment for her.

Lena slowly removed her t-shirt and shorts, leaving Stef in a purple bar and white boy-shorts. Lena didn't care. She opened the bra and smiled as Stef's perfectly round breasts, her nipples were hard. Lena gently took her breasts into her hands, running her fingers over Stef's nipples making her groan. Lena could see from the look on Stef's face that this was all new. She moved forward and kissed Stef's neck, her chest. She wrapped her tongue around one of Stef's nipples and heard Stef holding a moan in. Lena moved back.

"First thing. you can be as loud as you like, I want to hear your pleasure Stef."

"I…erm…"

"talk to me Stef, we're nearly naked together," Lena said smiling her hands resting on Stef's naked hips.

"I was never allowed pleasure, with El, you know,"

"You're not with her now. You're with me. we're going to make love, this isn't sex. This isn't her getting off, this is about your and me, making love to each other. Maybe later it will be fucking but right now, Stef."

Stef smiled at Lena's words. Lena simply moved forward and kissed her again. Moving back to her nipples as she sucked and licked, Stef let out the cutest noises that Lena had ever heard.

Lena slowly moved them over to the bed. Stef fell back with Lena on top of her. she managed to wiggle out of her underwear. She was so wet. It scared her. but she had to let go. She had to let Lena in. she wanted this and she wanted Lena.

Lena looked down into Stef's eyes as she fully parted her legs and gently ran her fingers through her wet folds. Feeling how wet she was. she could feel Stef's body shaking as she slowly rubbed her clit. Stef's moans filled the room as Lena worked her clit, Lena could feel Stef's hips moving into time. their eyes locked together. Stef's hand gripping Lena's back.

"I…erm…" She stopped herself.

"What baby?"

"More," Stef managed

Lena simply smiled as she slipped two fingers into her now lover. Curling them gently finding that spot. When she did, Stef's eyes went large. Her moans increased, and her body was shaking. Lena become determined to make her cum. She wanted her to feel that joy off going over the edge. The palm of Lena's hand hit Stef's clit every time her fingers went into her lover. She watched the flush on Stef's pale skin. She could feel that Stef's body was reacting to her.

"Oh God, Lena," Stef threw her head back. Her body shaking as she finally came hard.

Lena smiled down at her. releasing she was completely in love with her.

Stef looked up at Lena and knew that this was how a relationship was supposed to be.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 1,644,787_

 _New Post – Love is in the air._

 _Not that I should be writing this right now but I can't help it. I'm lay in my sheets of my bed, with her. we are both completely naked. We've spent most of the day and evening making love and fucking. I've never felt so overwhelming good._

 _She's made my body weak but my mind is racing and I'm awake. She's beside me, lay on her stomach, one arm under a pillow her head to one side. She's sleeping. Her back is like silk. Her body is like silk._

 _I never want to let her go. I love her, I'm in love with her. I can't say it too her yet. I think it's too soon. I thought I was in love with El, but after making love to Lena I've found that I was never in love with El._

 _I'm scared, that things will change now. I know she will read this. I know she will find out but I think my feelings are plain for her to see._

 _We made love, we fucked, she's made me open in one evening. I never want to let her go. This is the first time she's stayed at the apartment. First time I'm lay next to her. I'm on my mac book and we're naked in bed. (that's a view for your all)_

 _I'm scared this won't work. That this relationship will end with me broken hearted._

 _I love her. she makes me feel good inside._

 _When I hear her voice I smile, when she's near me my heart beats fast, when she touches me my world is alive._

 _I'm not good enough for her. I'm not even nearly as good as I should be. I'm scared 99.9 per cent of the time._

 _She doesn't look at my scars and shy away. She kissed every one of them today._

 _I don't want to lose her._

 _I can't._

 _(L read this before I posted it. I don't want people to think I would post it without her permission.)_


	19. Chapter 19

Lena stood in the door way of Stef's large open plan kitchen. Watching her girlfriend walking around in shorts and a wife beater. Her short hair a messy. As she moved around putting the coffee and tea pots on and started to make pancakes for breakfast.

"Is there a reason you're watching Doctor Adams?" Stef said as she took out the OJ and made her a drink. With ice.

"I don't need a reason to watch you Stef, " Lena said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you love someone it's what you do?"

Stef dropped the glass on the floor, smashing it. as she looked at Lena, who stepped forward. Stef stepped back breaking things would have been beaten for.

"What?" Stef said her voice shaking.

"I'm not going to hurt you Stef," Lena said as looked around for a cloth to clean up the juice and found a pan and brush to clean up. she did as Stef had her back to he counter. Lena finished and looked at her.

"What did you say?"

"I love you," Lena said softly.

Stef felt the tears rolling down her face. she couldn't help it. she had never dreamt that hearing those words would make her feel so light and good inside. Her heart was racing but she was still scared. Lena had cleaned the glass away with no fuss, no yelling. She'd just done it. perhaps this was how normal people reacted to these situations. Unlike Ella who would completely lose her temper.

"I don't expect you to say it back." Lena said softly.

"I love you too," Stef said. Her voice was shaking but she had said it. "Sorry about the glass,"

"It was your glass honey," Lena smiled, checking the floor. She made sure there was no more glass, as she stepped into Stef's personal space, her hands on her hips.

"Oh yeah," Stef said, still nervous.

Lena could feel her shaking. she gently rested against her forehead against Stef's,

"I'm not going to hurt you," Lena said, "I'm not going to physical hurt you. We may have arguments, disagreements, but I will never physical hurt you. Accident's happen. the reason you dropped that glass is because I told you I love you, but please believe me," Lena said softly,

Stef put her arms around hers, hugging her. just needing to feel Lena's body close to her. she had never expected this.

"I'm sorry,"

"Hey you've been through hell, I'm not expecting you to change your reactions overnight."

Stef pulled away to ensure that the pancakes didn't burn.

Lena sat at the island and watched as Stef went back to make their breakfast.

Stef dished it up, and they sat together. Stef looked at her plate for a few moments before looking up.

"Ella would have beaten me for dropping the glass and making a mess, she always got so angry when I did something wrong. I remember early on, I broke a plate while washing it and she was so angry, she hit me so hard I banged my head against the kitchen counter. Knocking me out." Stef admitted.

"That's terrible," Lena said, knowing that Stef would have 100s of stories like this. she was slowly opening up too her.

"We…erm…went out, when we were first together. I was laughing with friends. She didn't like it. she took me home and beat me so badly I could barely move. She didn't like that I had friends. She didn't like that I was popular." Stef's hands were shaking. she put her fork down. she looked at Lena. "I should have left then. But I stayed."

"I'm sorry." Lena said, she reached over the table and took Stef's shaking hand. and gently rubbed the back of her hand. "You're free now."

"I don't feel very free." Stef admitted.

"I'll let you be as free as you want to be." Lena said softly.

"You're being too kind to me."

"Stef I meant it when I said l love you, last night, when we made love it felt amazing. I've never felt so alive. I've had girlfriends. I've had lovers. But whatever we have is amazing. I feel alive." Lena said honesty, making Stef smile.

"Thank you," Stef smiled. "I love you too,"

Lena smiled. she finished her breakfast and got up and slowly filled the dishwasher. Stef watched in amazement.

"Why do you have a look of shock on your face?" Lena said as she took Stef's now empty plate.

"Ella never did the dishes, or anything for that matter."

"Well, we're a couple. A team. you cooked, I've done, I've put the dishwasher on." Lena said smiling.

"I've never thought of it like that." Stef said softly. she looked at Lena.

Lena walked over to Stef and reached under her chin and gently kissed her.

"Want to come back to bed honey?" Lena asked,

"Yes." Stef whispered as Lena took her hand leading her back to the bedroom.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 1,974,147_

 _New Post – a different kind of love._

 _I've fallen in love with L. I mean head over heels in love. I can't stop thinking about her. I find myself sat at my desk day dreaming about her. The way she kisses me, the way her long fingers gently pull my hair and stitches my back as we made love._

 _She's caring. She held me when I cried. We've made meals together. We've cleaned the kitchen together. We've lay on the sofa, watching silly movies._

 _I don't want to let her go. I want her with me all the time. waking up beside her, holding her close. Today I woke alone for the first time, the bed was cold where she had slept and it smelt of her._

 _I was never like this with El._

 _She never made me feel this good._

 _L is kind and thoughtful. She's made sure that I'm okay with everything. She makes me laugh. She's everything to me. I don't want to let her go._

 _What if this is all a dream?_

 _What if this all goes wrong?_

 _I don't think I can cope without her. i want to ask her to move in but I don't think she will. It's too soon. I know we've been 'dating' for six months. We've only just slept together. it so perfect._

 _I don't know how to ask her._

 _What if she moves in and the same thing that happened with El happens with L. she was with me two weeks in our house before she started to beat._

 _I dropped a glass the other day and L was so kind and caring._

 _I was so scared. but she just cleaned it up and held me._

 _We talked about it. I'm starting to share more with her. I'm hoping that this isn't going to backfire with me._

 _I love her too much for that._


	20. Chapter 20

_Letter_

 _Dear Stefanie._

 _You seems to have forgotten who I am. Remember me. I'm your girlfriend. We've never broken up. you just got me arrested, thrown into Jail and now I'm rotting._

 _You're supposed to visit me, support me, no but from what I hear, on the grape vine. You're in a relationship. YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME._

 _With some bi-racial woman, I don't know what is wrong with you. How dare you cheat on me?_

 _We were together a long time. you're mine Stefanie. I don't understand why you're not getting this. I've never thought you would do this too me._

 _You're mine._

 _She's the doctor from my trial isn't she? She's that bitch. She interviewed me for hours. Wanting to get inside my head. she has no right to get inside there. that's my space but to get into bed with my woman, my God, that's insulting._

 _I go inside and the doctor who was paid to make me open up gets into bed with MY woman. she's a joke. I'm reporting her._

 _She could lose her job for getting into bed with you. And I hope she does._

 _You're mine._

 _I don't think you understand what you've done to me._

 _I'm in this hell hole. Doing my time because of you._

 _It's your fault that I'm here._

 _I'm coming for you Stefanie. As soon as they let me out. I'M COMING FOR YOU._

 _Yours_

 _Ella,_

She looked at the letter her body shaking. she pushed it into the middle of the kitchen island. She didn't want to. She couldn't believe the jail had let it get out. she was scared. Her mind was racing. Lena walked into the kitchen ready for work.

"What's the matter Honey?" Lena asked,

"Can you be fired for me being with me?" Stef asked.

"No baby, we got together after the trial." Lena said softly. rubbing Stef's shoulder. "What has brought this on?"

"That," Stef pointed to the letter and Lena picked it up, looking at it. she read the letter shaking her head."

"When did this arrive?" Lena asked,

"Today with all the mail. I didn't think they were letting this stuff out of the prison. They are supposed to read her mail," Stef said, wanting to cry.

"I will phone the lawyer and have a word. I'll take this with me to the university. I'll be back about six." Lena said. Softly.

"You're coming back tonight?" Stef asked, they weren't living together but Lena was spending more and more time at Stef's apartment.

"Yes, if that's okay? I'll need to go to my apartment to get some more things."

"I would love you to be here. you know that." Stef said, looking at her. "Is this going to course you trouble?"

"No," Lena kissed her cheek, "Never. I know this is easier said than done but you have to not let her get to you. I will be back later."

"Thank you," Stef smiled as Lena went to leave. "Lena…" Lena turned to look at Stef. "I love you,"

Lena smiled, before walking back and kissing her.

"I love you too, so much." Lena said.

Stef watched her leave. She took a deep breath not sure what to do with herself. she went to her desk. Opening her mac book, she opened her emails and started her day. The phone rang. Stef picked it up,

"Hello," She said,

"Missed me." Ella's voice came down

"How…how…did you get my number?" Stef's voice was shaking.

"I know people. You've got yourself an apartment, and a lover."

"You're not my girlfriend anymore." Stef said.

"I will always be in your life. you don't get it do you bitch. You're mine."

"No. No, No." Stef slammed the phone down. she was shaking. she picked the phone back up and dialled 911, she wasn't going to stand for this. she explained to the operator what was happening as she texted Lena. she was scared and she didn't want to be alone. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. this wasn't what she expected.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 2,779,233_

 _New Post – She found me,_

 _I never been so scared of the phone ringing. El found my number or was given it. L came back home right away and I cried. We've employed a lawyer. I don't want her to be able to contact to me. or come near me._

 _I hate that she makes me feel this way. She hates me. she doesn't want me to be happy._

 _I'm clinging to L._

 _I need to tell you what happened._

 _El called me on my home phone. I'm not sure how? But she called me. I need to escape her._

 _I'm holding on L. she's been amazing this evening dealing with me._

 _The police have gone to the prison. I don't think she will listen. But it starts here. I don't want her in life anymore. I want her gone. I want my new life with L. but I'm scared. so scared._


	21. Chapter 21

Stef sat on the balcony, it become her calm space. She sat in her chair facing out to the ocean. Her feet resting on the bar near the glass, her book balanced on her lap. A glass of ice cold juice in her hand as her glasses balanced on the end of her nose. She was lost in her book.

Lena sat at the kitchen island, papers in front of her that she was marking for her second-year students. She looked up and looked at Stef, for the first time in a few days Stef was calm. It had been so hard for her. She'd not known what to do. Stef had had moments where she'd melt completely. Lena had taken to holding her, trying to make sure she was calm.

Lena marked a couple more papers, before she got up and joined Stef, bring her glass of water with her. she sat on the other chair, pulling on her sunglasses.  
Stef absently reached out and for the first time linked her fingers to Lena. Lena looked down at their entwined fingers.

"Thank you," Stef almost whispered.

"Why are you thanking me?" Lena asked as Stef put her drink down removed her glasses and put them and her book to one side.

"It sounds silly but just for being here with me." Stef said, her voice was soft.

Lena looked at her lover.

"I know it's been hard the last few days. Since you go that letter and phone call but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I've seen your nightmares, I've seen your fears and I love you for and with them not in spite of them."

"You always know what to say," Stef smiled.

Lena grinned at her.

"Not always." Lena admitted. She ran her thumb over the back of Stef's hand.

She had noticed that Stef craved the little interactions. The touches, the small kisses. She enjoyed physical affection as she hadn't had that with Ella.

Stef turned and looked out at the ocean. The one thing she had fallen in love with about this apartment was the view. it calmed her.

Lena watched her for a few moments.

"Would you like to go out for dinner?" Lena asked.

"Erm, what?"

"You know dress up, going to a nice restaurant, eat to much food. Come home, and chill out." Lena said.

"I'd…erm…" Stef stumbled over her words. Ella never let her out she would go out with her friends.

"Baby it's a date, we go out. enjoy a meal. Have fun." Lena said, turning her body

"Okay, I would like that."

"Let me call my favourite place. I want to treat you," Lena smiled getting up. she went to get her cell.

Stef watched her. she smiled. she'd forgotten that she was in a loving relationship. She wanted to enjoy this. she could hear Lena on the phone booking them a table. She got up and smiled. Lena seemed happy,

Lena pulled the car to the curb outside a lovely restaurant. Stef looked around as a man came to park the car for them. they got out and Stef walked around the car and stood looking at the posh restaurant she felt under dressed. She was wearing jean, a red, white and blue plaid shirt and a blazer.

She looked up as Lena came and took her hand. Lena looked stunning in her dress and heels. Lena could wear anything. She looked stunning.

"I think I'm underdressed." Stef whispered. If this had happened in the past she wouldn't have been aloud out or even would have been beaten.

"You're fine my love." Lena said softly.

They walked into the restaurant and a young man looked at them.

"Good Evening, do you have a reservation?" he asked, looking at them.

"We do, table for two at 6.30 under the name of Lena Adams."

The young man checked his iPad and smiled. he picked up two menu's.

"This way please,"

They followed him into the restaurant, they head outside, to a private table in the corner. They both sat down and he gave them their menu's.

"Can I get you any drinks?"

"Erm." Stef looked confused she'd never been here before. She looked confused.

"Can we have a minute please," Lena said slowly.

"Sure, your special menus are there." he said, before leaving them.

Stef looked at Lena.

"You're really not used to this are you?" Lena asked slowly.

"No," Stef said honestly. She removed her jacket putting it onto the back off of the seat.

"Here is the drinks menu," Lena passed it too her.

Stef looked at it, flipping through it. she hadn't really drank a lot. Ella wouldn't buy wine for home. As she was reading with her glasses on, the waiter returned with a jug of iced water. Lena poured them both a glass. Before leaving again.

"Do you see anything?"

"I'm not sure," Stef said honestly. This was all still new to her.

Lena smiled.

"We can get a bottle of house white, if you don't want to drink it you can order a soda or something." Lena offered.

Stef smiled. She couldn't believe how patient and how good Lena was with her. She never wanted to let her go.

"That would be great. Thank you,"

"It's a pleasure have a look at the menu." Lena smiled as the waiter came back. Lena ordered their drinks and a mix starter, for Stef to have many tasters.

Stef choose her dinner and Lena hers. Their starters arrived, and they had tasters of most stuff on the starter menu. They eat together, with Lena explained what most of the food was. Stef loved it. the whole dinner she enjoyed. She drank wine. Eat too much food and laughed and joked with Lena, forgetting about the world and Ella.

Stef lay on the sofa. her arm over her eyes. Lena looked at her as she brought her a bottle of water

"How was your evening baby?" Lena asked sitting on the wooden floor next to Stef.

"I've really enjoyed myself." Stef said, she moved her arm and Lena saw tears in her arms.

"Honey? What is it?" Lena asked, sitting on her knee.

"I'm just emotional." Stef admitted as tears ran down her face.

"Why baby?" Lena asked, running her fingers through Stef's short hair. "Talk to me."

"You treat me so well. She walked all over me. she made me so small. She controlled so much of my life. I never thought I'd be with someone who would be so good to me. tonight you took tie to show me different foods, wine, and you didn't rush me. When I asked questions you didn't get angry with me. you simply answered the question." Stef took a deep breath, looking at her woman. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Lena said reaching over and taking Stef into her arms, holding her close. Lena knew that Stef was still learning to be in a normal relationship. She held her for a long time, while Stef cried. She needed the emotional release.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3,001,144_

 _New Post: Feeling emotional_

 _First, when I was emotional when I was El I would lock myself in the bathroom. It was the one room in our apartment that had a lock on the door and it was a safe space for me. she broke the lock but I could see get it to work._

 _Tonight I had an emotional moment in my living room and L was here._

 _She took me out for a meal. Something El would never have done. she let me taste so much food and I've even had wine for the first time in years. We laughed and joked. She made me fee loved and safe._

 _When we got back to my apartment. I lay on my sofa and for some reason started crying._

 _Now if this had happened around El she would have kicked and punched and variably abused me._

 _That's NOT what happened here._

 _L sat on the floor, which is wooden and must have hurt her but she spoke to me and held me. she let me have my emotional break down and I felt safe to be there._

 _L gave me as much time as possible. she held me._

 _Right now she's sleeping beside me._

 _Her hand resting on my leg as she sleeps._

 _I am starting to enjoy her physical affection. It's so different to the physical abuse I've been used too._

 _I'm so in love but at the same time. I'm scared of messing things up. I don't want to lose her._


	22. Chapter 22

Stef picked up the mail from her private mail box and flicked through seeing bills and a letter from her publisher. She went back to the apartment, kicking off her flip flops. She was so used to being bare foot that it was habit now. She put the bills to one side. Before opening the letter from her publisher. Picking up her glasses as she walked past the kitchen island. Lena looked up and watching her closely.

Stef read the letter and Lena watched as a slow smiled formed on her lips.

"I'm guessing from look on your face baby that, that letter is good news?"

"I'm number one in the best selling list in four countries." Stef said, her voice showing her disbelief. She'd been writing for years but Ella had always stopped her publishing on time. Now she was publishing and her books were also on amazon and a number of other websites she'd had got a following.

"That's amazing news," Lena said getting up from her marking and kissed Stef.

Stef looked at her shocked.

"Erm. I know you barely go home but would you move in here?"

"Sorry what?" Lena said smiling, she wanted to make sure she had heard Stef correctly and she wasn't saying it within the moment.

"Look, you're only going home at the moment to get more clothes. Wouldn't it be easier to move in."

"I would love to move in with you," Lena smiled.

Stef did something she had never done before she almost jumped into Lena's arms. Her legs wrapping around Lena's thin waist as they kissed.

Stef pulled away and put her feet back on the floor.

"Sorry," Stef said,

Lena grinned.

"Never be sorry for that, my goodness Stef, six months ago you wouldn't have come near me. Look at you now. You're asking me to move in with you." Lena grinned.

Stef looked at her.

"I want you to know I trust you," Stef said softly. Lena smiled.

"Thank you, that means more to me than you will ever know." Lena said slowly.

Stef smiled.

"We need to celebrate." Stef said, it was often she got this excited.

"What are we celebrating honey?" Lena asked, as she watched Stef take her glasses off.

"You moving in and me being an official London Best Selling author."

"One of the countries was the UK?"

"Yes," Stef grinned, doing a little dance.

Lena laughed.

"That's massive."

"There is something else?" Stef said.

"What baby?"

"I'm also a New York Times best seller."

"I'm so proud of you," Lena grinned. "That is more reason to celebrate than ever. What would you like to do?"

"I'm not sure. I just need to call my Mom, I will think." Stef said,

Lena smiled at watched as Stef went into her study, picking up her cell phone she called her Mom, putting her on loud speaker as she sat at her desk.

"Hello,"

"Hi Mom,"

"Hey baby doll, how are you?"

"Mom I'm officially a best selling author, I'm number one in the New York Best Sellers list and the London one."

"Oh I'm so proud of you baby girl, that's amazing."

"Thank you Mom, erm. There is something else." Stef said going serious.

"What is it? you and Lena are still together."

"We are, Mom I've asked her to move in with me."

"That scares you?"

"Deep inside yes Mom," Stef admitted. "When I moved in with Ella, everything changed,"

"Do you trust Lena?" Sharon asked.

"Yes," Stef said without hesitation.

"Are you already co habiting?"

"Yes, she only goes home to get stuff,"

"And she's never hurt you, she's never physical abused you?"

"No Mom she hasn't." Stef said.

"You have to trust her, and trust yourself. Lena is not Ella. You love Lena. Ella ruined your life for so long, don't let her keep doing so. Lena loves you. Lena wants to be with you. Just take each day at the time. okay?"

"Yes, thank you Mom,"

"I'm always here."

"I love you Mom,"

"I love you too, now go and celebrate with your girlfriend and enjoy life Stefanie because that's what a twenty five years old is supposed to do."

Stef laughed.

"Bye Mom," Stef said softly as the line went dead.

She took a deep breath, this was perfect. life was starting to fall into place. She had to keep moving forward and never look back.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3,147,114_

 _New Post: Our First Big Step._

 _Today was a massive day for us, L and I are officially moved in together._

 _Someone of you won't know what a massive step this is. When I moved into Ella's apartment my life become hell. Within hours of moving in with her she had hit me for the first time._

 _I have to say L has been here for nearly twelve hours as my partner, and she's not physical attacked me or abused me in anyway._

 _All we have done is unpack boxes, built her desk in my study which is now our study and eaten a little too much Mexican take out. I believe this is normal life._

 _I never knew love could feel good and not full of hurt._

 _I've laughed today so much, we've worked together and alone. I think life is finally moving forward. This is the woman I want to spend the reason of my life with. I've told her that tonight._

 _She loves me. I know that. I feel that._

 _L has changed my life._

 _This is our first big step of many._

 _She's my domestic partner now._

 _What scares me now?_

 _Our first vacation, El and I went to a motel once, but she beat me and we came home early._

 _Our first Thanksgiving, I'm not sure. El beat me because I couldn't make dinner right._

 _Our first holidays season today, El and I had terrible ones. She was worse at these times I can't write it now. But we may get into later._

 _Our First New Year together, drunk El was the worst._

 _We have so much to do, but I'm trying to be positive._

 _L makes my life so much better. I need her. I love her. I am in love with her._


	23. Chapter 23

"I can't believe you've moved in together and we've still not meet her," Jenna said as she sipped her coffee, as Jenna, Kelly, Hope, Kim and Lena sat around.

Lena looked at her friends.

"She's not ready yet,"

"How can she not be ready? I mean you've been together for what, six months now?" Hope said, sitting back, as she ran her hand along Kim's leg.

"It's hard to explain?" Lena said,

Looking at her something in Kelly's mind clicks

"She's been abused," It was a statement not a question.

Lena looked at her hands. Before looking up.

"Yes, she has,"

"I've been reading a blog," Kelly said. "I saw you comments on but you're L on Better Version's blog,"

"Yes," Lena said, her voice low. She didn't feel right talking about this without Stef being here. All her friends had worked out who she was.

"My God, that woman has been through hell." Kelly said. "I've been reading her blog for months."

"Stef…well…" Lena really didn't know what to say, her woman had been through hell. Her life had changed completely. "She's remarkable."

"You're so in love with her aren't you?" Kim said, reaching over and taking her friends hand. just to show some physical support.

"I am. She's different," Lena said softly.

"I don't think I've ever seen you like this," Kim said softly.

"I've not, I would do anything for her. I've barely been at my apartment since she moved in which was why she asked me to move in I think. She was used to be being around." Lena said, as she picked up her tea, playing with the tea bag string.

"Stef loves you back?" Kelly asked,

"She does. She's opened up more to me. I know she has moments. She calls her Mom when she needs reassurance. Ella had cut her mother off completely." Lena said honestly.

"Ella sounds like a right bitch." Jenna said.

Lena rolled her eyes. she hated cursing.

"She is, she thinks Stef is cheating on her with me."

"Wow,"

"Yeah well, I've told you all too much." Lena said.

"When will we meet her" Jenna asked slowly.

"When she's ready and not before." Lena said. "We are going at Stef pace, not the worlds pace."

"There is Dr Adams coming out," Kelly laughed softly.

The group knew that Lena was finished with the topic of conversation. Within a couple of minutes they were laughing and joking about a night out from years ago.

Lena walked into the apartment and could hear the soft rock music playing from the study, she dropped her bag, removed her heels, a habit she was getting into because of Stef's habit. She walked to the study and smiled at Stef, who had her back to the door, facing out to ocean, working hard. she'd got into the rhythm. Lena decided to leave her too it. she didn't want to disturb her.

She got her bag and sat at the island, getting out her marking. She opened the fridge, taking out a bottle of red wine. She opened it. pouring herself a glass. She sat down and got on with her marking.

It was an hour later when Stef came into the kitchen. She looked shocked to see Lena sat at the island, marking her essays.

"Babe, When did you get home?" Stef asked as she took a glass out and did another first which was pour herself a glass of wine.

"About an hour ago, you looked deep into whatever you were doing so I left you too it."

"You do know we share the study?" Stef said sitting on the other side of the island and looking at her partner.

"I do, but sometimes you need to just get on with whatever you're writing. I know you have to write so many words a day. I can mark in here, I have been doing for months." Lena said taking a sip of her wine.

"I don't want to be pushing out of the study," Stef said honestly.

"It's fine, really honey."

"Okay," Stef said. Softly. she didn't want to fight. Fights led to beatings in the past. "Erm. How was coffee with your friends?"

"Kelly reads you blog," Lena said without thinking.

"What?" Stef looked shocked. she knew people read the blog but she didn't want people that close to Lena to read it. They would know her life.

"We were talking about why they hadn't meet you. They guessed and then Kelly said she'd been reading and saw my comments and put two and two together and found out that you must be better version."

"They all know my past. They've never meet me and they know me." Stef said, she got up leaving her wine untouched.

"They aren't judging you." Lena said softly, getting up and walking around the island. She reached out to touch Stef but Stef tensed and moved away. Her body was shaking.

"Of course, they are judging me. I'm just one your abuse cases. They are going to see me as a charity case. I'm not. I'm not."

"Stef please." Lena moved too quickly forward, and Stef ran, curling into a ball. She was hiding her face. trying to make sure if the blows did come they wouldn't hurt her face. she was shaking and waiting for the beating.

Lena looked at her shocked. she'd never seen Stef this scared before. She was in the corner to the room. in a position that Lena never wanted to see her. she looked so scared. her body was shaking. Lena walked over and gently reached out, her moved Stef's hair out of her face. gently making her feel safer.

"I'm never going to hurt you." Lena said softly.

"Please, don't hurt me, please." Stef cried softly.

"I won't honey, I'm not her. I'm sorry."

There was silence. It filled the apartment. Stef slowly relaxed. sitting up. looking at Lena who was now sat cross legged looking at her. waiting for Stef to calm down. Stef looked at herself. seeing her shaky hands. The scars on her arms. She then looked up and looked at Lena. looked at the woman who hadn't touched her. had raised her hand to her.

"I'm…sorry," Stef said softly.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," Lena said, moving forward, shuffling on her bottom. Stef moved. Slowly. she sat onto Lena's lap and held her.

"I panicked." Stef said.

"It's fine, honestly," Lena wrapped her arms around Stef holding her close.

"I can't believe you friend has been reading the blog."

"Honey they are not judging you. They are sorry for you. But they are ready to meet you."

"I'm not ready yet." Stef said, her head resting on Lena's shoulder.

"I know baby, as I keep saying we have to do everything at your pace and seeing you today has made me release that more." Lena said, slowly running her fingers through Stef's hair.

They just sat there for a few moments.

"You need to eat." Lena said softly.

"I do, so do you?"

"Come on we will make dinner together."

"You're marking?"

"Can wait." Lena said, softly. Stef simply nodded before getting up, and heading into the large open plan kitchen.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3,457,614_

 _New Post: One step forward, two steps back._

 _Today was not a great day. Well writing wise it was. I've done really well. But emotionally not so great._

 _L and I were having a chat. She moved towards me too quickly and I ended up in the corner of my living room in a ball crying and waiting to be hit._

 _I was expecting to be beaten._

 _That's not what happened. L simply sat with me, waited for me to calm down. she held me. we talked._

 _We made dinner together, eat together, did the dishes together, we then had a bath and went to bed._

 _She's reading beside me. every so often. She reached over, touches my shoulder, my arm, my leg, kisses my hand. little bits of physical affection that I'm enjoying. I've never had this before. She makes sure I know she loves me._

 _El has left more than physical scars on me. talking about what happened today, L was caring and loving yet I still seem to expect her to snap and hit me. I can't get those thoughts out of my mind. L things it's time I actually spoke a professional about it._

 _I need to find someone, please leave comments if you know someone. But I need to be able to trust the person. It's going to be hard._

 _I may take L with me, so professionals that allows me to take my new partner with me._

 _I can't do this alone. I know that. But today scared me. a woman who has never hurt me, never raised her hand to me and I was scared._

 _I have to learn to move forward._


	24. Chapter 24

Stef found herself tapping her fingers against her leg, Lena was sat beside her. reading something on her phone as Stef looked around the reception area for Dr. Steve Jackson. A man that had come recommended by a number of users and by Lena herself. He was expert in domestic violence cases. Stef was scared. she didn't know if she would be able to open up completely. she was hoping this would help. She didn't want to feel like she going to break her and Lena up because of how she reacts when Lena does certain things.

"Stefanie Foster?" Jackson, a tail dark haired man with a facial hair. he was wearing a shirt and jeans and looked relaxed, asked.

Stef slowly got up, her whole body shaking. Lena got up, taking her hand and slipping her phone in her purse as she picked it up.

"Please come in," He said. They followed him into the room. Stef sat onto the sofa with Lena beside her.

Stef looked around the room, taking in the room. it was light and airy. Jackson picked up his notes and sat into a chair putting his note book into his knee has he crossed his legs.

Lena simply reached over and placed her hand into Stef's leg. Trying to keep her as calm as possible.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Steve Jackson. I'm here to help you, but you may get emotional, even angry, but I am here just to help you."

"Thank you," Stef said softly.

"May I ask you a few questions?" Jackson asked.

"Sure,"

"And before we start you're sure that you would like Dr. Adams with us?" Jackson asked.

"Yes I do." Stef said, looking at Lena, who smiled at her before she looked back at Jackson.

"Good, How old were you when you knew you were gay?" Jackson asked.

Stef thought for a moment.

"I knew from an early age I think, but my dad was deeply religious. I didn't want to upset him. He died when I was fourteen." Stef said, she found herself rubbing Lena's hand, Lena was there as her comfort blanket.

"How did your father die?" Jackson asked.

"He was a police officer. He was shot on duty by a drug dealer." Stef said slowly.

"I'm sorry," Jackson said

"Thank you,"

"You came out after his death?"

"Yes, I was fifteen and being a wild child. I'd lost it." Stef said.

"When did you meet Ella?" Jackson asked. He knew some facts that's to an email exchange.

"I was nineteen. We meet in a club. She was older than me, nice to me. I shouldn't even have been in club. I was being rebellious."

"Did you date?"

"we did," Stef took a moment. "She was kind to me. never physical affection but she said the right things. before we'd been together a month I moved into her house."

"From moving in, how long was it before she started hitting you?"

"She hit me for the first time nearly a day after I'd moved in. I hadn't put the dishes in the dishwasher correctly."

"Why didn't you leave?" Jackson asked slowly.

Stef took a deep breath.

"Because she was sorry after she hit me. she made sure I was fine. She tried to make sure I was fine and I believed her."

"What made you stay so long?"

"Fear," Stef said softly, as tears rolled down her cheeks. She was scared now. Her hand moved away from Lena's. Her body was shaking.

"May I ask, what's the worse beating she gave you?"

Stef thought for a moment.

"Just before my twenty first birthday, she got angry because Mom had sent a card. I wasn't allowed to talk to her. she beat me, breaking my hand. she cut me. she'd never done that before. It become common but I remember laying on the bathroom floor, my head was split open. my hand hurt, my body hurt. She was so angry. Every time I cried out she would hit me harder. I learnt to be silent." Stef said. "I would always say sorry,"

"You know that it wasn't your fault." Jackson said slowly.

"I know, I wanted to make her stop."

"Did she ever sexually assault you?"

"No," Stef said, at once. "Ella stopped sleeping with me just after my 20th birthday."

"What was she doing for sex?"

"Other women." Stef said. "I've only been with her and Lena."

"What made you leave?"

"I don't know, to be honest. I was in the shower, she'd cut me again. I was bleeding and I knew that if I didn't get out soon she would kill me. I had to leave. I packed a small bag, leaving everything else and kept walking. I ended up in Mission Bay, I called Mom on the off chance and she came."

"Did you Mom taking you in stop you going back?" Jackson asked slowly.

"Yes, if she had rejected me where else was I supposed to go." Stef said, a little angry.

"Did you expect your Mom to take you in?"

"No," Stef said honestly. Lena looked at her, reaching out she took her hand. linking their fingers together. just listening and being there for her girlfriend. "Ella she'd erm…"

"She had what?" Jackson asked as Stef stumbled.

"She'd made me think that my family didn't want me. She made me feel worthless." She said the word worthless quietly.

"You're not worthless," Lena said softly.

Stef looked at her.

"I think in my heart I know that. In my head it's different."

"We are going to stop there today, Stef will you see me again?"

"I would like to," Stef admitted, "As long as Lena can come too,"

"She's you're safety net. I am not taking that away from you Stef, in four days, come back. Please."

"We will," Stef said, getting up. she felt emotional drained and Lena could see it.

"How about a burger from Viv's?" Lena asked as they walked towards the car after making another appointment.

"That would be great," Stef said.

"I know this is hard for you Stef, but I'm here."

"I know and I'm grateful. You will never know how much. I love you." Stef said, looking at Lena.

"I love you too, so much."

They got into the car heading to Viv's.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3,677,778_

 _New Post: Emotionally drained._

 _Today was hard. L and I have been to see a professional._

 _I chose a man._

 _Some of you may think this is odd, but I don't want to talk to a woman about this. it was a woman who was beating me, hurting me. I wanted to speak to a man._

 _One of the conditions was having L with me._

 _He referred to her as my safety blanket and he is right, she is. It's hard to talk to people about what El did to me._

 _I've opened up about more than I expected. But now at home, in my study alone, my head and heart hurts._

 _I'm not perfect. i know that. I have the scars. Mentally and physically._

 _We talked about a few cases of when El beat me._

 _I can tell you where every scar on my body came from. One day I may tell everyone._

 _Right now I think I need to go to bed. Hold my girlfriend and enjoy the good things in life because tonight I won't sleep well. The nightmares will come._

 _Sometimes when I close my eyes she's there, and I'm back in that apartment, which was really my prison._

 _I'm not sure I can do this!_


	25. Chapter 25

Stef looked at herself in the mirror of the large en suite bathroom. Taking in her hair, that was now short and she loved it. she looked at her neck. A number of scars on her neck. Her body was covered in them. she removed her robe and got into the warm shower that had been running for a few moments. She put her head back letting the water run over her body. What a difference six months made. She wasn't thinking about getting out of this shower and running. She knew she was safe. Her started to wash herself. Letting the water fall over her body. she looked at the scars on her stomach, on her legs. She felt an emotion, that she rarely felt towards Ella she felt anger. She wanted to scream. Out of their relationship she had come out of it the worst. Her body was marked for life. her mind was marked. Ella had got away with it.

"Honey are you okay?" Lena's voice flouted in from the other side of the door. Stef switched off the shower.

"I'm okay love," Stef said unlocking the door, allowing Lena into the room. Lena walked in and watched as Stef wrapped herself in a large purple towel. Lena noticed the light lines on her back. She walked over to her. she gently kissed the longest scar on her right shoulder. Running her lips along it.

Stef stopped.

"A wire hanger,"

"What?"

"The scar you've just kissed. she did it with a wire hanger." Stef said closing her eyes.

Lena wrapped her arms around her pulling her towards her. resting her hands against her flat stomach. Her head on her shoulder. She kissed Stef behind her ear.

"I really wish I could take those painful memories. But I know I can't. All I can do now is give you amazing memories." Lena said softly.

"You've already started doing that."

"Good, because I love you,"

"I love you too." Stef said as she ran her hand along Lena's her body was relaxing. Something she had never done with Ella.

"You're very relaxed this evening."

"I think talking about what she did too me, what happened to me is helping. Having you in my life…" Stef stopped for a moment. her body was shaking but Lena knew she wanted to carry on talking. "having you, makes me feels complete. She never loved me the way you do. I feel your love surrounding me."

"Everything we do we will do at your pace. I'm never going to rush you. I know that a loving relationship is completely new for you. But I'm not going to push you." Lena said.

Stef smiled before turning gently in her lovers arms and she put her arms around her and kissed her.

"I'm suddenly feeling very lucky." Stef said softly.

"I'm lucky one." Lena kissed her again. "Would you like some dinner?"

"Yes please."

"What would you like?" Lena asked, Stef looked at her.

She was still getting used to the fact that Lena included her in the day to day life because Ella never had. They eat and drank what Ella wanted. They didn't do anything for Stef.

"Erm."

"You can have whatever you want."

"I would love Thai food,"

"I'll order some. Put your PJ's on, I'll order the food."

"Sure,"

Stef smiled. as Lena kissed her one more time and went to order the food.

Stef changed into her favourite PJs, which was made up off a pair of lounge pants which were a little baggy and a t-shirt. She dried her hair and went into living room. smiling when she saw Lena sat with her feet up on the coffee table, reading the Thai menu. Trying to decide what to order.

"Have you ordered yet?" Stef said sitting next to her and putting her head onto her shoulder.

"Not yet, I wasn't sure what you liked," Lena said honestly.

Stef laughed. She couldn't help it.

"What are you laughing at?" Lena said turning her body to Stef.

Stef's laughter was a unique thing. Lena loved it. she knew that Stef hadn't laughed enough in her life. Ella had stopped her.

"Ella would have just ordered whatever and here you are, ten minutes after you went to order and you're sat here because you don't know what I want."

"And you find that funny,"

"Yes love, I do." Stef said,

Lena passed Stef the menu,

"Oh woman, just chose your food," Lena said good natured. "I'm going to change into my PJ's and we can have a PJ party."

Stef watched her go, smiling. this was the happiest she had been ever. Her life was falling into place.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 3,999,999_

 _New Post: A normal night in._

 _You won't believe this dear readers but tonight I've managed to completely relax with L. We had a PJ party._

 _She really made me laugh so hard. it was perfect._

 _We've eaten Thai food, my food was too hot for L, it was funny._

 _What made me laugh so much?_

 _Her. I had a shower, came out and she asked me what I would like. El would never have asked me that. I didn't know how to react. But she put me at ease. We laughed. We joked. We ordered more food than we could eat. There is enough for tomorrow._

 _We've watched a movie together._

 _We've been curled up in a blanket on our couch. something I would never have done with El._

 _L and I made love on the sofa (just throwing that out there)_

 _Life today was GREAT._


	26. Chapter 26

Lena walked into the wine bar where she was meeting her friends. She saw Jenna stood at the bar with a massive smirk on her face. Lena walked over to the bar, looking at her friend.

"What are you smirking about?" Lena asked as she looked Jenna and then the bar tender. "I'll have a glass of red please."

"You, I've read your girlfriends blog."

"And?" Lena said as she paid the bar tender and picked up her glass of wine.

"You had sex on the couch."

"Yes I did. and?"

"Your girlfriend wrote about it."

"She did and I'm not ashamed of what we did or that she told the world about it. it's a great step forward." Lena said slowly. she took a sip of her wine, her phone binged.

Stef: I've finished my meeting early, when will you be home?

Lena: I'm at Greg's Wine Bar on the front. With my friends I thought you were going to be longer.

Stef: Me too, I've signed another contract. Four book deal.

Lena: That's great, I'm so happy for you.

Stef: You're not going to ask me about money?

Lena: Should I?

Stef: She would have done!

Lena: I'm not her. Would you like to celebrate?

Stef: In what way?

Lena: Come to Greg's Wine Bar.

Stef: I'm not sure about that.

Lena: Please, come, have some wine. We can have something to eat.

Stef: Fine. I'll be half an hour.

Lena: I can't wait.

"Who are you texting?" Jenna asked as Kelly walked over. Lena could see the tension in their relationship but didn't what to say anything.

"Stef,"

"It must be love." Jenna said.

"I do live with her you know," Lena laughed.

"I know, we've never meet her."

"How do we know she's real," Kim said coming over.

"Why would I make a girlfriend up?" Lena said, raising her eyebrow.

"To get us a lot off your back." Kim laughed.

"You think I'm writing a blog, that has over 4 million followers and I've moved apartments, into an apartment that I could never afford just to make you think I'm in a relationship. My God you lot really are crazy." Lena rolled her eyes.

"Yeah we are going with that." Kim laughed,

"Oh my God, really people." Lena laughed. She looked over at the door and smiled. Their stood in the doorway looking nervous, looking around for her was Stef. Wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. Her hair freshly cut short. her hands in her pockets.

Without saying a word, Lena put her glass of wine down and walked over to the door. Kim, Hope, Jenna and Kelly watched as Lena smiled at Stef, who shyly smiled. Lena reached out and took her hand. slipping her fingers into Stef.

"Hello," Lena laughed.

"Hi, erm. This is scary love." Stef said looking around and noticing the four pair of eyes on her.

"It's going to be fine. We will leave when you want to leave. Take your time." Lena said softly.

Stef smiled. she hadn't been on a night out for years. What did help was having Lena's hand in hers. They walked towards the bar. Lena could feel that Stef was shaking slightly. This was massive for her. she'd not had friends or a night out in years and tonight she was about to meet Lena's friends.

"Would you like a drink honey?" Lena asked, looking at her woman, seeing her hazel eyes drawn to her after they had been darting around the room.

"Erm, Do they do that wine that you brought home the other night?" Stef was still learning about wine,

"No but they have something similar."

"Can I try that?" Stef asked softly. Lena could feel her body tense when she asked.

"Sure," Lena got the bar tenders attention. "Dry white please."

Stef turned and looked at Lena's friends, Lena turned and started laughing they were all standing trying to look as innocent as possible.

"my Goodness how did we get here?" Lena said slowly. "Erm, Stef. This Jenna and her wife Kelly and Kim and her partner Hope."

Stef nodded her head.

"Erm, Hi," Stef said.

"Hi, I'm Jenna, we didn't think you were real." Jenna said.

Lena rolled her eyes as Stef stepped closer to her. Stef felt safe with Lena.

"Why would you think I wasn't real?" Stef asked looking around nervously. She felt all eyes were on her. Lena gently passed her a glass of wine. Stef put it onto the bar as her hands were shaking. she didn't want to spill it. Ella would have beaten her for it. once She'd dropped a bottle of vodka and Ella had beaten her it, as it was a waste of money. A piece of glass had gone through her hand that night. She looked down at the scar. Memories flooding back.

"We've just never meet you, Lena's been with you a while now, and we just thought she might be making you up," Jenna said,

Stef didn't hear her. she was looking down the scar on her left hand. Stef suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't know what was happen. She wanted to run. She broke away. It was too much. She ran outside.

"Stef," Lena watched as Stef ran.

Stef didn't know what came over her. She ran out of bar. Managed to cross the road she gripped hold of the fence between the road and the beach. She held onto it. breathing hard. her body shaking. she dropped her head as tears ran down her face. One memory had come back. One of her worst memories. She hadn't expected it to come at her so hard. she was breathing hard.

"Stef, honey," Lena said, coming towards her. she didn't want to make her jump.

"Sorry…so…sorry." Stef cried.

Lena gently rubbed her back. Needing that physical contact with her woman. she knew her friends were over the road watching. She didn't care. Right now the only person that matter to her was Stef.

"Don't be, what's set this off honey please."

"Vodka." Stef managed.

Lena didn't understand.

"What do you mean?"

Stef looked up before raising her left hand, showing a deep scar along the front and back of her hand were the glass had gone through.

"One night I dropped Ella's bottle of vodka. She was so angry." Stef said slowly looking at Lena. her breathing was fast, her chest hurting. Lena's fingers ran up and down Stef's arm, trying to calm her down. "She beat me for twenty minutes, it only ended when I fell to the floor and my large piece of glass went through my hand. At the hospital, she acted like the doting girlfriend. I was so scared. The smell of alcohol in their reminded me of that day. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Listen to me, you've got nothing to be sorry about. This may have been a step too far too soon. I'm sorry,"

"I've let you down."

"No, no you haven't." Lena said, stepping into Stef's personal space.

Stef looked at her, looked into Lena's brown eyes and saw nothing but love and devotion. She was always scared that she would see rage and anger but she'd never seen that in Lena's eyes. she almost jumped into Lena's arms. Holding her close.

"Please can we go home?" Stef asked as she held her.

"Yes, I need to get my purse. Why don't you get in the car. I will meet you then. Okay?"

"Okay," Stef said as she turned and walked towards the car.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 4,236,110_

 _New Post: Memories._

 _I'm angry at myself. I'm so fucking angry at myself. Little things keep bring memories to me._

 _I went to meet L's friends. I know, I know we've been together a long time now. But I'm scared of people. Here I can hide behind my blog, but in the outside world It's so real._

 _We meet at a wine bar and the smell of the alcohol brought back a memory. One that I hate. On my left hand I have a scar, I'm lucky I can still use my hand._

 _One night I dropped a bottle of El's Vodka and it broke. She beat me as she was so angry. I fell over and a piece of glass went through my hand. A wine bar, and that was the memory that came back to me. I ended up in the street having a panic attack._

 _L was great. She always is. I don't know how I got so lucky to have her in my life. I mean I've got from the worst girlfriend and now I've got the best. She's made sure I've got everything I need._

 _I mean we got home and she gave me the space I needed for a moment. I lay on our bed, curled up in a ball. I've not cried that hard in a long time. she came in, she spooned me and held me close. I fell asleep in her arms._

 _I woke alone, I got up, showered put on my favourite PJ's._

 _L made me coco. We sat together and talked. She'd phoned her friends. Explained._

 _I curled up in her arms. I can't explain why she makes me feel safe._

 _I've never loved someone the way I love her. Tonight I lay with my head in her lap and we talked. She ran her fingers through my hair and we talked._

 _This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with._

 _She's so patient and calm with me._

 _Her physical touch can calm me._

 _I don't need anyone or anything else._

 _Just her._

 _Just the woman I love._

 _Yet sometimes, little things. the smallest of things can bring back the worst of my memories and I need it to be over. I need it to stop._

 _I WILL NOT LET HER RULE MY LIFE ANY LONGER._


	27. Chapter 27

Stef opened the doors to the balcony. She walked out, nursing a cup of coffee. She lent against the rail, looking out to the ocean. She was lost in thought.

Lena walked out and stood beside her, both of them dressed causally. Stef's feet bare.

"What's on your mind?" Lena asked softly.

"Sometimes, she rules my thoughts. Like she is ruling my life still. Last night, when we went to meet your friends. I should have been enjoying myself. I should have been with you. Laughing like other couples and instead I had a full on panic attack because of the smell of alcohol." Stef said slowly.

"Honey, what Ella did to you will stay with you for life. last night we just went too far, we should have meet them here, not at the wine bar."

"You wasted $8 on a glass of wine."

"Nah, Jenna drank it," Lena said slowly. laughing.

Stef looked at her woman, confused. Ella would have beat her.

"This is what I mean," Stef said slowly

"What honey?" Lena said.

"if I'd have wasted a glass of wine Ella would have beat me. you just laugh."

"It wasn't wasted and it's only wine. You're my world Stef. My love of you is deep. I'm in love with you." Lena said. She reached out and took Stef's hand. linking their fingers together. "I really didn't mean this to happen when I responded on your web page. But my God I'm lucky. You've changed my life these last months and I don't want anyone else. I love you so much Stef."

"Even through I'm completely broken,"

"Stef, you complete me." Lena grinned "One day I will marry you."

"You're very sure of yourself." Stef looked at Lena. slightly shocked at what she had said.

"Trust me, one day I will marry you." Lena said.

"I do trust you." Stef whispered.

Lena lifted their hands and kissed the back of Stef's hand.

"I know you do," Lena smiled.

Stef looked back out on the ocean. Her mind was racing.

"You can invite your friends here," Stef said slowly.

"What?"

"One night this week you can invite your friends. I'll make Mexican food, you can bring wine. I would like to get to know them but I would feel safer, happier here."

"Are you sure?" Lena said,

"Yeah, I would like to bring more of your life into our lives. the world doesn't work around me and my fear. I've got to start stepping forward."

"You're very positive this morning." Lena grinned.

"The bacon sandwiches we made this morning." Stef smiled.

Lena laughed.

"Bacon makes everything better for you," Lena said,

"Very true. The greatest of foods is bacon." Stef smiled. she drained the last of her coffee. "I better get on with some writing otherwise my publisher is going to start wanting my advances back."

"Enjoy, I've got to do some prep for my lectures next week, got a new topic,"

"What's that?"

"Media and crime, taking over from one of the older professors. It's my turn to step up."

"Sounds fun," Stef turned and looked into the apartment. The apartment she had managed to buy, full of the stuff she was slowly building up. Her life had changed so dramatically. This was her new life. she went inside, heading towards the study that she now shared with Lena. she sat down and started her day.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 4,445,597_

 _New Post: Bacon, coffee and work_

 _I've had a strange day. After yesterday and my panic attack, I wanted to relax a little. I woke this morning and L made me bacon sandwiches. I love a good bacon sandwich and L is the best cook. We eat together before she went to shower. I drank coffee and looked out over the ocean._

 _One of the best parts about this apartment is the view. you can see out to sea and it's keep going for miles and miles. I love watching the waves crashing. It relaxes me. I like to drink the last of my coffee out of the balcony._

 _L said something I didn't expected today. She told me that one day she will marry me? why does she want me? I'm a broke woman. I've got so much happening in my mind. I feel things deeply._

 _We worked together. Her on her work and mine on mine in our joint study. For a few hours we just worked. Drinking coffee and I was just over joyed to be the same room as my woman and knowing I'm perfectly safe. I've never felt this way before._

 _We made dinner together, our kitchen full of old skool rock music, laughter and us making steak and home made fries. With a lovely side salad with this magic dressing that L makes._

 _I never thought that we would get to this point. I never thought I'd get to the point. Laughing and joking around in our kitchen. I was relaxed._

 _There was so much physical affection. I mean we touched, we danced a little. Little kisses. Little hugs. I want this. I want her._

 _This relationship means so much to me._

 _I'm madly in love with her. How did this happen? I'm twenty-five, and madly in love. she completes me._

 _It was never like this with El. Never. NEVER._


	28. Chapter 28

Stef tapped the pen she was holding against her notebook on her desk, her note book that was full of ideas for her novels. She was thinking. The buzzer for the apartment went off and she jumped a little. She didn't know who it was. she wasn't expected anyone. She slowly got up,

The buzzer kept going off. Stef picked it up and the image on the screen was blank like someone was putting their hand over the camera.

"Hello," Stef said

"Parcel for Ms Stefanie Foster." A voice said,

"I'm not expecting anything." Stef said slowly.

"Look I just have a parcel,"

"I will come down." Stef said, slipping her feet in her Vans. She picked up her keys and phone and went down stairs. She opened the door of the building and was pushed inside.

"You stupid bitch," It was Ella, Stef couldn't work out how she was here, or why she was here.

"El…Ella."

"You were supposed to let me in. You ruin everything." Ella yelled. She lashed out, punching Stef in the face. Stef fell to the floor. Ella gripped her hair, pulling her into the elevator. "Hit the button for your floor."

When Stef didn't reach out, Ella rammed her head into the mirror in the elevator cutting Stef's head open.

"DO IT BITCH."

Stef reached out and clicked the number, the elevator doors closed, and they went to the floor. Gripping Stef by the hair again Ella dragged her out of the elevator, while her back was turned Stef took out of her phone and pressed the emergency button on her iPhone. Dialling 911 she dropped her phone outside the apartment.

"Which was is yours?"

"Four B." Stef whispered.

"Open the fucking door woman," Ella demanded. Stef opened the apartment door. Ella threw her in, stepping over her. she looked around the apartment. Seeing the photos of the happy couple, the life that her former girlfriend had built for herself.

Ella took her hair again dragging her into the middle of the living room. walked into the kitchen, picking up a knife

"You're new fucking girlfriend is going to find you dead." Ella yelled before she stapped Stef repeatedly. Leaving Stef in a pool of blood, within minutes the door was knocked down and the police ran in. they had tracked Stef's phone, hearing her distress. Guns pointed at Ella. Ella dropped the knife. Lifting her hands up.

"She's going to die you know." She smiled. "If I can't have her. No one fucking can." Ella kicked Stef as the police arrested her and two other officers started working on Stef. Who lay motionless.

Stef lay looking at the celling, bleeding and hurting. Her body broken. She could barely breath.

"Le…le…Lena…" Stef managed before closing her eyes, her body shutting down.

Lena ran into the hospital. She couldn't believe the phone call she had got. Sharon had phoned to say the police had phoned her to tell her that Stef was being rushing to hospital. She'd been attacked in the apartment. She waited impatiently to get the desk.

"Name please."

"I'm Dr Lena Adams, I'm here to see Stefanie Foster."

"Are you next of kin?" The nurse said. She was hassled.

"Yes, I'm her domestic partner." The nurse typed some information in,

"Her mother is in the waiting room on the forth floor. Ms Foster is currently in surgery."

Lena made her way upstairs, she walked into the large waiting room and saw Sharon sitting in the far corner looking concerned. Lena walked over to her sitting down.

"What happened?" Lena asked softly.

"Ella, she erm, turned up at the apartment."

"She's in prison."

"No, some how she was out. they are looking into it. you can't just walk out of prison." Sharon said, tears in her eyes.

"What's happened?" Lena said, taking her mother-in-law's hand.

"She beat her, there is CCTV, of her punching Stef, dragging her into the elevator, she smashed Stef's face into the mirror in the elevator. She then dragged her into the apartment and stapped her six or seven times. Stef's lucky to be alive." Sharon said softly.

Lena sat in shock. She couldn't believe that this had happened. how had Ella found them? why had she found them? why had she done this to Stef?

The hours seemed to pass slowly. Lena sat, with her head against the wall just waiting. Her and Sharon had eaten, Sharon had made sure. It was only sandwiches, but it was better than nothing. They had drank coffee and waited. Every time a doctor came in they thought it was for them but it wasn't.

A man with greying hair wearing green scrub's walked in.

"Family of Stefanie Marie Foster please,"

Sharon and Lena got up and walked over to him.

"She's stable." Lena gasped at his words. "We've moved her to ICU, we've managed to stop the internal bleeding. The knife managed to miss all her vital organs. She has a breathing tube up her nose just to ensure she gets the right amount of oxygen into her blood. She lost a lot of blood, we are doing a transfusion. She also has a IV in her arm. But she's doing remarkably well. The police have been to take photographs of her wounds."

"Thank you," Sharon said.

"Can we see her?" Lena asked,

"Sure please follow me." The both picked up their purses and followed him into a private room on the ward.

Lena slowly walked into the room, seeing Stef, her face bruised. just at her hair line there was a line of fresh stiches. She looked like she was just sleeping. Lena walked over to Stef, sitting down beside her. she took her hand holding it. She kissed her hand, gently running her fingers through her hair. touching her slowly. her own eyes filling with tears. Her girlfriend, looked broken, she couldn't believe this had happened.

"I'm. erm. Going to get her some stuff from the apartment, do you need anything?" Sharon asked.

"Please can you bring clothes and my mac book please."

"Sure, don't leave her." Sharon said softly.

"I won't. I love her."

"I know, I'll be back shortly." Sharon said before leaving, knowing that her daughter was currently in safe hands.

 _Blog name: L E A_

 _Linked Blog: Better_Version, followers: 4,894,144_

 _Followers: 4507_

 _New Post: tragic moment._

 _Hi, I'm L. knowing as L on Better_Version's blog. I've linked her blog to this one as she won't be able to write for a while. I'm not sure when she will be able to do this again_

 _Yesterday I got a phone call to say that Better_Version had been rushed into hospital. Her ex, El had somehow got out of prison, found her. She beat her, she dragged her into our apartment and stapped her with one of my kitchen knife's._

 _Better_Version is lucky to be alive. She's lucky she's lay beside me sleeping. She's having a blood transfer, she's got an IV in her hand, she's also having regular pain meds through a line in her hand. she's got 155 stiches throughout of her body. she has no vital organs hit. She's just lost a lot of blood and has seven knife wounds. I'm just overjoyed it wasn't a gun._

 _El wanted to kill Better_Version. She wanted her dead. I've been told by the police tonight there is verbal from Better_Version's cell phone. 'if I can't have you no one can'_

 _I've asked for a full report, she was supposed to be serving twenty five years. Why was she out? How was she allowed to get to Better_Version. I've got so many unanswered questions._

 _I'm sat here, in a hospital, looking at the woman I love more than life. The one that I know one day will be my wife. we are not running from her past. We're not. I'm not sure if we will be able to return to the apartment. El has destroyed that private place for us._

 _I will not let this woman hurt Better_Version anymore._

 _I know she 's back in prison. She was laughing. She's crazy._

 _Better_Version and I are meant to be together. I can't cope with her being so badly injured. I love her. now I've got to wait for her to wake up. I just want to hold her in my arms. Tell her everything is going to be okay. let her know that I love her. I want my laughing, smiling girlfriend back._


	29. Chapter 29

"What do you mean?" Lena asked, looking at the police office who had come to see her.

Stef was lay in he bed sleeping.

"Ella Carter was taken to hospital, she escaped, we think she paid the officer she was assigned too her. she was then able to find Ms Foster," the officer said slowly.

Lena rubbed her forehead. Looking back at her woman lay in bed.

"We could sue the prison service you know that right?" Lena said.

"I do," The officer. "When Ms Foster wakes we will need a statement from her,"

"I know," Lena said. She was finished with the officer she couldn't believe what she had heard. She walked back into the room, sitting back own beside her woman taking her hand.

"Le…Lena." Stef's voice was soft, groggy even,

Lena stood up and looked down at her, making sure that when Stef opened her eyes she could see her. she gently ran her finger through her hair.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here." Lena whispered.

Stef's eyes flicked open.

"I'm sorry." Stef managed.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about." Lena said, she kissed her forehead. "I'm here."

"Mom?"

"She's gone to get me some take out."

"She came for me," Stef whispered. "I should have known."

"It's okay. trust me it's okay. she's back in prison. She's no where near us. they've transferred her to LA until her trial."

Lena's fingers moving slowly through her hair. making sure she was calm.

"I want to go home,"

"I've hired someone to clean the apartment."

"I love that apartment." Stef whispered. "She's ruined it for me."

"I know baby," Lena sat onto the bed, taking her hand gently playing with her fingers.

"I can't go back there,"

"We can find somewhere else?"

"Similar. I love the ocean view."

"We will get you another ocean view. just not that apartment or that block. You'll never have to go back. If you don't want too, I can bring your mac book here. we can look at apartments we can sort this. I promise." Lena said.

"Too much," Stef said as she started to cry.

"I know, okay baby. Please stay calm."

Stef looked at Lena. her fingers locking around Lena's hand.

"I love you Stef, so much. She's not going to hurt you again."

"You can't be sure,"

"I can," Lena said slowly.

"Lena, I hurt," Stef admitted. Her eyes closing.

"Sleep baby. I'm not going anywhere."

"Please stay with me, I'm safe with you," Stef whispered.

"You are, you're safe with me." Lena said

Stef drifted off to sleep.

Lena watched her as the police officer walked into the room

"Ms Adams,"

Lena turned and looked at them.

"Yes,"

"Can we speak for a moment?"

"Sure," Lena kissed Stef's hand before standing in the doorway of the room, making sure that Stef could see her if she woke.

"Ms Ella Carter has been found dead."

"What?"

"In her cell, she hung herself"

"She's dead."

"Yes, she knew she would never get again after trying to kill Ms Foster." The officer said slowly.

"I want a photo of her dead."

"What? Why?"

"I need to make sure that, that piece of shit can't hurt my partner anymore. You can see with your own eyes, you can see how he hurt her. I want to see a photo of her dead."

The officer took out his phone, flicking through a few emails before showing Lena the photo of her dead.

"Thank you, I will tell Stef." She turned and walked back into the room, she sat down taking Stef's hand, Stef opened her eyes.

"What's going on?" Stef asked,

Lena looked at her woman, she got up, sitting back onto the bed, she took her hand.

"Ella is dead," Lena whispered.

"What?" Stef asked, looking shocked.

"She killed herself."

"She's…she's…she's gone."

"She has," Lena said, feeling Stef shaking, her hand wrapping around her Lena's.

"She…she stabbed me…she hurt me…she's gone."

"She's gone." Lena said reaching out and running down Stef's face, her fingers gentle against her skin. "She can never hurt you again. I love you and I'm going to keep showing you for the rest of your life how much I love you. She will never, ever hurt you physically again."

"I love you too baby," Stef said softly before she gently closed her eyes her body relaxing and for the first time in years drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 5,001,100_

 _New Post: She's gone._

 _I'm in hospital. Using their wifi, which isn't great but it's better than nothing. She stabbed me eight times. She wanted to kill me, but she's not._

 _She killed herself._

 _She hung herself in the cell at the prison. L has seen a picture and assures me she's gone._

 _She can't physically hurt me ever again. She's done her last act of violence she has made sure I'm back in hospital and that my body is damaged._

 _L hasn't left me. She's showering here at the hospital. She's holding me after the couple of nightmares I have had._

 _But I must admit one thing._

 _When I was told that El was dead. That she was finally gone._

 _I slept. I mean I really slept. No dreams. Nothing. I just lay in this uncomfortable hospital bed and slept._

 _She's gone._

 _I'm not sure how I feel. She was a apart of my life for six years. She hurt me all that time. I'm now nearly twenty six. I'm lay in hospital. I'm hurting. But it's the last time I will be here because of her._

 _The memories will always stay with me. my life will never be the same. But I have L and her love and devotion. I have so much love in my life that I've never had before._

 _L has changed my life, my way of thinking. I know that right now she's on her Mac trying to find us somewhere else to live because she knows I can't go to our beautiful apartment. Because of her. I can't go back there. yet we still want an apartment with an ocean view._

 _She's gone._

 _She has really gone._

 _I need my new home._

 _I want to be at home, in my bed with L. no one else. L is everything I need. I want to curl up in bed with her, hold her. be with her. feel her skin against mine. Her kisses against my skin. I've really never, ever felt like this before. L is everything to me and El has GONE._

 _SHE'S GONE!_


	30. Chapter 30

Stef sat on the balcony of their new apartment. A few blocks down from the old apartment they had jointly bought the penthouse apartment, now she was sitting, sunglasses on, looking out over the ocean. Watching the waves crashing. She could hear Lena walking behind her. she gently put her hand onto her shoulder.

"Hi honey," Lena said as she gently rubbed her shoulder.

"Hi, how was work?" Stef asked.

"Normal, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, took all my pain medication as promised. Now I'm just relaxing." Stef said,

Lena kicked off her shoes before sitting beside Stef taking her hand.

"Some habits are hard for you to break." Lena said

"What do you mean?"

"You promised to do something, you tell me."

"Ella, she used too…" She stopped.

"Love it's okay."

Lena rubbed the back of Stef's hand.

"I'm just glad to have you home."

"How did you get everything in here so quickly?"

"Magic." Lena laughed.

"Which means?" Stef said looking at the woman she was crazy about.

"I paid a company to pack the old place up and move us here as soon as you decided you loved the place."

"I can't have been that simple."

"Honey, it wasn't. it's two months since Ella attacked you. And I showed you this place. We sold the other apartment and I bought us this place. Now you're home." Lena said.

"It's good to be home. Hospital beds are very uncomfortable."

"I've bought us a new bed."

"I can't wait to sleep in it." Stef said. Tonight, was her first night home. She'd been discharged that morning. Lena had picked her up brought her home and then gone to work. It had been the first time that Stef had been alone since that day. She had coped. Having her mother and Lena's phones on standby. She'd coped. She's looked around the new large apartment. She'd settled in.

"I can't wait for you to be in it with me." Lena smiled.

Stef looked at her, smiling. she took off her sunglasses. Taking in her woman. Lena looked relaxed but in need of a good nights sleep. She'd been sleeping on a cot in Stef's room.

"We need a vacation." Stef said slowly. she tensed as she said it.

"You're tense honey,"

"I know she can't hurt me anymore but when I say certain things, think certain things I think I'm going to be beaten."

"I would never do that." Lena looked shocked.

"I know that," Stef replied. "It doesn't stop the thoughts."

"You want a vacation," Lena said softly.

"Somewhere nice, when I was in hospital I was looking at these cabins in the woods. They are about two hours from here. They are quiet and out of the way. We have to take our food, and there is barely any phone signal. But there is WIFI. We can have a weekend or a week."

"A week would be nice. Just to the two of us, sounds good. We can go to that nice supermarket, get all the food we need. Maybe some wine."

"Shall I book it?" Stef asked.

"Yes, for as soon as possible. I've got someone covering my classes for the next couple of weeks,"

Stef reached over picking up her iPad, flicking to the page she had been on for the lodges.

"They have space from this Saturday to next Saturday how does that sound?" Stef said

"Perfect, you can recover and we can have a nice week together. away from the world. Just us." Lena smiled, knowing they both needed this. Stef needed as much fresh air and relaxation as possible. her mind and soul needed to heel as well as her body.

Lena knew she would have to drive but she loved her and didn't care. Since Ella's death Stef had started to relax. She still had moments of fear but right now she was leaning to relax.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 5,543,266_

 _New Post: Finally home._

 _It's been two months since Ella attacked me in our old apartment. Two months since she took her own life and left me. I keep dreaming about her. not as often as I used too. It's my first night home._

 _In our new home._

 _We've moved about two blocks away from the old place into an open plan Penthouse apartment. The we have a roof top garden as well as a balcony. The balcony leads into our kitchen. The garden amazingly is linked to our bedroom. I love the view from the garden. It's going to take a little bit of time for me to get used to this new place. But when L showed it to me. I knew it was the place I wanted to live._

 _She's amazing L is. She's made sure that everything was done while I was in hospital. She hired people to pack up our apartment and move it the two blocks to our new one. It's homely already._

 _She's cooking right now. Humming to the radio and cooking. She's relaxed. she's been to work, prepared cover for the first two weeks of term before she goes back full time. I should be cooking but I can't. I can't stand for every long I get pain in my upper body. mainly due to the knife wounds El has left me with._

 _But L is cooking. The smell in the apartment is amazing. we've been living off hospital food for two months and now I know I'm getting chicken, salad and whatever else she's cooking up._

 _She's a remarkable woman is L._

 _She's stood by me. is standing by me always._

 _I've never loved someone the way I love her. it's like she rules my soul._

 _We're going on our first vacation._

 _My first vacation._

 _We're going to a log cabin. Self catering. I know. But it's going to be lovely. We go on Saturday. For a week. Just me and her._

 _Her and me. together._

 _We've not made love in two and half months. I'm not sure about my body. I've got nine new scars. Okay the one on my forehead you can barely see._

 _But the eight on my chest and stomach. They are pink, heeling. I'm not sure I want her to see me naked._

 _I know I have scars all over my body. I know that. She's kissed so many of them. but these are new. They are fresh._

 _I know she loves me. I know she wants me._

 _Yet I'm scared. what if she rejects me (and yes I know she's reading this. I'm well aware of what she reads)_

 _I can't take that rejection._

 _I'm so in love with her._

 _If I lose her, I lose myself. She's not El, she's L._

 _My L._


	31. Chapter 31

Lena pulled the car into the space outside the large cabin that they would call home for the next week. She looked at Stef who was awake, she'd slept most of the journey and only woken up when they had arrived to get the keys from the main house which was ten miles away from around here.

"This place looks stunning." Stef said looking around, the trees moving slightly in the wind. They were alone.

"We don't have to go out, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We are alone."

"And for the first time ever I'm not scared by that," Stef said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Lena asked. She reached out and linked her fingers into Stef's.

"Sometimes when we are alone I get scared. memories of Ella come back to me and it hurts. but I know you're not her. and I know that she's dead. I feel safe. When I woke in hospital and my eyes opened and you were that was all I needed. I looked up into your brown eyes and I felt safe." Stef said. "I don't want to pressure you."

"Pressure me?"

"Into being responsible for my safe feelings." Stef said slowly

"There is no pressure on me." Lena said, before leaning over and kissing her wife's cheek. "Now lets get in and explore our cabin."

Lena got out of the car and Stef followed, she knew Lena wouldn't let her get the suitcase or the shopping as she wasn't to lift anything heavy.

Lena opened the door and they went into the cabin.

"Wow," Stef said, it was small, the only room that was walled in was the bathroom, it was an open plan kitchen, living room, and the bedroom was near the bathroom with the bed, looking out of two double windows into the woods.

"I'm going to get the stuff in, make yourself at home Stef." Lena said before heading outside. She brought everything in, putting the food and wine away, Stef sat looking out into the woods from the sofa. Her legs curled up under her. Lena made sure the car was locked, she closed the front door, locking the door before she found two wine glasses and opened a nice bottle she had brought. She walked over and put the glasses down on the coffee table.

"This place is amazing," Stef said softly.

"It is." Lena said laying her head onto Stef's shoulder. Her hand on Stef's leg. The room filled with a comfortable silence.

"Love?"

"Mmm,"

"Thank you," Stef whispered.

Lena sat up looking at her,

"What for?" Lena asked,

Stef turned her head and looked at the woman who meant to much to her. The woman who had changed her life completely.

"For being there for me, for getting me through this. For loving me."

"You never have to thank me. I love you Stef. It's really that simple." Lena smiled. "Come here."

"What?" Stef frowned.

"Straddle me."

"What?"

"Come and straddle me."

Stef took a dee breath and moved straddling Lena on the sofa, resting her forehead against Lena's. Lena's hands running over her hips and down to her ass, as Stef's wrapped around her neck. They just looked at each other for a few moments. Just looking deep into each other's eyes. Stef felt herself drawn to her. She kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip. She felt herself melting into Lena,

The kiss was slow and passionate. It was the first time in weeks they had been this close.

Stef felt Lena's hand slip up her t-shirt. Stef didn't tense like Lena had expected her too. She'd read the blog she knew that Stef was nervous about her newest scars. Lena didn't care. she kept kissing her. feeling Stef's fingers on her face. They shifted.

Lena gently tugged on Stef's shirt. Stef pulled away looking at her.

"We've been here less than half an hour." Stef said slowly.

"No time like the present." Lena said wiggling her eyebrows as she moved her hands under Stef's shirt. Her fingers running over her lovers back. Her fingers feeling every bump and every mark but she didn't care and she didn't draw away.

"I love you," Stef whispered. "I trust you,"

She moved forward and captured her lips again before pulling away and allowing Lena to remove her top. Leaving her in her jeans and purple bar. Lena didn't even looked shocked, as Stef expected. Stef watched as Lena kissed and licked all eight of her wounds before taking her nipple into her mouth. Sucking through the material of her bra. Making Stef's head fall back. Moaning.

Lena loved the noises that Stef made. They were little moans that she'd started making with her. Lena's fingers managed to open her bra. Letting it drop down her shoulders. Lena pulled her head away removing the bra.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked as Stef got up,

Stef reached out taking her hand.

"Bed,"

"You don't want to make love on the couch?"

"No baby," Stef said as they went over to the bed and Stef undid he belt and jeans, taking them off as quickly as she could. Lena undressed, looking at Stef who still wore her panties and was watching Lena strip completely naked. Lena stood between Stef's legs and kissed her. Stef fell backwards taking Lena with her. their breasts pressed together. as Stef wrapped her legs and arms around Lena. Lena kissed her neck, listening to her breathing, listening to her moans. Knowing that this was perfect. For them.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 5,745,112_

 _New Post: Sex /making love / fucking_

 _We're on vacation. We've been here less than three hours and we've made love, had sex and fucked. You might think that's all the same thing but it's not._

 _Making love is a passionate act that L does so well. She can make my whole body tremble and I love it. we made love for a while. We drank wine, eat finger snacks and then fucked on the kitchen floor. That was just raw sexual need. We had sex on the sofa._

 _But laying here now, in these expensive sheets, with her beside me. both of us naked I feel loved and alive._

 _The way she holds me, looks at me. the way her body melts into mine as we make love._

 _I've never known such a deep love. she's a hair puller and she loves to dig her nails into my back as I make love to her. she's remarkable._

 _I love her._

 _This is what I need,_

 _This is what I want._

 _This is everything_

 _I need to sleep she's warn me out._

 _(sorry to L's friends who read this who now know too much information but she's watched me type this and said fine post it. so I did)_


	32. Chapter 32

Stef rolled over in the large kingsize bed and looked at her woman, walking around in panties and a t-shirt. Lena was in the kitchen making them coffee.

"I know you're watching me," Lena said without turning around.

"It's your long legs and ass, they draw me in." Stef laughed.

Lena just took in her laughter. It meant more so much to her. she thought she had lost her. she loved that even after one night she was relaxed. Stef was completely naked, lay in the perfect sheets, she had now propped herself up on her hand, watching as Lena filled the cups.

"Excuse and coconut oil,"

"Eh?" Stef raised her eye brow.

"That's how I got these legs."

"I thought you were born that way," Stef said, grinning.

"Honey, I was born gay, I work at the rest." Lena said as she picked up the two mugs and walked over to the bed, putting Stef's coffee onto the table next to their bed, she sat down crossing her long legs and nursing her coffee.

"I was born gay and to love you," Stef said as she propped herself up in her pillows, pulling up the sheets to cover her chest. She moved and picked up her coffee. She wasn't used to this. she'd never had this with Ella.

"Hey, where did you mind go?" Lena said. Reaching out and playing with Stef's fingers.

"I've never done this,"

"What?"

"I've never been this relaxed, and been so open and honest with my feelings. Its all new. Ella, she never let me have this time. I mean you got up,"

"Too pee," Lena interjected.

Stef laughed.

"you got up, you've made me coffee, you've not demanded that I get out of bed. Make you coffee, or breakfast."

"We are equals,"

"I know," Stef smiled.

"Erm, I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk, from the top of the hill, there is a lovely view. would you be up for walking up there." Lena asked.

"With water and painkillers I'm sure I can make it." Stef said.

"Why don't you get showered and dressed and I'll put a rucksack together."

"Sounds exciting." Stef said as she put her coffee down and watched as Lena held her robe open for her. Stef slipped into it before heading into the bathroom.

Lena smiled. she watched Stef close the door, she took a deep breath before getting herself dressed. She then opened the bag she had brought with her. in her purse was a box. She took it out, opening it. inside was a ring that was very Stef. It was a white gold band with diamonds in it. she ran her finger over her the ring. Before she slipped it into the pocket of the jacket she was wearing. She got their rucksack ready. Making sure they had cold water and Stef's medication. She smiled when Stef came out wearing jeans, walking boots, a plaid shirt. She picked up her jacket.

"Ready when you are love?" Stef said as she ran her fingers through her hair which natural spiked up.

"Come on," Lena picked up the rucksack, her cell phone and the key to the cabin. Smiling as she closed the door.

They made it to the top of the hill, out of the trees and they could see for miles. Stef sat herself down breathing hard after the climb. Lena looked at her, dropping the rucksack down. she opened it and gave her a bottle of water from the cool bag inside. She silently passed it too Stef, with her medication. Stef took it and drank her drink.

"This view is amazing and worth the walk up here," Stef said as she sat looking out.

Lena sat beside her. looking out.

"There is a reason I've made you climb up here." Lena said slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"When you were in hospital. I spent a lot of time with my own thoughts, while you rested," Lena said slowly. "When I got that call, to tell me you'd been hurt, I didn't know what to do. I was lost. I wanted to save you. I was scared she'd killed you. I was scared that bitch had taken you away from me." Lena said slowly.

Stef was shocked she'd never heard Lena speak this way. She just sat and listened.

"I was scared I'd never get to hold you again. Kiss you, make love to you." Lena smiled at Stef's blush. She always blushed when Lena mentioned sex. "Since I meet you, I've been filled with love. you've changed me so much. You've grown so much. When I saw you laying in hospital because she had hurt you so badly. I thought I'd lose you. You're a remarkable woman who is doing great. You're changing daily."

Stef felt the tears running down her face as Lena spoke.

"You hold my heart. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. You've changed my life. I never thought I would fall in love with a woman who had been domestically abused. I've done so much research on it and now I'm living with the aftermath of it. you're so much stronger than you think you are."

Stef wiped her eyes. as Lena spoke she couldn't believe this was happening in the most romantic place, the wind was lightly blowing and over the hill they could see trees and country side for miles.

"I love you so much Stefanie Marie Foster. you're the love of my life. you're remarkable. I want to spend the rest of my life making your life perfect. I want to have a family with you. I want you to be safe and loved. You're my world and you've changed my world and I'm ready for you to keep me changing."

Lena got down on one knee in the dirt. Not caring that she was getting dirty. She looked at her woman. she took Stef's shaking hand.

"Stefanie Marie Foster, Will you marry me?" Lena said as she took the ring out of her pocket, holding the box tight.

There was silence. The only sounds where the birds, the wind as Stef looked at Lena in complete shock. She couldn't believe what was happening.

"Say that again?" Stef whispered.

"The whole thing?" Lena laughed.

Stef laughed.

"No honey, just the last bit." Stef said,

Lena shifted on the dirt, she dropped Stef's hand opened the ring box and took her hand again, looking deep into those hazel eyes that showed all of Stef's emotions.

"Stefanie Marie Foster will you marry me?"

"Yes," Stef whispered.

Lena looked at her shocked. she smiled,

A slow smile spread over Stef's lips.

"Yes, Yes, yes I'll marry you, I'd be crazy not to." Stef found her voice.  
Lena took the ring out of the box and slipped into her finger. Before she kissed Stef. Holding her face in place as they kissed. she couldn't believe it. Stef had never felt so loved.

Lena had chosen the most romantic place to ask her the question. They were both in so in love. They broke the kiss and looked at each other. Stef smiled. she'd found her soul mate and the woman who was going to take away her nightmares.

"Shall we head back to the cabin," Stef said slowly

"Come on, lets head back down." Lena grinned. Taking her woman's hand and picking up their rucksack.

"Wait," Stef said,

"What honey?"

Stef took out her cell phone and held hand up with the view in the background. She took a couple of photos of her ring. Then she got Lena and they took a selfie for themselves. Stef sent the photo to her mother, the text said 'she asked me to marry her, I said yes'

"Finished baby," Lena asked,

"Yes. Lets go back."

"Come on, my wife-to-be."

Stef couldn't help but smile at her woman's words as they headed back down the hill to the cabin.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 5,971,155_

 _New Post: A brand new start._

 _L did something today I didn't expect and it's not the lovely salmon she's just cooked us both. We went for a walk, to the top of the hill here to take in the view._

 _Well I thought we were going up there to see the view. it was amazing up there,_

 _L got to the top, let me take my meds and take in the view. she then got down in one knee in the dirt and asked me to marry her._

 _I SAID YES._

 _I'd be crazy not to have said yes._

 _L completes me._

 _She's got me a lovely ring. *picture of just Stef's hand included here*_

 _We walked back down the hill, which took lot shorter time then me trying to get up._

 _We've had a heart dinner, L had it all planned, she made us a three course dinner with lovely wine and now we're relaxing together._

 _I'm going to marry this woman._

 _I'm still scared. I'm still broken._

 _But do you know what dear reader. I'm very in love with this woman. I want her to be with me forever and she wants to be with me._

 _We're going to get married_

 _One day we will have a family together._

 _She's my world._

 _El can't take this from us._

 _She can't hurt me anymore. Physically anywhere._

 _I'm so in love with L. I'm not sharing her speech. But she's my world and I can't wait for us to carry on taking each day as it comes._


	33. Chapter 33

Stef slowly moved around the small kitchen. She warming bagels and making coffee. She looked over at the bed. Lena lay in the middle the bed. Her mass of curly on the pillow, her dark skin looking darker against the white sheets.

Stef looked down at her left hand, seeing the ring that Lena had bought her. she still couldn't believe that Lena had proposed. That she was going to marry this kind woman. she buttered the bagels and took out the cream cheese that Lena loved so much, making sure that Lena got the bagel the way she loved it. she filled two cups of coffee and walked over to the bed. Putting the bagels and coffee down onto the table next to the bed.

Stef reached out and gently ran her fingers down Lena's face. watching as those big brown eyes opened.

"Hello," Lena smiled.

"Hey, sleep well."

"Yeah, you made sure my body was completely relaxed." reached up and took Stef's hand and gently kissed her fingers.

"Good, I've made you bagels with cream cheese. With hazelnut coffee."

"Mmm, you know the way to girl's heart." Lena's voice was soft as she sat herself up, wrapping herself in the sheet.

She watched as Stef sat crossed legged. They eat together, drinking their coffee. Just being together in this most amazing of places.

"I will need to find you a ring," Stef sad between bites of her bagel and sips of her coffee.

"You don't have too, we can just find nice wedding bands." Lena said slowly.

"Don't you want a ring?" Stef asked as she put her plate down and looked at the woman she loved so much.

"I would like a ring, but it's not the most important thing. The most important thing is us getting married. It's us being together. You growing into the person you were always meant to be. Putting Ella and her evil ways into the past. You being you. Us being us and one day having a family we can enjoy and love. The ring is not important. My wedding band will be." Lena said.

"You're remarkable you know that." Stef said, just looking at the woman

Lena cocked her head to one side and looked at her.

"I'm not as remarkable as you." Lena said softly.

"I'm not remarkable. I'm just me."

"A woman who nearly died and lived with a woman who did terrible things to you and you've come out the other side. You're remarkable. I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

"You're just full of great speeches his week."

"I am," Lena laughed. "And that bagel was amazing."

"You're just in love with cream cheese."

"That I do." Lena said.

"Can we have a lazy day?" Stef asked, she still shifted slight when she spoke.

Lena knew that sometimes when she asked questions she still thought she was going to get beaten.

"Sure, I'll need to shower, put on some clothes and we can watch movies, or read together. just be together."

"That sounds good," Stef moved. "But I was thinking of something better than a shower."

"What would that be?"

"A bath together, a nice bottle of wine. Relaxing."

"That sounds amazing," Lena moved forward and kissed her woman's lips. "This really is the best vacation of my life."

"You're just saying that." Stef smiled. as she held Lena close to her and kissed her again.

"I never say what I don't mean." Lena grinned. "You just write about everything you mean,"

"Yeah baby, it's how I process what's happened to me."

"I know honey. You're my everything," Lena whispered.

"You're my everything." Stef kissed her one more time before heading into the bathroom.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 6,236,488_

 _New Post: Back home,_

 _I'm currently sat in our roof top garden watching as the sun slowly sets over the ocean. I can hear L in the kitchen. She's making our dinner. After a week away we're back at our apartment. We're closer than ever._

 _Since El's death I've found myself becoming relaxed. I know she can't hurt me anymore._

 _L's phone keeps going off, her Mom and dad, her friends. They are all texting and ringing. She's told everyone that we are engaged._

 _I'm so happy._

 _I've never felt so happy. She's made sure that my life is whole._

 _I look at her and I feel overwhelmed. This woman is mine._

 _She's kind, loving and happy._

 _She keeps touching me, kissing me, holding me. I love it._

 _I've never been here before. Never known this kind of love._

 _I still have moments, where I think if I ask that question, or if I upset her she will hurt me. even though I know that L would never do that._

 _Her affection is overwhelming._

 _I've never been this loved and I don't want to lose it. I want her to be here forever._

 _My life is changing. I'm going to marry this woman. I'm going to one day have a family with this woman._

 _I may not be able to ever carry a baby, one of the stab wounds from the last attack hit very close. L knows. I've always wanted a child._

 _I'm going to call the doctor, make an appointment to find out. L has said she will come with. We've talked a lot today. When we were in the car, I drove today for the first time in a while and we got chatting about children. We talked about biological, fostering and maybe adoption. She wants to have a baby and I would love to have a child. but we have to have test. We also want to be married first._

 _How old fashioned are we?_

 _We would like to be married before we start a family. L made me smile when she said that. We sleep together, we are closer than I've been with anyone else. but we are going to be old fashioned and marry before we have a family._

 _I never thought I would ever get here._

 _A year ago I was in that tiny apartment being beaten for little things. now I'm living in a Penthouse with a woman who treats me with equal love and affection and she makes me feel loved. I've never had this. I never want to let her go. The night El stabbed me, she stapped the wrong person. If she wanted to hurt me, she would have tried to take L from me._

 _She's gone now!_

 _She can't hurt either of us._

 _I have L now._

 _And I'm planning a wedding._

 _A Wedding_


	34. Chapter 34

Stef's eyes flew open and she sat up, looking around her room, her breathe coming in gasps. She closed her eyes but then she saw her again and her eyes flew open. she looked at Lena still sleeping peacefully beside her. she swung her legs off the bed but when she went to stand up her legs were shaking. she sat back down heavily onto the bed.

Lena opened her eyes and looked at her girlfriend. She reached over and ran her finger down her back. She watched as Stef tensed up.

"Please, don't hurt me," Stef whispered.

Lena sat up in bed, she wrapped her arms around Stef's middle her whole body tensing. Lena put her head onto her shoulder.

Stef took a deep when she smelt Lena's coconut hair products. She knew she was safe. Her body relaxed. she reached her shaking hand and ran it along Lena's hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you," Stef said, as tears ran down her face. she hated that this happened to her, that her mind reverted back to those darker days.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about." Lena said as she kissed Stef's shoulder, "Come and lay with me."

Lena moved, laying back down. Stef moved and curled up with her, hooking her leg over Lena's. her head resting on her shoulder as Lena's arms came around her.

Stef took in Lena's unique smell.

"What was the dream about?"

"The night I ran." Stef said slowly.

"Talk to me." Lena said as her fingers moved through her wife's hair.

"Erm…I knew she was going to kill me. I just knew it. she was in a rage because of something someone had said at work. She'd come home raging. The moment the front door had closed she'd gone for me. I was working on my book. She dragged me by my hair into the bedroom. She was yelling but I can't remember what it was about. She beat me. that night she rammed my head into the mirror in our bedroom. Smashing it. I knew I had to get out then. If I'd have stayed she'd have stabbed me sooner. She wanted to kill me. I was hers. That's how she saw it. she wanted to kill me. I think that's why she killed herself. because she was convinced her mind that I was dead."

Stef stopped, her mind was racing. Her body was shaking.

Lena pulled her closer.

"I can never take away what happened to you." Lena said slowly. "I can't remove those awful memories. I can only help you make new, amazing, positive memories. You're a lot stronger than you think." Lena kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," Stef said slowly.

"I love you too," Lena said softly. "Sleepy now baby. Sleep. You need it."

With Lena holding her. Stef drifted off to sleep. Lena held her. looking at her. for years she had done research into domestic violence. She had become an expert in the topic. But she had never had to live through it. she'd never been this close to someone who had been so badly affected by it. now she was living with it. she saw it so differently. They had great days where Stef didn't think about it. they had bad days and nights where it all came back to her.

Lena closed her eyes, her own mind lost in the thoughts of what had happened to Stef over the years.

Stef walked in the main building of the Criminal Justice department of the San Diego University. She walked towards Lena's office, she was the head of department at the University and She'd texted to her to make sure she was in her office. She knocked on the door.

"Come in," Lena's voice came from the other side of the door. Stef pushed the door and held up the brown bag she was carrying with the two large iced coffees she had.

"Hey baby,"

"Hey honey, what have you brought?"

"veggie burgers, fires and ice coffee."

"Anyone would think you know me well."

"I do," Stef smiled as she closed the door and they sat down onto the sofa in Lena's office. Stef looked around. She hadn't spent a lot of time here. The whole office was booklined, it felt like a true academic's office. Stef unwrapped the burgers and opened the box of fires, as Lena sat herself beside her.

"This is a lovely surprise," Lena said, as she hadn't known that Stef was coming until she had texted her. "Are you okay?"

"I just needed to get out of the house and away from my own thoughts." Stef admitted as she picked at her fries.

"It's okay you know,"

"What?" Stef said looking up at Lena.

"It's okay to want to get out of the apartment. Did you walk here?"

"Yeah, it was good. The sun felt nice. I sometimes forget I don't need to be in the house when you get home, or you dinner doesn't have to be on the table when you get home. I was stood in the kitchen early, noticed we'd ran out of coffee. If that had happened with Ella, she'd have beaten the crap out of me. I sat on the floor in our kitchen and cried at the memories."

"Aww my love," Lena rubbed her hand along Stef's leg, as Stef looked at her dinner.

"None of the memories are in our house but looking at that empty packet off coffee I just remember my head bouncing off the cupboard. I just sat there and cried. Will this ever end?" Stef looked up at Lena,

Lena looked at her completely lost. She was glad that Stef was finally talking to her but she didn't have all the answers.

"Honestly Honey, I don't know. I'm sorry that I can't take these terrible memories away from you," Lena said, she moved her hand and gentled touched Stef's face. her long fingers. Running along the soft skin of her woman's face.

"I'm not enough for you." Stef whispered.

"You're more than enough for me." Lena said softly, she kissed her lips. "Trust me,"

"I trust you more than any other person in this world. You're everything to me and I'm scared."

"Scared?" Lena said when Stef didn't carry on.

"Of losing you,"

"Why would you lose me?" Lena asked,

"Because I keep having these flashes of my past. And I'm scared and broken."

"You're not broken." Lena said, "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in the world. You've changed my life and I can't wait to marry you. I love you. All of you. Everything. You're the love of my life. you're not going to lose me. just please keep talking to me." Lena said. Kissing her again before they both went back to the food.

"Thank you, I love you so much."

"I love you too," Lena smiled as they shared their fries and eat, the conversation turning to dinner that evening.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 6,647,114_

 _New Post: Memories._

 _I've had a couple of nightmares last night and when I woke up this morning a lot of memories of my relationship with El. I had to get out of the house it was so bad. I bought lunch for me and L. I took it to her university and we had lunch together. we talked. Some serious. Some not so serious._

 _I tell L everything. Today I've ended up sat on our kitchen floor crying because we ran out of coffee. Which may seem strange to some readers but when I was with El I had no control of the money and wouldn't have been able to replace it. she would have come home and beaten me. Once she bounced my head off cupboard. I told L about it. she was so loving and caring._

 _Its only now that I realise how controlling El really was. I couldn't see my Mom, I couldn't see my friends, I had no access to money. I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment unless she was with me._

 _L is different._

 _I have complete control of my life. it's strange to me._

 _It breaks my heart that sometimes I don't feel good enough for L._

 _She assures me that I am. Yet when I have days like today I don't feel it. she's remarkable. Right now she's sat with me on the sofa watching me type this while we are supposed to be watching catch up TV, I love this woman. I don't know how to explain it._

 _She's remarkable. (and she may have wrote that)_

 _I love her and I can't wait to be her wife._

 _Life is changing for me._

 _I will always be haunted. I'm learning that._

 _I'm ready to keep moving forward._


	35. Chapter 35

Lena sat at the kitchen island, her laptop in front a note book next to her. Stef walked into the room, wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts her feet bare. Her blonde hair messy. She'd been in her study most of the day.

"What are you up too?" Stef asked as she opened the fridge and took out a bottle of ice cold water.

"Buying my wedding dress," Lena said, looking up, looking at her woman, loving the fact that she looked relaxed. She looked good.

"You what?" Stef said running her fingers through her hair.

"I'm buying my wedding dress. I've found the one I want."

"You're planning this," Stef said.

"I'm not leaving you out. I've not done anything else I've just found my wedding dress." Lena reassured her.

"Can I wear pants?" Stef asked, leaning against the counter.

"You can wear whatever you want." Lena smiled. "I would just like to wear a dress."

"You'd look good in a paper bag."

"You know how to make a girl feel good." Lena grinned.

"I try,"

"How is the book going?" Lena asked as she closed her laptop, getting up. she picked up her cup of tea.

"I've sent it for proof reading."

"That's good." Lena said as she put her now empty mug into the dishwasher.

"It is," Stef said, she looked at Lena.

Lena closed the dishwasher and walked over to Stef, standing in front of her not wanting to make her feel caged in. Stef put her bottle of water down, she looked at Lena.

"What's on your mind?" Stef asked slowing, her voice breaking slightly.

"You, you look so cute right now," Lena said

Lena moved forward into Stef's personal space and kissed her.

Stef reached up and wrapped her arms around her neck. Deepening the kiss. Lena's hands snaked around Stef's hips, gripping onto her t-shirt. Stef pulled away resting her forehead against Lena's.

"I'm not cute." Stef said slowly.

"Yes you are. To me your sexy, cute and adorable." Lena said softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Stef said as a tear ran down her face.

"Why are you crying baby?" Lena asked,

"I don't know. I honestly don't know," Stef said honestly.

Lena gently moved the tear away, brushing it softly with her thumb. Before kissing her again.

"It's fine." Lena whispered against her lips. Knowing that all Stef needed was a little reassurance.

"What are we doing tomorrow?"

"It's Sunday and I've got my friends coming around. I thought you could woman the grill?" Lena said.

Stef suddenly looked unsure.

"I would like that, but don't leave me alone." Stef said. She was still very unsure of people and didn't trust anyone.

"I won't don't worry. You're my number one priority at the moment. I'm not going to leave you anywhere. I'm not leaving you alone at any point. I promise."

"Thank you," Stef said smiling.

Lena couldn't help but smile back. Before moving forward and kissing Stef.

"Any chance I can take you to bed and take advantage of you?" Lena asked softly

Stef grinned.

"There is no better way I can think of spending my Saturday afternoon." Stef replied as Lena took her hand leading her towards the bedroom.

Lena looked at Stef, laying on her stomach. The sheets of their bed barely covering her as she slept. Her short blonde hair messy, her body completely naked. Lena walked back over to the bed and gently moved her fingers over the deep scars that covered her upper back, they all looked about the same age.

"It was a chain." Stef said softly, turning her head to Lena, her eyes filled with sleep.

"What?" Lena looked shocked.

"The scars you're touching. She hit me repeated with a chain when I tried to call my Mom, we'd been together about six months at the time. I had to go to hospital. It was one of the few times I went. She lied. Said I'd fallen through a fence. They knew. The nurse kept asking what happened, but I could see her watching. I knew I couldn't tell them. she looked so sweet and was all loving. That was scary. She told me to relax when the nurse wasn't there. told me I had to go with the story or when we got home things would be worse and after that beating I knew it would be." Stef said.

While she was telling the story, Lena's fingers ran over all the scars.

"How many stiches?" Lena asked softly

"Forty-five," Stef said.

"I'm sorry,"

"Why?" Stef said,

"You shouldn't have had to go through that."

"I did but it's led me here." Stef said slowly. "Ella's abuse has shaped my life. it will always shape my life. but you. I love you. You look at my scars, you look at my body and you don't pull away. You kiss me. you make love to me. I'm grateful for your love."

"I just want to love you,"

"You do, completely. I love you."

"I love you too,"

"I'm hungry," Stef laughed.

"I will order, I'm not cooking. What would you like?"

"Pizza would be great,"

"Veggie Pizza?"

"Yeah why not?" Stef smiled. "Do I have to get up?"

"No baby, why don't you put the TV on, I'm sure we have some shows DVRed." Lena got up, she was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and went to order the pizza, while she was gone, Stef got up putting on a t-shirt before getting back into bed, flicking through the TV waiting for her woman.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 6,788,416_

 _New Post: New Experience._

 _Tonight was a new experience for me. L tells me most couples do it. but tonight we eat pizza and ice cream and drank wine in bed. I've never done that in bed. We had an afternoon in bed. It was amazing._

 _We've had veggie pizza, we've not been eating as much meet of late, we are not vegetarian or vegan but L loves healthier food. The ice cream I must admit was full fat and I eat more of it than L._

 _I thought she would yell at me but she was fine._

 _We watched movies, curled, drank and talked._

 _This is normal?_

 _I love it if it is._

 _We've lay together, hugged, kissed, and just relaxed together. I'm so in love with L._

 _I can't explain it._

 _Tomorrow her friends are visiting. Last time I tried to meet them I panicked. This time they are coming to the house. We will see what happens._

 _Now I'm going back to cuddling my woman._


	36. Chapter 36

Stef bent down, in front of the brand new gas grill that she had bought when they had bought the new apartment. The moment she had found out they had a roof top garden she wanted a grill, she had ordered it, set it up and today was the first time she would get a change to use it.

She got it working and watched it warm up,

Lena walked out, with a tray of meat, including Steak and chicken. She smiled when she saw that Stef had souces and glazes for the meats.

"You're really prepared here aren't you?" Lena said as she put the meat into a special chilled shelve on the grill.

"Yeah, my dad used to do grill days when he was alive. We'd go to the station and this is how I remember it. which means this is how I'm going to do it." Stef said smiling.

"Good, I want you do it whatever way you want." Lena smiled.

"Thank you,"

"What for?" Lena asked, looking at her woman, her eyebrow raised.

"Letting me do this the way I want to do it," Stef's voice was soft.

Lena smiled, she knew that she'd never been able to do what she wanted to do.

"It's my pleasure. Have you got all your grill tools?" Lena asked,

Stef looked at the table beside which had everything laid out,

"I think we just need the plates and bread but we won't bring them out till we start cooking,"

"Do you need salad?"

"Yeah we can get salad going, some tomato, onions Oh do we have red onion? Stef asked as they went into the house and Lena opened the fridge and started talking out all the salad item. Stef took out a wooden serving plate.

Lena grinned watching Stef as she chopped red onion, tomatoes, lettuce

"Honey do we have burger sauce?" Stef asked as she neatly put out the salad for the burgers.

"Yes baby, I've made homemade burger sauce," Lena was enjoying seeing this side of her girlfriend.

"Excellent."

"You love doing this,"

"I love to grill, I've not done it in years."

"Have fun with it baby," Lena laughed, as She watched Stef finishing up her salad.

"I will," Stef smiled before heading out onto roof top garden.

Lena watched her and smiled. she loved this side to her woman. she was claim and relaxed. Stef was wearing plaid shirt, tucked into a nice pair of jeans, her new vans on her feet. Her short hair spiked up, it looked messy but styled. Sun glasses on as it was sunny, her sleeves rolled up. she was wearing a nice watch as well as two bracelets along with her engagement ring.

Lena put the wine into the fridge as the doorbell rang out. Lena smiled before looking on the new camera, seeing her friends she clicked for them to come up. this was there evening.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 6,971,115_

 _New Post: Evening with L's friends._

 _Our apartment has been rocking this evening. It's amazing too me. I've managed to be quiet when I've wanted to be. I've cooked on my new grill,_

 _Which by the way is amazing. it's got a warmer shelf. Plus a cooling one. It's great. Best money I ever spent._

 _I've had a chat with one of L's friends. They are feeling me out. they want to know if I'm the best person to be with L. I know they are not bad people. They make a lost o noise._

 _Our apartment has never been so noisy. There was laughter._

 _There was a lot of wine, beer, and food._

 _I've got to know these women. I've managed to sit with my woman, listen to the stories. laugh._

 _I wasn't 100 per cent relaxed. These people are new to me. I'm not really into new people but these people are L's friends._

 _The apartment is quiet now._

 _L is sleeping._

 _I can't sleep. I've had a couple of bad dreams. I don't want to wake L._

 _Sometimes El haunts my sleep. She haunts my day._

 _I know she's gone. I know she can't hurt me anymore._

 _She haunts my mind._

 _I want it to end._

 _I know deep in my heart that what El did has lead to me to this place._

 _L is my world now. Her friends are lovely people. I know I was quiet and I know that I'm just nervous around new people._

 _I want a quiet wedding._

 _I'd be happy if it as just me and L. but I know that's not going to be possible. my Mom, L's Mom and Dad and L herself won't let that happen._

 _I've got to get used to be around more people._

 _I'm still shocked I can leave the apartment, that I have money in my bank account. I'm able to buy things, I don't have to ask permission._

 _I can chose to do what I want._

 _Right now I want to make L happy._

 _She's my life._

 _Yet the reason I want the nightmares to stop, the pain to stop, the horror in my head to stop. Is for ME! ME._

 _I MATTER!_


	37. Chapter 37

Stef looked at the text message on her phone. She didn't know how to respond. She looked at her Lena who was making their morning tea.

"Erm baby," Stef said her voice was wavering. Her body shaking. she realised she was scared.

Lena looked at her, seeing that she was nervous, scared even.

"What's up honey?" Lena asked as she put the water into the mugs.

"Erm," Stef suddenly didn't know how to word it. she didn't want to get into trouble,

"Honey?"

"Jenna just text me," Stef said slowly.

"You got on really well with her."

"We talked," Stef said, still unsure.

"Honey, what's the matter?" Lena asked. She walked over and wrapped her arms around her.

Stef tensed she couldn't help it. Lena moved away.

"Honey," Lena's voice was soft. "I'm not going to hurt you, what was the text message?"

"Jenna wants me to go out, meet her for dinner,"

"Are you asking my permission?"

"Erm?" Stef looked down at her feet. Her hair falling forward.

Lena hadn't seen this before. Stef was scared to tell her something because Stef didn't know how Lena was going to react.

"Stef, love," Lena said, "What do you want to do?"

"Erm, I would like to go to dinner with Jenna, erm. It's not a date. it's erm…" Stef stopped she was stumbling over her words. she was scared at how Lena was going to react to.

"Stef, if you want to go out with Jenna, that's fine. I'm not going to get jealous or forbid you from going out. that's not how this works. Honey we are a team. a partnership. If you want to go out for an evening, enjoy yourself. Make friends, have fun. Find that teenage Stefanie that loved live before…before that evil bitch took it away from you," It was the first time that Lena had really said anything bad about Ella. Stef was taken aback.

"Erm..."

"Stef do you want to go?" Lena asked.

"Yeah, I would like too." Stef said softly,

"Then text Jenna back, arrange a night out. Enjoy yourself."

"Are you okay with this?" Stef asked,

"Baby I wouldn't tell you to go out if I wasn't. would I?" Lena said honestly.

Stef looked at her girlfriend. The woman who had changed her life so dramatically.

"I'm sorry," Stef said softly.

Lena walked back into Stef's personal space. Putting her arms around her.

"Don't be sorry," Lena kissed her lips. "Now go and arrange your dinner with Jenna." Lena kissed her again.

"Thank you," Stef said softly.

Lena simply smiled, watching as Stef picked up her phoned and text Jenna back. Lena could see she was excited. She picked up her cup of tea, drinking it.

"Woah, we're half way there, woah, livin' on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make it I swear, woah, livin' on a prayer." Stef sang as she came through the front door of the apartment.

"Shhh, Stef, seriously you're going to wake Lena."

"But I'm singing," Stef said. "Woah, we're half way there, woah, livin' on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make it I swear, woah, livin' on a prayer." Stef sang completely out of tune.

Lena walked out of the bedroom and laughed at her girlfriend

"It's okay Jenna leave her with me." Lena said, walking towards Stef.

"She's had a little too much to drink I'm sorry," Jenna said. "I have taxi waiting,"

"It's fine." Lena said laughing. "Do you want any cash?"

"No thanks but she's brilliant, you got a good one there," Jenna went to leave."

"Where are you going?" Stef asked, "Jenna are you leaving me,"

"I'm going home to my wife. leaving you with you girlfriend." Jenna closed the front door.

"Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend," Stef sang completely out of tune.

"I am your girlfriend," Lena laughed.

"I think…I may be…a little…bit…drunk." Stef said pointing at Lena.

"You're not a little bit drunk Stef, you're very drunk."

"And I'm marching on to the beat I drum, I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me." Stef sang suddenly in tune.

Lena smiled as Stef threw her hands up as she sang this is me.

"Do you always sing when drunk?" Lena asked.

"I don't know." Stef said slowly. "First time I've been drunk." Stef said doing a little dance.

"Are you ready for bed?" Lena said slowly.

"No," Stef said looking at Lena, who was wearing a tank top and baggy yoga pants. Stef looked good, her hair spiked, jeans, a plaid shirt, with her boots that Lena had bought her recently. She pulled her shirt out of her jeans.

"Did you have a good evening?" Lena asked.

"Yeah I did, Jenna and I went to dinner, then we went dancing at a place…erm the Laurel. It was great fun. I drank and danced and sang songs. I felt like I was before I meet…" She stopped.

Lena walked over and gently ran her fingers along Stef's face.

"Come back from that dark space," Lena whispered. "Come back happy Stef,"

"And in this world where nothing else is true, Here I am still tangled up in you. I'm still tangled up in you, Still tangled up in you." Stef sang softly.

"Who is that?"

"Staind, I've got the music on my laptop." Stef said softly. "Do you know what?"

"What?"

"I love you, I fucking love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. Ella broke me. she tried to kill me. You. You Lena Elizabeth Adams YOU. Just love me. You love me so much and I love you so fucking much. You're my lover. My best friend and soon to be my wife. you're everything to me." Stef said.

"I love you too baby," Lena said, "Shall we get you to bed."

"No sex. I'm drunk." Stef said.

"I'm not going to take advantage of you come on lets get my baby to bed."

"Okay," Stef sang the word.

Lena laughed.

Putting her arms around Stef as she helped her to bed. Stef picked up her phone once they were in bed.

"My blog,"

"No writing a blog when drunk Stefanie."

"Okay!" Stef said as Lena helped her get her PJ's on and got her settled. "Lena"

"Yes love,"

"Thank you,"

"What for?" Lena asked.

"Letting me be me." Stef said

Lena smiled.

"Always baby, You should always be allowed to be yourself"

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 7,014,445_

 _New Post: DRUNK_

 _I'm drunk. For the first time in my life I'M DRUNK. I went out with my new friend and I got so drunk. I sang on the way home. Sang in the apartment. Sang to L in bed, kissed her and now I'm going to be. Because I'm toooooo dunk to care. THIS IS ME!_


	38. Chapter 38

Lena stood in the door way of their bedroom, looking at her girlfriend, who had managed to get in to the middle of their large bed, she was on her stomach, the sheets off the bed were half on the bed and half on the floor. One arm was under Lena's pillow and the other next to her head. her hair was messy, she looked peaceful. Lena walked into the room putting a glass of water onto her bedside table. She sat herself onto her side of the bed and looked at Stef. She reached out and gently moved Stef's hair out of her face. Stef tensed in her sleep and moved away.

Lena knew not to take it to heart. She leant forward

"It's me," She whispered and Stef relaxed at once.

"morning," Stef whispered as she opened her eyes. she rolled onto her back and looked at Lena.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, did I get drunk?"

"Jenna got you very drunk,"

"I've never been drunk before," Stef said biting her lip.

"I know, you sing."

"Oh man," Stef put her arm over her eyes.

"It was cute, apart from you're slightly out of tune."

"Before I meet Ella," Stef took a deep breath the same way she always did when she mentioned her ex. "I used to listen to so much rock music,"

"You can now,"

"We don't have a CD player."

"We can get you an iPod, getting you up and running."

"Music used to be played in my life so much. I can't believe I came home singing,"

"Well I've spoken too Jenna this morning and she says you were singing in the taxi, and you kept saying you love me. drunk people tell the truth." Lena said. Smiling.

"You know I love you," Stef said still no uncovering her eyes. she felt relaxed.

Lena reached over and ran her fingers softly along Stef's exposed stomach, that had been exposed when she had thrown her arm over her eyes. she had a number of small white scars. Lena knew they were all coursed by her former girlfriend, but now wasn't the time to talk about it.

"What can I do for you?" Lena asked,

"Coffee, toast, bath?" Stef asked, her voice was small. She still didn't like to ask for things even if Lena had asked her the question, something in her mind still said she was going to get hurt.

"Three things that I can get for you," Lena leant forward and kissed Stef's wrist, not wanting to make her jump if she kissed her lips.

Stef dropped her arm. Looking at her.

"I love you," Stef reached up touching Lena's mass of curls.

"I love you too, let me put the coffee maker on, put some toast on and then I'll run you a bath," Lena said going to get up.

"I ran do that myself." Stef said.

"Please let me take care of you," Lena said softy.

Stef was taken aback. Even now. That someone she loved completely wanted to do stuff for her.

"Okay," Stef whispered. Watching as Lena went back into the kitchen.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 7,147,447_

 _New Post: Being Taken Care off._

 _From the moment I moved in with El, it was my job, my role to take care of her. I wasn't allowed to think of myself. I remember being ill, I go the flu and she blamed me. she beat me. it was the first time she beat me till I was knocked out. my head went into the bathroom door. it knocked me clean out and she left me there._

 _She didn't bother to check on me, or make sure I was alive._

 _I remember waking and wondering why I was lay there. my body broken because I'd go ill and hadn't made her coffee and breakfast._

 _Then this morning, after last night and me getting drunk for the first time in my life, L woke me. spent time with me, made me breakfast, coffee. She ran me a bath. She washed my back._

 _The one thing I've noticed is L never mentions or freezes when she sees or touches my scars. My body is covered in them because of El. L has kissed all of them. she's found ones that are deeper than others and she's not bothered by them. she loves me for being me._

 _I'm very lucky. I know a lot of women who escape domestic violent relationship, do not find the type of love or relationship that I have._

 _When L came into my life I didn't think we would get to this stage._

 _I still get scared._

 _When our friend texted me yesterday to go out for dinner, which ended up with being drunk, I was scared to ask L if I could go out._

 _The thing was L was shocked that I was asking for permission to go out. she didn't understand why I was asking. She's an expert in domestic abuse however she's never lived with someone who has lived it._

 _El wouldn't me go out with friends. In the time I was with her I lost all my friends. El had a healthy social life but I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment without her._

 _I'm going to cook for L today, she's teaching today for the first time since I was stabbed. She's only teaching two classes today both in the afternoon._

 _I'm home alone,_

 _She's put some music onto my computer and it's playing. I'm writing here and I've got to do some work of my own._

 _I love this apartment. I've got the doors open onto the roof top garden. The sound and smell of the ocean flouting into my living room. I feel very lucky._

 _I got through the darkest time in my life and now I'm getting ready to marry the woman I love. I can't wait to call her my wife and put El behind me._


	39. Chapter 39

_Blog name: L E A_

 _Linked Blog: Better_Version, followers: 7,255,114_

 _Followers: 1,144,117_

 _New Post: Getting her to our wedding._

 _How am I supposed to get Better_Version, onto a plane?_

 _That's the big question right now._

 _I've organised our wedding and made sure its as far away from old memories as possible. However I've not told her where we are going. I've managed to get my parents and her mother there. our friends are on their way yet I've now got to get Better_Version on a plane._

 _My first part is getting her out of the apartment. I've packed our cases. Her Mom has her suit and my Mom has my dress._

 _I want to marry this woman but I don't want to do it in San Diego._

 _She has no clue. She told me to plan the wedding._

 _I've done that._

 _Now I need to get her to our wedding._

 _I've planned everything and I hate keeping things from her but I want this to be a surprise._

 _I've ordered our wedding rings, I've made sure everything is perfect. I want to marry this woman more than anything._

 _I never thought my life would be like this. I never thought I would fall in love, this hard._

 _Better_Version has made my life complete. I wake up every morning and she's sleeping beside me, I feel so lucky to be with her._

 _I know her past. I know what she's been through. I look at her body, I've seen the medical reports and her medical file. I've watched her have nightmares. None of this will ever make me love her less._

 _She's a remarkable, outstandingly strong woman._

 _She's brave and honest._

 _I never thought someone like her would love me._

 _But here is the main problem._

 _HOW THE HELL DO I GET HER ONTO A PLANE TO NYC, for our wedding. She's scared of flying._

 _I want us to have our wedding and then our honeymoon in the greatest of cities. I've booked a Broadway show, I've got us the best hotel. I've got everything sorted._

 _I would just like to get my bride there._

 _Maybe I should ask her Mom to help, but the problem is Better_Version's Mom is now in NYC waiting for us. How Am I supposed to do this._

 _Oh God, have I really, really done this. why didn't I think to have the wedding here in San Diego._

 _I'm trying to be romantic. Fingers crossed I get her there. I'm dreading this._

 _I don't want to force her._

 _Yet I want to get here there. I want to marry this woman._

 _I can do this._

 _Well I hope I can!_

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 7, 255,114_

 _New Post: Am I really doing this._

 _I am shaking with fear. Not because I'm scared of a person, I'm in an airport. I've never flown. But L has arranged our wedding, what I didn't expect was her to arrange it on the other side of America. I love her but my God how have I let myself get into this situation. We are in the First Class lounge waiting for our flight to NYC._

 _L has arranged everything._

 _She's made sure that I'm as comfortable as I can be. Which isn't very much._

 _L has got me a good seat, she says my suit is already in NYC with my Mom, the bags we are taking are for our honeymoon._

 _I never thought this would happen._

 _I'm getting married._

 _I'm flying to a city I've never been too, to get married, to enjoy my honeymoon and to make new memories._

 _Brand new memories._

 _Far away from San Diego_

 _My woman, my lady, soon to be my wife is treating me like royalty._

 _Everything is so perfect._

 _She's dreamt of this. the wedding we are having is the wedding of her dreams. I don't care. I'm just overjoyed to be getting married._

 _To know that the woman currently holding my shaking hand is going to spend the rest of my life with her. I will be able to call her my wife._

 _I really don't want to get on this plane, but I know. I KNOW I have to do this._

 _My life is changing._

 _Positively._

 _Lets get me on this plane._


	40. Chapter 40

Stef reached out and took her Mom's hand, as they walked through Central Park. She was dressed in White dress pants, white blouse, and flat shoes, her hair freshly cut. Styled. Spiked. She slowly walked with her Mom towards a white tent that had been put up on one of the lawns. Before she went in she stopped looking around the noise of the city had faded away. Lena had chosen the ideal space.

Sharon looked at her daughter, taking her in. seeing how far she had come.

"I am so proud of you," Sharon said, taking both of her daughter's hands

"I've not done much for you to proud off," Stef said.

"You have, you've escaped an abusive relationship, you're written five amazing books. You're putting your life out there. to show other women who have been domestically abused that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today you are marrying the love of your life. I love you Stef,"

Stef smiled at her Mom,

"I love you too Mom,"

Together they walked in, to Lena's friends cheering. Stef couldn't help but laugh. As Her and her Mom walked towards the woman who was going to marry them. She stood taking in a deep breath, holding onto her Mom's hand, seeing that Lena's Mom and dad were behind where Lena was going to stand.

Stef was scared. Then the music started. Stef smiled as she turned and saw Lena walking towards her. Lena was wearing a long cream lace and silk dress, her hair was half up and she'd straighten it. her face was covered in a light dusting of make up. she looked amazing.

Stef dropped her Mom's hand as Lena approached her. she took Lena's hand and they looked at each other.

"Wow, you look stunning." Stef said softly.

"You too, I love you,"

"I love you too." Stef said.

"We are gathered here today," Said the woman marrying them "for the marriage of Lena Elizabeth and Stefanie Marie. The ladies have written their own vows and we are starting with Lena,"

Lena looked at Stef, looked deep into her hazel eyes, her hand's gently holding onto Stef's.

"Stefanie, since the moment I meet you, I knew I'd marry you. I'm so in love with you. You're a unique woman. you've been through so much and had so much pain in your life. but you stand in front of me today a new woman. You're my best friend, you're my lover, you're my domestic partner and after today you'll be my wife. my love for you is so strong. I've never felt like this about anyone before. I know we've got a long road ahead of us. I know our road is not perfect. I know that you still have moments that you need me just to be there. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life, loving you, having a family with you, just being with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to laugh and cry with you. Life our ups and downs together. you're my forever Stefanie."

Stef wiped a tears away before taking Lena's hands.

"I've gone through hell," Stef said taking a deep breath. "My life, has not been perfect, but when I got away from hell I found heaven. You're remarkable. You've seen me at weakest, you've seen me at my worst. Yet you love me. You make me feel alive. You've even managed to get me onto a plane to get here." Everyone laughed. "I never expected to find love, when I ran I never thought we would get to this point. I never want to let you go. I love you so much. You're remarkable. I can't wait to spend my forever and always with you."

"Do we have the rings?"

Stewart stepped forward and passed them their rings. As they slipped them onto each other's fingers.

"With the power of State of New York, I give you Mrs and Mrs Adams."

Stef and Lena kissed as Lena's friends cheered, Sharon joined in, getting a look from Dana, but she didn't care.

Stef and Lena pulled away, resting their foreheads together,

"I love you, Mrs Adams," Lena smiled.

"I love you too, Mrs Adams" Stef kissed her again. They turned, talking towards the horse and carriage that was waiting for them.

Lena stopped as Stef got in she turned to their family and friends,

"Meet us at the Plaza Hotel on Broadway, it's time to celebrate." Lena smiled as she got into the carriage, taking Stef's hand as the carriage pulled away.

"We're going for a tour around the park, gives them time to get there."

"We're married," Stef said slowly, looking at her left hand, seeing her ring.

"We are, " Lena laughed. You're now Stefanie Marie Adams,"

"I am, wow. Love. this is real. You married me?"

"Yes, I did baby. I love you."

"I love you too. You're remarkable." Stef smiled. "I'm a married to woman, to a woman who will never physically hurt me," Stef whispered the last bit.

Lena took their entwined hands and kissed the back of Stef's hand.

"I promise you I will never raise my hand to you, I will never physically hurt you." Lena whispered. So only her and Stef could hear.

"Thank you," Stef said grinning. She couldn't help it. "Let's get the party started,"

Lena laughed at her new wife as they made their way around the park. Enjoying just being together in those first moments of marriage. Stef just took it in. for the first time ever she felt complete. Utterly and totally complete.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 7, 355,784_

 _New Post: I'm Married._

 _As off 1.34pm today I'm Married to L._

 _Yes I made it to NCY and in Central park with the city in the background._

 _I've taken L's last name. we talked about taking both our last names but I want to just take hers. I want a fresh start._

 _I want to leave my old life behind and start this new chapter._

 _I love L._

 _We got married, then we had a lovely meal and a mini party at the Plaza Hotel before we went onto the hotel we are staying at. We bathed together, made love and we're now in bed, eating._

 _Yes eating_

 _I ordered a burger, onion rings, fries and side salad. L is just happy I'm eating. I've also got a chocolate milkshake._

 _L ordered a veggie burger, fires and side salad. She's got a strawberry Milkshake._

 _We are eating in bed, while I update you all. We are here for our honey and I can't wait to do so much tourist stuff. L says we can go where ever I want._

 _We've just brought city passes. L has been here before, but I've never been here. I've never really left San Diego._

 _Here I am in he big apple. L has bought us tickets to Broadway not sure what we are going to see. L would have told me but I've been so excited._

 _I'm married._

 _I am married to woman who will never physically hurt me, who has made sure that I am safe and right now is trying to find ketchup so I can eat my fries. That's love. True love._

 _I'm overjoyed right now._

 _Bring on my honeymoon._


	41. Chapter 41

Stef slowly walked over to the large window, looking over at the whole of Manhattan, She couldn't believe that she was here. Standing on the observation deck on the top floor of The World Trade Centre One. Lena had made sure that they were doing as much as possible. they had sent the day at ground zero which had made Stef cry. They had been to the museum. Before now coming to the top of the World Trade Centre One to have a meal and now the sun was setting over the city. She stood a lone for a few moments, with Lena watching her. she was just taking in the city as New York went from day to night.

Lena walked over to her woman and put her arms around her middle, resting her head onto her shoulder.

"Are you okay Mrs Adams?" Lena asked softly.

"I don't think I'm going to get sick of hearing that."

"Mrs Adams," Lena said smiling,

Stef smiled.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good, just enjoying the view."

"As day bleeds into the night," Lena said.

"You need to stop listening to my music,"

"Music is a massive part of your life, I love when you're working, and the rock music is playing quietly in the back ground."

"Music died when I was with Ella, she hated it." Stef said softly, her fingers running over the back of Lena's hands which were locked around stomach.

"You can forever play your music, you're free. I want you to be you," Lena whispered. "I love you,"

"I love you too," Stef smiled. resting back against Lena.

"We have to go soon,"

"Can we see Time Square?"

"We can, We can get the metro." Lena smiled.

"Good, this week has been amazing."

"It has, at one point I didn't think I'd get you on the flight here."

"I'm here, we're married. I can't get over that."

"What that you're a married woman?"

"Yeah, we are Mrs and Mrs Adams." Stef grinned.

"Shall we go to Time Square and go to the Disney store."

"Oh you want to spend money."

"I do," Stef laughed. Knowing that Lena would let her. if she had ever asked Ella to go out shopping she would have told her it was a waste of money and she wasn't to do that.

Lena would make her spend money. Let her lose in the shops she wanted to shop in and in the week they'd had in New York, she had filled their empty suitcase with everything she had bought.

Lena took her hand as they got in the elevator and headed back to the ground level. She loved how Stef's hand felt in hers. It was like they had been made for each other.

They walked together, enjoying just the fact they could be open and honest in the city. Heading to the metro station, heading up island.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

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 _New Post: Heading Home._

 _I've held onto L's hand all the way through the Airport today as we now wait for our flight back to San Diego. So much has changed in the last few days._

 _I'm a married woman. I'm in love with my woman._

 _I've had moments, flashbacks,_

 _I woke in the middle of the night, while we have been away and thought that El was in our hotel room._

 _Why is she haunting me now more than ever?_

 _Why can't I just be happy?_

 _I know she's always going to be apart of my life. she ruled my life for so long_

 _I woke in our hotel room, screaming, because I was convinced that she was in the room with us, watching us. I hate that._

 _L was great, she held me while I cried. She put the lights on, walked around our suit, made sure she looked everywhere including under the bed._

 _I know El is dead, I know she's dead. But that doesn't stop my head thinking that she's in our room. that she's managed to find her way into my room._

 _On a positive note L and I are married, I've filled a suitcase with all the stuff that I've bought. L just let me do it. I've bought her a few things too._

 _I just want to go home. I want to be back in our Penthouse, back in my study. The one room that is mine._

 _I want to sit on our roof top garden and smell the ocean. Take a deep breath and close my eyes and know I'm completely safe._

 _I would like to take this time to send a message to L,_

 _L, has changed my life, she's letting me be me. she allowing the person I knew before I meet El came out._

 _She's a loving, caring woman who has taken her time to ensure that I'm safe and that I feel loved. I've never felt so loved and wanted. She's a remarkable woman._

 _She's my best friend,_

 _She's my lover,_

 _She's my partner._

 _She's my wife._


	42. Chapter 42

Lena walked into the restaurant, as she had overran with a students appraisal. She noticed Jenna and Kelly sitting at the bar. Cocktails in hand.

"Agh the married woman has arrived," Jenna laughed.

"Sorry, I'm running late. Is Stef here?" Lena looked around expecting to see her wife.

"No not yet, we thought she was coming with you?" Kelly said slowly,

"No I texted her to say I would be late, but she didn't text back. We agreed this morning that she was coming on her own." Lena said,

Lena took out her cell phone and tried Stef's number.

"This is Stef, I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now, if you could please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you soon as possible." Stef's nervous voice said down the line.

"Baby it's me, where are you? I'm going to come home."

"I'm sorry guys, I'm going to check on her," Lena said,

"It's fine." Jenna said. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No it's okay, I'll text you later," Lena said picking up her purse again, she almost ran to the car, she drove over to the apartment, nothing seemed wrong from the outside. she opened the door of the apartment and it was deadly silent.

"Stef," Lena said as she walked in, checking Stef's study, her mac was running her iPod was on the docking station and her cell was on the desk next to her keyboard. Lena frowned. She slowly walked into the living room, looking around and Stef wasn't there. she saw a broken glass near the entrance to the kitchen, her heart started racing she could feel it racing, she could hear her heart beat in her head. she slowly walked towards the kitchen and then she saw her.

Stef was lay in on the floor beside the island, her head bleeding and she lay unconscious.

Lena dropped to her knees checking that Stef had a pulse, she took a deep breath when she found a pulse and that Stef was breathing.

She pulled out her phone, dialling 911

"Which service do you require?" A female voice came down the line.

"Ambulance please," Lena's voice was shaking.

"May I ask what's happened?"

"I've come home and erm... found my wife on our kitchen floor, I'm not sure how long her has been here, she's got a open wound to her head and she's unresponsive."

"Is she breathing?"

"Yes," Lena rubbed her head. "She's got a pulse and she's breathing."

"What's your address please?"

"The Penthouse, 141 Ocean View Road, Mission Bay, San Diego." Lena said, her voice was shaking.

"Can you open any locked doors to ensure our team can get in?"

"Yes, I'll do that now" Lena got up opening the door to the apartment.

"We are on our way."

"Please just help her."

Lena looked at her wife, looking at how pale she was. She was suddenly scared. what the hell had happened?

Lena sat in the waiting room, her foot tapping. She was waiting for news. She had texted Jenna and Kelly and she had called Sharon. She really hadn't expected to spend today in the hospital. She hadn't expected to come home to find Stef on the floor bleeding. Lena found herself now tapping her fingers. She'd been here for hours. No news. She hated waiting. They were trying to work out what had happened. it didn't help that didn't know how long Stef had been on the floor. Sharon walked in, sitting next to her daughter-in-law.

"They still won't tell me what's happening," Sharon said, passing Lena a large take out cup of tea.

"Thank you, they are doing tests, that's all they would tell me,"

"You're down as her next of kin, I had to prove I'm her Mom,"

"You should also be named," Lena looked confused,

"I think they are understaffed." Sharon remarked

"It looks it, I hate that whatever happened today, she went through it alone." Lena said.

"It's not your fault. We don't even know what happened."

"I'm so worried about her. she's been doing so well. We've had so many good days,"

"Bad days were coming but they will clear. Whatever this is. Whatever is happening right now will be over soon and you will manage it. she's stronger because of you. She's in love with you. That's all that matters,"

Lena smiled at her mother-in-law's words.

"I love her,"

"I know you married you. You're bring back the Stefanie I knew in her late teens. The Stefanie that was taken away from me. she's coming back. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I do, I don't think she would have come this far without you." Sharon said.

"I think she would have done but not as quickly. She's a remarkable woman." Lena said.

A female doctor walked into the room.

"Lena Adams?" She said softly Lena got up. looking at the woman before walking over with Sharon behind her.

"Hello, I'm Lena Adams,"

"Hi," She shook Lena's hand, "My name is Dr Michaels. I've been with Stefanie."

"How is she?" Lena was very nervous.

"She's doing better, we have put an IV in to get fluids running through her. The blood from her head was from where she had hit her head when fell. She's not awake at the moment and we are running further tests. Was she home alone?"

"Yeah, I went to look for when she didn't arrive for a dinner date."

"Okay, we don't know how long she's been out, does she have a history of seizures?"

"No, but erm..."

"Her pervious partner was a bullying bitch and beat her for five years, we don't really know the damage that bitch did." Sharon said.

"Sorry, erm you are?"

"I'm her mother, Sharon,"

"Hi, I am sorry that your daughter has been through so much. We are currently looking into all possibilities. However you and Mrs Adams can now sit with Stefanie if you would like"

"We would like," Sharon said, sharply.

Lena looked at her, she'd never seen her like this before. However they had never been in this situation before.

"Come with me," Dr Michaels said,

They followed her to the ward and off to Stef's private room. she was lay in the middle of the large bed surrounded by machines, drips and oxygen.

Lena walked over and she sat herself. she reached out taking her wife's left hand, her wedding band still there. she took her hand, kissing her fingers softly. reaching up and gently running her fingers Stef's short hair. watching her chest raise and fall.

All she could was wait.

"I'm going to get us something to eat and drink. I'll be back shortly." Sharon said, before kissing her daughter's forehead and leaving. Not bothering to ask what Lena wanted.

Lena knew that Sharon needed her space. She saw it in Stefanie, often enough.

Lena just watched her wife. wishing she could turn back the time and stop this from happening.

 _Blog name: Better_Version_

 _Followers: 7, 744,324_

 _New Post: NO NEW UPDATE_

 _No update of daily blog._


	43. Chapter 43

Lena woke suddenly, sitting in the chair beside Stef's bed. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, when she realised that the doctor was with Stef.

"How is she?"

"We were trying not to wake you," Dr Michaels said.

"It's okay, how is she?"

"We're just checking her blood pressure, we believe from the scans that Stefanie may have had a seizure."

"From what?" Lena asked.

"We are going to do a full brain scan."

"Thank you,"

"We will be taking her for the scan shortly. You should get some breakfast, we have showers also if you need."

"Thanks, I think my mother in law is bring me clothes."

Lena smiled, she looked at Stef, she leans over her and kissed her softly the forehead.

"I'll be back shortly." She whispered to Stef before she left the room.

Lena got some breakfast, had a long hot shower in the private shower block and changed her clothes, thanks to Sharon bring her clean ones from their apartment. She went back to Stef's private room, noticing she was gone, she went to the nurses desk,

"Where has my wife gone?" She asked, the young nurse.

"Mrs Adams has been taken to have a CT scan and a MRI scan she should be back shortly."

"Thank you, I'll wait in her room,"

"Not a problem."

Lena went and sat waiting for her wife to be brought back. She looked at the window at San Diego, the world going on. The world didn't stop. She heard the noise of them bring Stef back in, he sounds of the machines. Once they had put Stef's bed back into place the nurse looked at Lena.

"Dr. Michael's will be with you shortly."

"Thank you, is she okay?"

"Yeah she's doing good," The nurse smiled before leaving.

Lena sat beside her wife, taking her hand. her skin was soft. She gently ran her finger along the back of Stef's fingers.

Lena just sat with her, gently holding her hand.

Dr. Michaels and two nurses walked in. Dr. Michaels was looking at her iPad.

"Hi Mrs Adams,"

"Hi Dr Michaels. How is she?" Lena asked,

"I'm just having a look at her scans."

Lena gave her a moment. the nurses were checking Stef's vitals.

"It appears that Stefanie has had a seizure,"

"What's coursed it."

"I'm sorry Mrs Adams it would appear that Stefanie's had a stroke,"

"She's Twenty five," Lena said, shocked.

"It's not just old people that have them, it can affect anyone. from Stefanie's medical records she had a number of incidents."

"Her former partner was domestically violent. Could that be a factor?"

"Yes, from looking at some of Stefanie's injuries, internal bleeding went undetected. This could have coursed a blood clot later on which has then gone to her brain." Dr Michaels said slowly. "She's lucky you found her."

"Will she wake up?"

"Yeah we are positive she should wake up. we are now giving her the correct treatment and the nurses are going to change her medication over. Until she wakes up we won't know what the stroke has affected."

"This just feels like another slap in the face. we've only been married a couple of weeks."

"I am sorry it's not the best news. We are hoping that it's not affected much of her functions."

Lena shook her head.

"It's not your fault I'm sorry, I'm sorry she didn't get out of that relationship sooner. She's too young for this,"

"She is but it's treatable, she's stable and her signs are perfectly fine." Dr Michaels said. "I'm going to get another doctor to come and talk to you and her once she's awake."

"Thank you,"

"I just want to see her healthy." Dr Michaels said. She took Stef's notes off the end of the bed and filled out all the paper work.

Lena sat looking at her wife. her hand locked in Stef's. She just wanted her to wake up.

This was yet another challenge. One coursed by yet again by Ella and her years of violence towards Stef.

"If she wasn't dead I'd kill her for what she's done to you," Lena said softly.

Stef slowly opened her eyes, looking around the dimly light room, she turned her head softly and could see her wife, sleeping in the chair beside her bed. Her head to one side. Stef thought she looked peaceful. Stef didn't want to wake her. A nurse walked in, Stef panicked slightly.

"Hi Stefanie, my name is Maria," the woman spoke softly. "I'm one of your nurses. It's okay, I'm here."

"Hi, where am I?"

"San Diego Ocean View Hospital."

"Why?"

"I'm going to get your doctor,"

"Lena,"

The moment she heard her name, Lena opened her eyes.

"I'm here baby," Lena said getting up,

"You were sleeping."

"I was but so were you?"

"Why am I here?"

"You've had a stroke love," Lena said as Dr Michaels walked in.

"Hi Stefanie I'm Dr. Michaels."

"Hi," Stef said looking at the woman who was now taking in her notes, Stef reached out and took her wife's hand, just needing that support.

"As Lena was just saying, you've had a stroke."

"I'm twenty-five." Stef said shocked.

"Yes, I know and I'm sorry. it can happen at any age, we think you're body was over coping in fixing some injuries you've had in the past. We need to run a number of test. Your speech seems fine."

"What tests?" Stef said, she was scared.

"Motor, speech, strength and a few other things but we will wait til the morning,"

"Thank you," Stef said softly.

"I'll be back shortly, try and rest a little longer." Dr Michaels said before leaving.

Stef lay back her body was weak. she was sleepy.

Lena gently ran her fingers through her hairs hair and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep love, tomorrow is going to be a big day." Lena said softly.

Stef simply closed her eyes. drifting back to sleep.

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	44. Chapter 44

Lena sat, watching as Stef slept. She couldn't believe that something else had happened. Stef had been recovering well. Stef had been through a number of tests today, Lena had been with her every step of the way. Making sure that Stef never felt alone. She'd watched as Stef had cried when she'd been unable to lift or move her left arm and leg.  
Lena looked up as the door to the room opened and Sharon walked in,  
"How is it going?" Sharon asked as she passed Lena a take out coffee cup.  
Lena gratefully took the coffee, and smiled sadly at her mother-in-law.  
"She's not great," Lena admitted.  
"What's happened?" Sharon asked, sitting on the other side of her daughter, gently taking her hand and running her fingers along it.  
"She's had her tests with the doctor and she can't move her left arm or leg. They are running further tests, we have to wait."  
"Ella is destroying her from the grave now," Sharon muttered.  
"That woman has done too much damage to her," Lena said angrily. She rarely spoke about Ella as she knew that it upset Stef so much.  
"You meet her didn't you?" Sharon said.  
"Yes, I sat in a room with her for nearly 24 hours all together," Lena admitted.  
" What did you make of her?"  
"Professionally, she was a self centred, righteous bitch. Personally I want to kill her even through I know she's already dead." Lena said.  
"Did she tell you want she did to Stef?" Sharon asked.  
"Yes she did," Lena lowered her eyes to Stef's chest watching it raise and fall as she slept.  
"It haunts you now?" Sharon asked watching her daughter-in-law. Glad that her daughter had found a woman who treated her correctly.  
"Yes sometimes, it really does. I look at her and think how did you get through that? How did you survive that? I've read Stef's medical report as well as spending time with Ella and I know that Stef should have died a number of time," Lena said, her voice soft. She knew that Stef was lucky to be alive. That she'd got this far before something like this had happened.  
"I never thought she'd come back to me," Sharon admitted. "That night when she called. It changed everything for me. She's my only child. She'd been nineteen. She thought she'd found love."  
Sharon looked downcast. She felt like she had let her daughter stay in an abusive relationship and she hadn't tried to help her.  
"When you are nineteen you think you are right," Lena admitted.  
"She was an outgoing, loving girl. When she phoned me that night she was broken. Her voice was wavering, she was a scared child."  
"Did you know that she was still in San Diego?" Lena asked, her fingers locked around her wife's right hand, making sure that Stef just knew that she was there.  
"No, Ella kept moving. We couldn't keep track. I bought Stef's books. Hoped she knew I was still there, but it's not the same is it? I wasn't physically there protecting her from the hell she was going through."  
"You can't blame yourself Sharon,"  
"I can," Sharon said. "She's my daughter and I failed her."  
"You didn't," Lena said. "The controlling partner in the relationship will nearly always ensure that the abused party has little to no contact with their families. They want to ensure that they have the persons full attention."  
"Stef could..."  
"Don't blame Stef," Lena said slowly. "People always victim blame. They ask why didn't you leave sooner? Why didn't you get out? Putting it all on the person who has already suffered the most,"  
"I've never thought of it like that."  
"No one does." Lena said. "You don't mean too but you end up blaming the victim. Stef wasn't to blame in any of this. She only left when she knew that Ella was going to murder her."  
Sharon looked down.  
"I should have tried harder to find her," Sharon said slowly.  
"No, don't blame yourself either. Even if you had found Stef, she wouldn't have been ready to leave. She had to leave when she was ready and she did." Lena said,  
"You're too kind,"  
"I'm just telling you the truth, I've been doing research into this for years and understand it more than people think."  
"Now you're living it."  
"No I'm living the aftermath. I'm dealing with the after affects. I'm the wife of woman who lived it and has come through the otherside. She lived it, she went through unspeakable abuse, but she's doing remarkably."  
"She has nightmares,"  
"She does." Lena said honestly. "I think anyone would, they are becoming less."  
"Yet Ella's reach is still getting to her," Sharon said.  
"Only if we let it, we can help her recover, be there for her and ensure that life is just better than it was before. That's all we can ever do with her."  
"You really do love my daughter don't you?"  
"I do," Lena said. Smiling. She looked back at Stef. Her short hair out of her face. She looked pale. Her body thin.  
"She was trouble as a teenager, her father being killed didn't help. I sometimes blame myself for her going off with Ella, I couldn't protect her. She was always a rebel." Sharon said.  
"She's starting to find herself again. She has moments were she looks at me and I know she's expecting me to hit her. I also know that she knows that I would never do that too her." Lena said.  
"She has a blank look sometimes," Sharon admitted. She was sending more time with her daughter.  
"That's her remembering the harder times. She does it in the kitchen the most."  
"I noticed that,"  
"Most of the attacks were in the kitchen from what I could work out. That or the bedroom."  
"My poor baby girl," Sharon whispered. She felt guilty for what had happened to her daughter.  
"You can't live with the guilt Sharon," Lena said honestly. " You have to let go of it and be as strong as possible for Stef,"  
"You're a very positive you know that,"  
"I have to be for her it's that simple."  
Lena smiled before looking at her woman. Sharon just watching them. She was overjoyed that her daughter had finally found love.


End file.
